Asking family to make a two hour journey for a party

(70 Posts)
ShabbyChic8 Mon 20-Jan-14 21:42:34

All my family: parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents live within a few miles of each other. Me, my husband and my daughter live a two hour drive away. AIBU to think that they might travel that distance to come to my daughters first birthday party?

I genuinely don't know if it's a big ask. I do the journey all the time because if I didn't I wouldn't have seen any of them in years so for me it's nothing now but I wonder if it's too much to ask or expect.

Fruli Wed 22-Jan-14 21:26:24

A lot of our family live three hours away. I invited them all for DD's baptism and most of them came. I didn't them invite them all for her birthday as it was only a few months later and didn't want to burden them. We had a garden party with local friends and family.

mercibucket Wed 22-Jan-14 21:23:13

thats a really good response!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Wed 22-Jan-14 21:00:41

I live 7 hours from my family 10 from middle brother and his family. I go up to see my mum 2 / 3 times a year and she used to come to me twice but she is quite elderly now and its more tricky for her. Neither DB's come to see us unless they are on holiday in my area yet I am expected to travel up for christenings, special birthday's and now a 25th wedding do. so no 2 hours is nothing, just invite them if you want them there but be prepared for a no and just shrug.

If you do it for them it would be nice for them to do it for you. Just the first bday though.

DontmindifIdo Wed 22-Jan-14 18:53:51

I think that's a good response too, and probably they are the only people you will be able to stay close to if you live so far from extended family, given the time constraints little children bring to your lives.

BackforGood Wed 22-Jan-14 18:32:30

When my dc were little, we'd invite Grandparents, GreatGrandparents, Aunts, Uncles, etc over for a tea party around about their birthdays, not specifically because it was important for anyone other than parents as an event, per se, but it just acted as a prompt to get together as an extended family, otherwise, with people all having their own busy lives, you could turn round and realise it was a year since you last saw them all.
So I guess how depends how you see the 'occasion', and if there are lots of other times in the year you all get together.

SpookedMackerel Wed 22-Jan-14 18:27:57

I think two hours is nothing.
Dd and I travel an hour each way every week just to meet up with a friend for coffee.

And my dad used to drive a 2 hour round trip every Sunday to pick up his aunt for Sunday lunch at ours because her son had moved to America so she was on her own. And then he'd take her back again after lunch, another 2 hours.

happygirl87 Wed 22-Jan-14 18:18:47

I travelled 2 hours for my goddaughter's first bday, and 3 hours (with 8 year old DSD, by tube, train and cab!) to my cousin's baby's first bday. You can only ask.

vestandknickers Wed 22-Jan-14 18:06:14

First birthdays are really only for the parents. Sounds like you've had a great response if your parents, Brother and Sister are coming. I don't think you can feel let down if more distant relatives don't want to spend four hours travelling when your baby won't even realise it is her birthday! Enjoy the day with the people who are there - don't fret about those who aren't.

Joiningthegang Wed 22-Jan-14 18:03:38

Not as long as you don't get offended if they decide not to make a 4 hour round trip.

NewBeginings Wed 22-Jan-14 18:02:33

I think that's quite a good response tbh!

ShabbyChic8 Wed 22-Jan-14 17:59:08

Thank you for your responses. It's good to get alternative opinions. I did ask and I have had 'no's from all except parents, sister and brother. I'm sad but not surprised. Thanks again.

TheNumberfaker Tue 21-Jan-14 12:41:39

I'm with Badroly.

We live just over an hour from ILs. We travel to them once or twice a month. They come to us once or twice a year.

Floggingmolly Tue 21-Jan-14 12:33:39

A four hour round trip for a first birthday party?? I wouldn't.

TeenAndTween Tue 21-Jan-14 12:30:38

I think 2 hours each way is a big ask if they are only going to be at your house for eg 1 hour. (My reference points - 20min commute, children walk to school).

Not such a big asking if you are hosting for lunch, whole afternoon, and evening meal too.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KellyElly Tue 21-Jan-14 11:57:26

Ask away. They can say yes or no.

SlightlyDampWellies Tue 21-Jan-14 11:31:41

That is really true, Girl. (I always say 'invitation, not obligation')

My DParents live 5 hours away from our home town. They have friends who consistently refuse to visit for a weekend, as it is 'much too far for a weekend' yet invite them a few times a year for dinner only. Which my DParents often do go to. (They stay in a Premier Inn equivalent if they do go).

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt Tue 21-Jan-14 11:26:54

An invitation is not an expectation.

However, I'm also in the boat where I'm the one who lives away from family and friends that I grew up with. Family are pretty good, but friends are definitely of the opinion that the M1 does not go in two directions.

firesidechat Tue 21-Jan-14 11:26:36

We live 2 hours from most of my family and would think nothing of a 4 hour round trip. Although I would think of it more as a chance for a family get together than to celebrate a first birthday because the child will be totally unaware.

My daughter also lives over 2 hours away and is having her first child any day now. If they invited us for a party I wouldn't hesitate to go.

Really 2 hours is nothing. I went to visit the said daughter for a few hours last week because time drags waiting for an overdue baby to make an appearance and she could do with the distraction. It was fine.

EverythingInMjiniature Tue 21-Jan-14 11:22:49

Some people commute 2 hours to work daily! I have. It's hardly a massive ask at a weekend.

randomAXEofkindness Tue 21-Jan-14 11:11:47

Posters keep pointing out that a 1st birthday party is more for the parents than the child. What of it? I'd go and make a fuss of a first birthday for the sake of the adults I care about, their feelings are important too, aren't they?

NynaevesSister Tue 21-Jan-14 11:10:49

I would only really care about giving grandparents/great grandparents the chance to be there. So if there are health issues I would hire a little room near them and have a wee tea party with cake.

If no health problems then have at yours but invite them so they can make the choice themselves. Really the first birthday is for you so I would go with that, and who ever makes it for cake is a bonus.

Kamer Tue 21-Jan-14 11:00:32

I think as its your DSs birthday you should host and invite people to yours. If they don't want to come and fuss about the journey, that's up to them but they won't be in a position to complain next time you don't find it convenient to attend once of their get togethers.

zipzap Tue 21-Jan-14 10:04:09

I would ask them - but be prepared to put some of them up overnight or have cheap b&b lists to hand so those who don't want to do the trip in a day have got options.

I would go ahead and have it at home so that in the future if they moan at you for not wanting to go there for an event or complain they always do Christmas or whatever - you can remind them that you nearly always go to them. And if they didn't come (due to travel rather than previous commitment) or moan about the journey then it won't do any harm to be able to remind them that there's an expectation you do the journey lots!

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