To still be with him?

(117 Posts)
RalphLaurenLover Wed 22-Jan-14 02:11:20

I doubt this is the right place but atm I'm just not feeling loved and maybe I'm being unreasonable..

the beginning of this month me and do were having a serious conversation and he made it fully clear he doesn't 'love me like he use to' 'the spark had gone' he admitted to being lazy (never cooks as 'doesn't know how' (even emptying a can Into a saucepan). We both said we'd try more he'd try to learn how to cook and I'd stop being 'stressy'.

Since then he said he still doesn't love me like he use to, he will say he loves me when he's here otherwise he doesn't.

Yesterday he went 4 hours without texting because he said "I could of told him how my LO was, what I'd been doing, how I was and what I had planned for the rest of the day" yet when I did that today he told me there was no point in h replying because I told him everything sad.

He even said yesterday "isn't it ironic how you can't even make me erect anymore when I'm so touch sensitive" blushsad we use to have sex 3 times a day and we may have it 2/3 times a week if he's not to tired, busy, not in the mood, his tv programme is on etc.

Now I'm lying on the sofa because he's snoring, grinding his teeth and rolling in to me continuously in his sleep and I've had enough I just feeling like he's with me because it's easier and it's nice to have someone and he doesn't really love me anymore despite saying it. I however am madly in love with him sad

I'm nearly 21 and he's nearly 24 we've only been together 6 months

steff13 Wed 22-Jan-14 02:21:59

Do you live together? It sounds like the relationship may have just run its course, if you know what I mean. You obviously don't have kids together if you've only been together for six months, what is it you love about him?

RalphLaurenLover Wed 22-Jan-14 02:27:26

No we don't, he'll come over every other day or so and stay.
I was a single mum before hand and my past relationships never lasted more than 3 weeks he's my first serious one.
I love everything about him the way we talk, the way when he leaves for work at 7 he'll be super quiet to try not to wake me and kiss me on the head before he goes.

It's just ever since he said that I can't get it out of my mind iyswim? sad

twolittlebundles Wed 22-Jan-14 04:29:31

It doesn't sound as though he loves you - staying with someone who doesn't love you will grind you down 'til you don't love yourself either. And he sounds mean.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates Wed 22-Jan-14 04:44:02

I am sorry that you are unhappy, but honestly sweetheart, just get out of the relationship now. You are both young, believe me when I say that it's far better that he is honest with you now and you go your separate ways than that he strings you along, you have kids together and then you discover that he doesn't love you. It is hard, but in the long run it'll be the better option. Good luck [flowers and wine]

Are you really madly in love? You sound thoroughly miserable, not blissfully happy.

And why would you want to be with someone who is telling you do clearly that they don't want you, and being so spiteful in doing so?

The first six months are the honeymoon period - he's supposed to be impressing you with his amazingness, not dragging you down.

I know it hurts to let go, but from what you're telling us, this is not the man for you & staying with him is only stopping you meeting the right person.

MsAspreyDiamonds Wed 22-Jan-14 05:28:54

Get rid of him, its a New Year so time for a fresh start & all that. Time to turn the focus on you and your child, if a relationship doesn't suit the both of you then discard it.

Be careful about introducing a new man so quickly to your child as it will be unsettling, if you can find a babysitter to care for your child while you meet them outside. Your home should be the quiet private space where you retreat from the stresses of every day life.

It's not easy meeting new people and I imagine even more difficult as a lone parent. Go along to groups / sign up to a course (you should qualify for a creche place) build up your friendship circle & you may meet someone who respects you more.

Put the emphasis on friendship rather than a relationship and if a guy is happy with that then he is worth keeping. This current bf is using you as a convenient friend with benefits & a hotel. He will dump you as soon as a 'better offer' comes along.

SoBloodyFrustrated Wed 22-Jan-14 05:32:16

If it were me I'd be waking him and asking him to go home and not come back.

Saying to you that you can no longer get him erect is not only completely disrespectful but shows what an arse he is, said to make you feel as if you're somehow to blame. It sounds as though this relationship has run it's course.

MsAspreyDiamonds Wed 22-Jan-14 05:32:32

Bin him before you completely lose your self respect.
As someone else pointed out, you don't sound happy at all. Multiply that feeling by 12. That's the way you'll be in a year or so if it lasts that long.
Regain your 'self' and end the relationship.
Good luck. You deserve better.

claraschu Wed 22-Jan-14 06:28:38

You both sound like you are in danger of confusing sex with love. Not having sex 3 times a day is not a sign of not being in love. Not texting for 4 hours is also fine.

You sound like you were both a bit obsessive, and it is good to let that obsessiveness pass, as it naturally does. You can be in love with someone and care about them deeply, and also have an absorbing life away from them.

claraschu Wed 22-Jan-14 06:29:45

By the way, I don't mean that I think he is the one for you. His comment about irony and erections seems very twattish.

Finola1step Wed 22-Jan-14 06:31:38

Dump him.

He's an arse. Protect your dd from seeing this relationship as she grows up.

Then work on yourself and your own self esteem.

He's rude, lazy and unkind. He's spiteful and disrespectful. He tells you it's 'ironic' that you can't turn him on? What a cunt. 6 months in you should be crazy in love, not like this. Sounds like a classic case of 'came on too strong now cooling off' to me.

DigestivesAndPhiladelphia Wed 22-Jan-14 08:21:25

Ironic? What a absolute twat.

Get him out as soon as possible and start getting over him.

You sound like someone who can fall in love quite easily. That doesn't have to be a bad thing but you can save that love for someone who makes you feel amazing and who deserves your love.

The things you have listed: him going out quietly, giving you a kiss before he goes. That it is just basic stuff that you will get in any relationship. You should be getting a lot more than that, without the cruel remarks, especially only six months in flowers

It's just wasting your time sweetheart. He sounds like a knob and you deserve so much more.

Look - here's the thing. Just because this is your longest relationship doesn't mean you have to extend it. It's not you that's the reason it's not working out, it's him.

RalphLaurenLover Wed 22-Jan-14 09:21:59

I can't get a babysitter if I leave my LO he'll cry till he's physically sick, scream everything. The only person he doesn't do that with is my sister who's getting married next month and is ttc and my mum who isn't really a choice anymore because she'll ditch Him for her no bf.

He did come in say he felt bad then went back to bed and resumed with his snoring.

I guess I know we're not going anywhere he's said he "can't move In in the future till I get a bigger house" because he NEEDS a man room and his own space", yet when I say since id be getting the bigger house it would be my LO's play room he's adamant it wouldn't be.
Mostly because his best mate has a 'man room' and they're naively thinking when his LO gets here that it will still be a man room that the LO will never set foot in and they're friends will be in it every Friday drinking beer. I've tried to explain it won't but he doesn't believe me because there is two of them unlike me.
Idk sad

Tryharder Wed 22-Jan-14 10:12:32

Is he the father of your child?

Tryharder Wed 22-Jan-14 10:14:11

Sorry, he's not as you've only been together for 6 months. Should read OP properly.

I think you should dump this loser and concentrate on your child rather than wasting head space on cock lodgers and other male lowlifes.

MeepMeepVrooooom Wed 22-Jan-14 10:45:22

Sorry if you have only been together 6 months I think it sounds like he isn't the one for you.

You deserve someone who will make you happy and not put you down (which FYI he is doing)

In short you deserve better than him.

formerbabe Wed 22-Jan-14 11:32:21

Er...dump him...and be grateful you have only wasted 6 months of your life on such a man.

whois Wed 22-Jan-14 11:54:43

Doesn't sound like you have many positive role models for relationships in you're life. Dump this boy, work on your self respect and confidence and don't continue the cycle of multiple shit relationships for your child to see.

gamerchick Wed 22-Jan-14 12:00:31

6 months in you shouldn't be miserable with your bloke.

Tell him it's not working out... it's hard when you love somebody more than they do you but he's going to be no good for you long term if he can treat you like this in so little time in. sad

AnyFucker Wed 22-Jan-14 12:04:07

Christ, what a dick he is

Terrible example for your dc

Bin him, pronto. You can do much better than this twat. He doesn't love you, you are just convenient at the moment.

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