AIBU to ask you to tell me you de-stressing tips and tricks?

[babacoon]

DH and I have a very hectic life. We have one DC (4 years) and have zero family/ friends around. So one of us has to be looking after DS and at all times, whilst the other works. this means that DH works most nights and we have little to relax together. When one is working, the other is doing house chores etc. The weekend is spent in groceries, cleaning, cooking and storing for the next week etc.

I do get some time to myself over the weekend but come Monday and I feel so tired and stressed. DH and I feel like we are always worrying about something, always rushing to get something done.

So what are your tips to de-stress and unwind your self over the weekend so that you can start afresh on Mondays?

thanks :)

[bellasuewow]

Me and dh moved to a larger house and we are renovating it. We both have busy ft jobs and two dogs that need plenty of care and exercise. The drudgery can get you down sometimes but we decided to lower our standards a bit, whole place does not need or get top to bottom once a week anymore. We are split task between us ie I do the shopping and cooking and he does hoovering, I do dogs am and he does them pm etc this can be less overwhelming than both of us feeling we have the whole lot to do. Otherwise I suggest that you rota the cleaning like do laundry every day so its done by the weekend and say no to ironing, this has been a god send to us. If you have the money then get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week even just to do the floors and bathroom. Also are you too busy would you have a better quality of life if one of you worked for 3/4 days a week for the next 6 months or a year and can you afford that.
Watching with interest for others tips.

[Objection]

Breathing techniques are a god send. lots on the Internet.

also just find the time every day to take 5 minutes somewhere private and quiet with a drink (tea is good if you like it) and sit and do nothing at all Just 5 minutes but it gives you time to take a moment, be calm etc.

[Objection]

(my tips are all miniature ones as I work 7 days a week; haven't lost the plot yet though! it's the breathing techniques)

[babacoon]

Hi bella,

thanks for answering,

We already have our set tasks. DH does the school run, grocery, bills and everything else that entails going to the market. He also looks after DS from morning till late evening/early night when I return. He works 4 days a week, 2 of which are 5-6 hours a day. We already struggle with the finances so him working even less would completely break us.

I on the other hand cook when required ( i get someone to help me cook a couple of times a week) I work really long hours because that is a requirement of my work.

Some of my distressing tips is that we ensure DS is in bed on time on Friday so we can spend some time together. I make DH and DS lavish breakfast on Saturday morning which relaxes me as I enjoy it and they also like the pampering:)

I take DS for a walk on Saturdays as it relaxes us both and I like spending time with him alone :L)

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Gardening. And more gardening. Pottering in the greenhouse. Walking to the postbox. Mainly outside activities.

[pussycatdoll]

You could use childcare so you don't have to work around each other

[pussycatdoll]

So one of us has to be looking after DS and at all times, whilst the other works

But he's at school?

[Joysmum]

I like long hot baths. I also prefer to work very hard and for as much in as possible to get ahead of myself and leave designated regular time where no chores are needing to be done and I don't need to think about the next thing in my list.

[babacoon]

Hi Objection,

Thank you for sharing. What sort of techniques do you use if I may ask? I have no exercise in my daily routine at all. I guess I need to look into that as well. I'd love to start cycling but decent cycles and cycling gear is so expensive.

[babacoon]

pussycatdoll,

He is not at full time school yet and his nursery is at half hour drive from home. He goes 4 mornings a week.

[babacoon]

I liking the hot bath suggestion and taking 5 minutes every so often to relax your mind.

My job is very technical and analytical and I have to make a conscious effort to stop thinking IYSWIM. So sitting quietly in a hot bath would help me unwind. I'm going to do this next weekend. Defo!

[hazchem]

Yoga? I quite often do it with DS. I have a app on my lap top with loads of quite short yoga session 5,10,15 minute ones. So I can do one in the morning or after lunch or when ever. It helps

[janeyjampot]

DH and I walk together, even if only for 30 minutes. We don't answer phones or look at texts etc, but make sure we talk. We started doing this when DD went to Rainbows and we had an hour together. Instead of spending it doing jobs or doing something alone we always spend it together, sometimes just walking around the block.

We find it really useful - being outside seems to be a natural destresser for us and the exchange of information and sharing of perspectives and viewpoints avoids the confusion and misunderstanding that sometimes accompanies busy lives.

[babacoon]

thanks hazchem,

I will look into downloading some yoga apps. Would love to do it with DS :)

[babacoon]

janey,

thanks for the tip. I am looking to include exercise in our routine as a family. It would help us get fit and allow us to spend sometime doing something together as a family as well.

All very useful tips.
thanks everyone :)

[BrickorCleat]

Running has saved my mental health.

Other than shoes, it's free and even 20 minutes daily is headclearing.

Walking together at weekends might be a way of spending quality time with your DH to discuss priorities and get your lives into perspective.

Eat healthily, get organised and try and sleep properly. Easier said than done but will make a big difference to stress levels.

Meditation and mindfulness are also really helpful.

[BrickorCleat]

janeyjampot epic cross post. Walking together is like couples therapy with calorie burning!!

[janeyjampot]

BrickorCleat great minds :)

[hazchem]

If you use windows 8.1 the health and fitness app on the start screen has loads

[MostlyLovingLurchers]

Yep. Yoga and meditation. I have a daily yoga and meditation practice and also do yoga with ds (3) who loves it.

The real answer is mindfulness - being in the moment and being kind to yourself. It changes the focus from doing to being, so that you are calm and relaxed while doing your daily tasks, rather than trying to get everything out of the way first so that you can relax. Like with yoga you focus on your breath. There is loads of info online or happy to recommend some books if you'd like.

[Moomoomie]

Internet grocery shopping, saves loads of time and stress.

[mimolette]

Don't discount cycling - there is some very pricey gear out there but you don't necessarily need it. I have a cheap 100 quid bike for decathlon which does me just fine for the commute to work. The route is quite nice, I get exercise and fresh air automatically in my day, plus head space (as can't read/work while cycling), plus save money on transport costs. Could you cycle your DS to nursery?
Also, if you get a lunch break at work, try to make the most of that - go for a walk, sit in a cafe (even if it's just nursing a cheap cuppa), get a good book etc.

[Beastofburden]

It s going to get better soon as he gets to school. Plus he will be able to amuse himself much better in a year or so. In the short term, just knowing that is likely to help.

I recommend treats. Little things, like bubble bath and chocolate. Also exercise. Personally I like water, so I swim and have baths and no sticky little fingers, emails or phones can reach me there.

Mindfulness is a good thing. bemindful.co.uk/

[specialmagiclady]

I can recommend play dates. IME, 2 four year olds = no four year olds under your feet. When they're 3, it doesn't work like that, but suddenly at 4, they can entertain each other for ages without doing anything too awful. You will have more tidying to do afterwards but you will get reciprocal play dates too. Someone else will pick your child up and -miraculously - take him away.

[ashamedoverthinker]

Lower your standards - no one will turn up to inspect you.