to think childminders should play with their mindees?

(132 Posts)
smuggler Tue 21-Jan-14 13:04:49

My dd went to a childmindwe briefly a few years ago when she was three years old. She used to come home telling me she'd watched tv all day. I approached the cm about this who said that wasn't true. Dds behaviour alternated between being hyperactive and lethargic which fitted in better with dds version of her day and I switched to a nursery where dd was much happier.

I was at toddler group with my other dd this morning and saw the cm there. She works with her sister and they sat chatting for the entire three hours, only stopping to put the baby's dummy back in if he made a noise. When they were leaving I saw that they had 8 children with them! All of whom had been ignored throughout the group despite a couple having been hitting others and one that cried in the corner for most of it. A mum came in to drop a little girl off and cm made a big fuss of her in front of mum. Within thirty seconds of her leaving the little girl was plonked down crying and cm returned to her conversation, vaguely telling her to go and play every five mins or so.

Aibu to think cm's should play with their mindees and to be cross at this shit treatment of little children whose parents are paying for 'mother-like loving care' and being told what wonderful days they've had?

ConcreteElephant Sat 16-Aug-14 18:50:09

Mindees are the children that are looked after by the childminder.

HappyMummy93 Sat 16-Aug-14 18:42:33

Hi, I know this is a really old thread but could you possible tell me what mindees means. I had some photos done of my son and the photographer put them on her fb page... Somebody has commented on it tagging someone saying isn't this one of your mindees? The person replied saying "no :/" I've tried asking them but no reply. Don't mean to sound like a crazy mum but it's bugging me and nothing comes up on google when I type it in. Any help would be amazing thanks!

kitchensinkmum Sun 26-Jan-14 19:27:17

MPB
I totally agree. Being with a childminder should be the same as being with your own mother . Just the same.
I don't see why a CM can't hang her washing out while children play in the garden . How many other jobs are there where your house trashed for 12 hours a day
And for as little as £4 per hour per child.
Childminders are expected to be teachers but without the training, the pay, the long holidays and the respect.
Plus adults shouldn't play with children all day long, or they will never develop an imagination, or learn to risk take. The world has gone crazy on my humble opinion.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 26-Jan-14 12:40:21

Tanith.

No they really wouldn't. Everybody other than really very stupid people knows that there is good and bad in every job.

Tanith Sun 26-Jan-14 12:15:12

Of course you can, Iggi. There are, however, posters on this thread who appear on every similar thread solely to put the boot in.

MPB Sun 26-Jan-14 12:06:44

There does needs to be flexibility and understanding. And I am so very very lucky that my parents understand I need to do things in the day.

I think they understand how tedious the job can be stuck in the house / trudging between toddlers/ school so don't mind me doing some day to day stuff. After all that's why many if them went back to work.
In some ways it is even more tedious as I don't have the freedom to dump them in a pram and bog off to Meadowhall like I did with my own!

Some like us to mimic daily life others prefer a nursery type childminder.
Each to their own.

I have never ever ignored my mindees at groups. I wouldn't do it.
Besides there's that many judgey pants people I wouldn't get away with it! wink

BrandNewIggi Sun 26-Jan-14 11:52:59

You can post about housework without being anti-childminder you know! I use a childminder. It is possible to discuss certain aspects of a job without meaning you hold the whole thing in disregard. It wouldn't have occurred to me that housework was an issue if others hadn't brought it up.
And no, I wouldn't do online banking etc when at work, unless on a break. I'm not paid for that. As cm don't get breaks in the same way, obviously there is a need for more flexibility in their day to make up for this.

OpalQuartz Sun 26-Jan-14 11:47:39

It's interesting to compare this thread to the one about the mum at a toddler group who had an 18 month old who wanted to sit on the mum's lap as she wasn't confident enough to go off and play, so the mum decided to go cold turkey, by blanking her the entire 2.5 hours despite the baby getting extremely distressed to the point she was banging her head on the floor. The mum didn't give any appearance of being at the end of her tether, but most people replied to tell the OP off for being judgy. I'm not a CM, but it does seem that CMs are judged quite harshly in comparison.

Tanith Sun 26-Jan-14 10:51:20

Hi Body! <waves>
So glad she's recovering well. Are you on the move then?
Xx

Tanith Sun 26-Jan-14 10:50:18

The trouble is, Sock, that these threads throw up so many negative stories about people perceived as being childminders.
Some are not. They may be parents looking after each other's kids, they may be nannies, they may be illegal childminders.
Then you get the anti-childminder posters jumping at the chance to do a bit more mudslinging, hence the moans about us doing housework.

Then there's the naive "this is why I use a nursery because it's safer" comments.

If we were to ignore these comments instead of challenging them, people who don't know much about childminders would be left with the impression that we're the same.

moogy1a Sun 26-Jan-14 10:17:38

Was she showing the text to the kid? Hard to see the danger to mindees if not. Think you might not like this person for a host of other more personal reasons!!

Snugglepiggy Sun 26-Jan-14 10:10:01

Well I never used a CM when my children were small but bet there are some brilliant ones out there.However I wonder what Ofsted would have thought of a former CM near me who took her mindees out daily for a walk with her dogs to a local beauty spot and after befriending my DH who was walking dogs,several, went out of her way daily to be there and 'bumping' into him at that sane time each day however filthy and foul the weather and during her working hours when they were in her care was sending him multiple texts that became sexually explicit.Dont imagine she put that in her risk assessment.Of course my DH was a plonker to encourage and reciprocate but that's another issue for a different thread.But have often wondered what her clients would have thought of her ' priorities' even if she was playing with them the rest of the day .Just a thought I have often had.

AbbyLou Sun 26-Jan-14 08:42:25

My children's care is split between two childminders who are best friends. The complicated arrangement goes back to when they were babies and one couldn't have them all the time so they worked out an arrangement between themselves to work for me. They are both wonderful and treat all the children in their care like their own. They do so many things I could not even begin to list them on here. My dc are 9 and 6 now and both obviously at school. However, they love the things they do before and after school and especially love INSET days when they get to go out for the day! I am a teacher at dd's school and the juniors ds goes to is next door so we often have the same INSET days. It is great for me to know that while I'm at work they are having a ball!
I have never ever questioned my choice of childminders and my dc have absolutely flourished in their care.

Mellowandfruitful Sun 26-Jan-14 00:51:56

There are good nurseries and bad nurseries, good childminders and bad childminders - as in every job, as Sock says above. Pointless and misleading to generalise. (I went for nursery btw but think childminders do a tough job.)

For the posters a way back saying CMs shouldn't do housework during the day, I hope none of them while at work have ever done their online banking, made a personal phone call/email, bought something on Amazon, stopped for a chat with a colleague, or done any of the other things that grease the wheels of daily life without stopping them getting their overall aims for that day met.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 26-Jan-14 00:38:33

If its wrong to have a thread about a childminder whose a bit crap, does that also apply to every single type of job?

if your a good childminder then you are obviously not the childminder being talked about.

Every single job has piss poor people doing them just as it has wonderful people doing them and everything in between.

There is nothing at all wrong with openly talking about bad ones, be cross at the ones you think are giving you a bad name not the people who talk about them.

Pilgit Sun 26-Jan-14 00:14:49

I used to go to a playgroup and I couldn't tell which were child minders and which were parents. But you get good and bad in every profession!

bodygoingsouth Sun 26-Jan-14 00:05:03

hi tanith so missing the cm board. may need to start up again now dd is so much better.

hope you are doing good xx

MPB Sat 25-Jan-14 23:38:35

I knew what you meant.

No they don't need all that stuff. Some CM make into a competition though and compete to be so absolutely blumming fantastic mini teachers. When all some parents want is a warm happy home and a cuddly CM to look after their little people.

I am looking after a little one, and the only reason she is with me is because one of her GP's has cancer. All her Mum wanted was for her to be looked after by a nice warm cuddly person. I offered to go through the EYFS/ planning side if things and she she put her hand up and 'no I don't care about all that, I just want you to look after her for me'

kitchensinkmum Sat 25-Jan-14 22:54:00

M, I agree . You should be paid more . Childminders are usually mums too and offer something special to a cared for child, by taking them into their home and including them in another family .
I know some great childminders. I think they are expected to offer a lot for very little money in return. My point was not to knock childminders at all. Apologies if it sounded like this .
I was pointing out how everyone seems to moan about the cost of child care.
Children don't need structured play all day long, observations and targets do they .

MPB Sat 25-Jan-14 20:47:29

Kitchensinkmum

I'm caring and intelligent and a childminder shock (I am paid a pittance though.)

Did you mean your post to come across that way?grin

Loads of CM do topics drives me bloody mad, they think they're teachers! We've been told not to do topics and everything should be based around a child's interests. And things should've 80% child led.

My auntie was a CM 20 years ago, had one box of toys, the kids watched videos and slotted into Aunt F's routine and they all ended up going to uni! And were loved to bits.

We massively over think it these days. Guilt about working and not being able to be home for little Johnny?

As long as they are safe warm, stimulated, cuddled and loved its all they need. They are at school until 18!

coco44 Sat 25-Jan-14 20:10:44

ok well firstly I would say the point of taking the kids to the toddler group is for them to play with other children and when my Dsis studied childcare they were discouraged from playing with the children (because of influencing what they were doing rather than it being child led) instead they should be facilitating play opportunities which is *exactly what they are doing by taking them to a toddler group
Secondly the point of a cm is that the child is fitting in with the workings of a household not living in some weird pre-school bubble with topics and themes

kitchensinkmum Sat 25-Jan-14 19:59:21

Everyone is always banging on that childcare should be cheaper. If you want someone who is caring and intelligent to have your child then it needs to cost more. In my humble opinion if it's the cheapest it might not be the best.
A lady in our village told me she works 80 hours a week childminding, she starts early and finishes late sometimes working Saturdays too.

kitchensinkmum Sat 25-Jan-14 19:55:09

Well said LingDi . I'm pro childminders and think they deserve more credit.
Childcare gets bad press it's time it got more positive comments.

LingDiLong Sat 25-Jan-14 19:41:11

It really is hard reading on here how crap all childminders supposedly are...that anyone could do our job, that we have no right to do anything except hover constantly over all the children in our care. Oh and yet we still apparently charge too much.

Let me tell you that actually no, this isn't a job anyone can do. I've done loads of jobs in my time and childminding is far and away the hardest work. I put my heart and soul into it too, I work 50 hours day with no break and that's not counting the extra time I put in on planning, my childcare qualification and other CPD as well as paperwork etc. If I were shit believe me the parents would soon find out. The kids I look after are all verbal enough to tell their parents what they do with me, I'm in a small community and everyone would soon see if I were neglecting the kids at playgroups.

Consider this too, parents are actually complicit sometimes in the shit care of their kids. As I've said in another thread on here, I've had parents literally just drop their kids off to start with me without even a full conversation with me, let alone checking my qualifications and policies. They got lucky in that the care I offer is exceptional. It could have so easily been different. Maybe the parents of the kids you see with these supposedly crap childminders don't actually care enough to find quality childcare, they've gone with the cheapest, easiest option without bothering to check out properly what they're getting into. I find it hard to believe that people who are so visibly crap at childminding are managing to pull the wool over parent's eyes.

thegreylady Sat 25-Jan-14 18:51:41

Our cm is wonderful. She has had dgc from being 6 months old so 7 years now. She and I have shared the care and I have been to her home. My dgc are school age now but cm does two pickups a week. The dgc tell me about country walks, baking cakes, bottle feeding lambs etc. when she is there to pick up her mindees run to her shouting her name. She once challenged the older ones to a garden water pistol fight with them against her. She lives on a farm and was a nanny before she married. Every child deserves a R** if Mum has to work.

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