To really, really not want to go back to this job?

(25 Posts)

I work one job Monday to Friday (part time hours but with a lot of overtime) and one job on a weekend (6 hours a week but been there 3 years and used to be full time). I've had a lot of ill health recently - slipped discs back in October which meant I had 4 weeks off, then had a fall and a brain haemorrhage on NYE and have only just this week started driving again. Doc has signed me off from the weekend job until next weekend, but I have been doing a few hours at the other job as this isn't strenuous in the slightest and I can rest when I need to.

Weekend job is awful; I absolutely hate the bloody place. They expect way too much from us, treat us like shit at the best of times and the atmosphere in there is just bitchy and horrible. When I went back after my back problem, they were unsympathetic, wouldn't let me have a break when I needed it, and the manager hinted that he thought I'd been winging it (really wasn't; couldn't even walk to school, 300 yards away, for the first week!).

Whilst I was in hospital, my friend rang my weekend manager and left a message explaining what had happened. She recieved a text back saying "Thanks..." Not one person has rang/texted/messaged me to see how I am and if I'm ok, apart from one bloke who lives near me and who I count as a friend. I've sent my medical certificate in with him and I'm due to go back this weekend. I'm having major panic attacks at the thought of setting foot back in there, let alone on one of the busiest days of the week. Since my head injury, I've felt anxious and low, which I know is a side effect of the concussion, but I don't feel I can face standing in a busy shop in a job which is incredibly full on. I'm not sure what to do; I'm literally losing sleep about it.

It's only 6 hours and, at a push, I could probably manage without the money, as I have a 20 mile round trip to get there anyway, by the time I've dropped ds off at my dad's, but it would be a struggle. I'm talking to my other employer about upping my hours, and I've applied for 15 part time jobs in the last week, so hoping I can get something to cover it. I just can't go back, but I can't decide whether to just hand my notice in, or whether to ask the doc, when I see her tomorrow, for a note for another week, as I genuinely don't feel up to spending that long on my feet, and I'm very likely to make mistakes which I know I'll be given no leeway for.

Sorry for the essay, I'm worrying myself sick. I feel crappy, I've still got a headache, I'm knackered but not sleeping and I'm as depressed as hell sad

cocobongo Mon 20-Jan-14 22:30:36

Simple- ask doctor for another line as you are still not feeling fit for work. Take your time when you are off to make the decision on whether to return.

Hope you feel better soon. x

Bostonpancake Mon 20-Jan-14 22:32:22

Sorry to hear you've had a hard time. I think you would be better off getting a doctors note for another few weeks and take your time deciding what to do. Try not to stress about it! You need to concentrate on getting better first.

anothernumberone Mon 20-Jan-14 22:34:32

God that sounds awful you have had such a rough time. I would not want to go back either I know they are employers not friends but my God not to even check how you were is ignorant. I hope you get more hours in the other place but got the sake of your health please don't go back to the second job,

anothernumberone Mon 20-Jan-14 22:35:19

Boston's advice is really good re the sick note too.

RandomMess Mon 20-Jan-14 22:39:33

I genuinely really think you need more time off from it. Give yourself some breathing space until you feel better and then make a decision on whether to return or not.

Thanks smile feel like I'm being really flaky but I genuinely don't feel right and the thought of going back to that hell-hole is making me feel even worse. I'm really hurt that not one of the people I've worked with for years have bothered to check that I'm ok, and I've hated going in for months now; this has just really cemented it!

DairyFogMother Mon 20-Jan-14 22:57:40

YANBU. A brain haemorrhage is often referred to as the hidden injiry due to how it impacts on the individual. Before you go back to work at either job you need to have written guidelines with HR.

Do not rush back to work. Helpful information https://www.headway.org.uk/brain-haemorrhage.aspx

My husband has a partial recovery from a subarachnoid haemorrhage ten years ago. I wish you well.

DairyFogMother - that's what I've had. Sadly, considering I work for such a large company, the HR department is a complete joke sad The other job I do is for a little local, family run, shop and they have been absolutely brilliant about it all, even sending me dinner down when I first came home from hospital. It's really made me realise how much I hate the weekend job!

DairyFogMother Mon 20-Jan-14 23:21:06

Get a sick note for more time off as others have said, four weeks realy isn't very long to recover from a cerebral insult.

Anything between your employers needs to be in writing because you may well need to prove how they haven't assisted you back into work. Do not be bullied into change of contracts if you find your current role taxing. If you need to take legal advice at any point in the future, do use an employment specialist.

HowBadCanThisGet Mon 20-Jan-14 23:35:09

I don't think you can go back to work at your first job, if you aren't well enough to go back to the second. I actually agree that you should get another doctor's note, but I completely understand why you want to hand in your notice.

I used to work for a major bank, and one morning I just had enough, and handed my notice in half way through my shift. They escorted me off the premises, and I was home by lunchtime. It was the best decision I ever made, and I felt much better. I was really worried about telling my parents as it was so out of character, but they were delighted!

I temped for about 3 months, and in that time found something else. I know the jobs market is very different now, but if you can just about manage without that money, then I think you should hand in your notice, and look after yourself while you look for something else/up your hours

The first job is easy and is getting me out the house and stopping me going insane! I've only gone back an hour or two a day, and if I don't feel well, they send me home. Second job is a 7 hour shift on my feet all day in a very busy store and I just can't hack that right now. Unfortunately, I don't get sick pay from either job so it's going to start getting problematic soon where money is concerned.

I just feel so bloody tired all the time at the minute, yet I'm lying awake til 5am some mornings and having to get up at 7.30 to do the school run.

Terrortree Tue 21-Jan-14 00:59:00

I might have missed the point here, but would you not have more energy/esteem if you lost the baggage of the second job? If you could survive the short term financially, you may well end up doing your mental and physical health the much needed boost you clearly need. Then once you've made a bit of progress, you can allow yourself to address the financial issues again - but if you could do job one much better, then wouldn't it convert to more hours?

At the moment you are committed to working seven days a week. I realise this isn't full time but still it's a lot when you're feeling sub-par.

Terrortree Tue 21-Jan-14 01:00:07

doing but giving

Thanks Terrortree you've hit the nail on the head I think smile The second job saps my energy at the best of times, and at the minute, I just don't need that; I need to be concentrating on getting better. We "affectionately" call the place a mood Hoover because you can turn up in the best of moods, yet within minutes all enthusiasm is gone!

I'm going to ask the doctor tomorrow for a bit longer signed off and give me chance to make a decision once and for all.

Terrortree Tue 21-Jan-14 01:34:47

Good for you. It's sad to read about others sadness. Sometimes a little risk pays dividends. Best wishes.

Back from my doctors appointment and she's signed me off for another 2 weeks and prescribed me Amitriptyline as apparently this will help with the sleeping, low moods, headaches etc., so hopefully will start perking up soon!

Topaz25 Tue 21-Jan-14 12:10:01

YANBU. It sounds like the stress of the second job is having a detrimental affect on your recovery. No job is worth your health. If you can get by without it then I would leave. I hope you fell better soon thanks

MistressDeeCee Tue 21-Jan-14 13:39:33

I wouldnt go back to an awful job I hated. Life is truly too short for some things

You can be too sick for one job but well enough for another so its perfectly reasonable to be signed off from the weekend job whilst working during the week. If I had a broken leg I could work in an office but wouldn't be able to do a weekend job at a pub for example.

Juliet - I hope you feel better soon and see how you feel over the next week or so before making a final decision about the weekend job.

Topaz25 Wed 22-Jan-14 12:18:37

*feel

DameDeepRedBetty Wed 22-Jan-14 12:23:53

Other people have already posted what I was going to say.

Amytriptelene was a lifesaver for me when I was in such appalling pain from sciatica that I couldn't sleep.

And dump this soul sucking job. Life's too short to completely trash every weekend doing something you hate.

Just a little update for anyone that's interested smile

My Monday to Friday job have just offered me a few extra hours, enough to enable me to leave the weekend job that I hate grin

Feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders! I'm composing my resignation letter as I speak... smile

Yay thanks

facedontfit Fri 31-Jan-14 13:25:10

Great news, don't leave the weekend job though until your sick note expires! wink

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