AIBU to feel hurt by my friends?

(139 Posts)
Crazeeladee Tue 21-Jan-14 18:59:05

I posted this in chat too, but haven't had a response. I know I'm going to sound very childish in this post, but need some advice on how change how I feel about a situation. I became friends with friend A when we were both pregnant, we got on very well and met friend b at baby groups, we used to meet up for walks and lunches when our dc's were babies. I met friend c at another group, she was struggling to cope with her baby and I invited her to some of our lunches, she became a firm friend of us all. We had a few evenings together as families, all got on well. I've recently found out that they have been meeting up all together without me, and are now all going on holiday together. I feel very hurt, I have mentioned it friend c, who replied that some friendships just work, I know this is true, but just can't stop feeling really hurt, and wondering what I've done. We still see each other during the week sometimes when the dc's are at school, it's meeting up as families that I don't get the invites to. I feel really hurt and upset,AIBU?

CoffeeTea103 Tue 21-Jan-14 19:01:08

Yanbu, there has to be a reason. That's mean of them. Could you speak to friend A to find out what's going on?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates Tue 21-Jan-14 19:01:51

Not at all. It would be upsetting, sounds like you need to make some new friends. flowers

DevonFolk Tue 21-Jan-14 19:03:53

Wow that's hard. Is there any chance there's been a problem between children/husbands that you don't know about?

Aww sad. I am not surprised that you feel hurt. It is hard to know what you can do about it though. It may not be about you though. Perhaps their DH's get on particularly well or perhaps it's to do with the kids.
Do you have other friends that you can spend time with?

Crazeeladee Tue 21-Jan-14 19:04:21

Thank you. I've only spoken to friend c as she doesn't work, Nd friend a doesn't get back till later. Friend C said I haven't done anything, it's just that different people get on, but we all used to get on!

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 21-Jan-14 19:05:33

Are there any issues with your kids or husband?

dozeydoris Tue 21-Jan-14 19:06:07

Threes a crowd usually, so their new arrangement sounds doomed to me.

Rosieliveson Tue 21-Jan-14 19:06:40

This seems a bit mean.
Is it worth bringing it up when you're all together? Do you know of any issues with the DCs or husbands? Only thing I can think of.

Crazeeladee Tue 21-Jan-14 19:07:00

The dc's are all at different schools, so don't get seeing each other much. My dh is quite shy, and it takes him a while to get talking, I don't know if that's it or not. I've got other friends, I think it's just hit hard today as the friendship obviously wasn't seen by them how it was seen by me.

Crazeeladee Tue 21-Jan-14 19:08:07

Rosie we have no time arranged to meet up together, they seem to do it without telling me.

scratchandsniff Tue 21-Jan-14 19:08:42

I'd be upset too. Not a nice situation to be in. I wonder if they have a problem with your DH if you're still included when it's just the four of you.

Brittabot Tue 21-Jan-14 19:08:56

Poor you, that's mean of them. It does sound like you get on with them, and it's the husbands or children that there's an issue with? I hope they have the courtesy to let you know why.

toomuchtooold Tue 21-Jan-14 19:09:24

YANBU. You're better off without them, Crazeeladee!

Nancy66 Tue 21-Jan-14 19:10:41

it is mean and I understand you feeling hurt.

You need to let it go though and concentrate on your other friendships. Perhaps it was your shy husband, perhaps if was that the other two just had more in common. You don't really need to know because even if they welcomed you back it would feel sour now.

Some people just aren't very nice. Fuck 'em !

Crazeeladee Tue 21-Jan-14 19:14:48

Thanks for all your support, felt like I was going mad, it's good to know others would feel the same x

maddening Tue 21-Jan-14 19:15:36

I would speak to friend a - and explain that friend c has essentially told you that you weren't invited as they don't consider you to be someone they got on with as her reason was "different people just get on with each other"

if it is the case that they have effectively chosen to evict you from the friendship group at least you will know and have the chance to know why.

it could be that you have been wendied unwittingly by friend c?

ladymontdore Tue 21-Jan-14 19:15:56

Never introduce friends to other friends! That sounds mean but I'm beginning to think it's a good rule!

roweeena Tue 21-Jan-14 19:16:00

That's not nice. It will be hard but you need to just rise above them and put your efforts into other friendships.

facedontfit Tue 21-Jan-14 19:18:54

Exactly the same thing happened to me, YANBU to be hurt. I was very hurt for a long time. Life goes on, stiff upper lip and all that!

Rosieliveson Tue 21-Jan-14 19:21:54

Aw, I'm sorry for you. May be best to draw a line under that friendship. They are the ones in the wrong and I hope that dawns on them and they feel rotten!

hmc Tue 21-Jan-14 19:25:15

We've all had this I guess. With couples mixing (and children) there is more scope for mismatch. Its one of the reasons that I prefer to have my friends and dh prefers to have his rather than trying to achieve a 'couple fit' - invariably the husbands get on like a house on fire whilst the wives don't gel or vice versa. I had a close friend - we both got married and had children. We all went away for a family holiday with husbands and kids but I found her dh hard work (as did my husband)and that spelt the end of that friendship (she lives too far away for it to be practical for me to see her on her own). In another group of friends we all like the woman and the man but their daughter is toxic and insidiously bullies our children, so we try to avoid family outings involving them. None of us have told them what the problem is - what can you say, your child is a terror?

In turn we've been left out in the cold by a couple we were previously friendly with - my dh and hers get on, but I think she finds me a bit difficult to stomach (she's a bit vanilla whereas I can be brash).

Optimist1 Tue 21-Jan-14 19:26:10

Quite understand why you're feeling hurt, and I tend to agree with other posters that the dynamic between your husbands or children isn't great. If you like them, keep up the friendship with the women but keep it on a without-families basis. (One of my oldest friends and I - 20+ years - have maintained a girls-only friendship because our OHs were like chalk and cheese.)

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 21-Jan-14 19:26:21

Have you read the Wendy threads OP this is a familiar tale.
I'm sorry that is shitty of them sad

hmc Tue 21-Jan-14 19:26:48

Don't wish to be dismissive though - it's life but it still hurts. Don't think there is necessarily any animosity involved though

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