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To get pissed off some days with living with a fussy eater.

(132 Posts)
jimijack Tue 14-Jan-14 19:07:12


He is perfectly capable of making his own meals but it's nice for us all to sit down and eat the same meal of an evening.

He is rubbing off on ds which pisses me off the most.

He has annoyed me tonight with his fussiness, I could happily tip tomorrow's tea over his head right now.

Frustrating is an understatement.

LittleBabyPigsus Fri 17-Jan-14 15:24:30

I also don't get the idea that people with Aspergers, supertasters etc don't exist in developing countries. Of course they do! Being a supertaster is down to how taste buds develop, it's not fussiness but a medical issue.

I am not fussy at all and like strong flavours but have IBS which means that there are some foods that I love but can't eat, and others I can only have a little of. I also have a few textural issues - beans are out, as are anything wet and crunchy like cucumber or raw onion. But that's really not much and as an adult I have every right to decide what I do or don't want to eat. What I DON'T have the right to do is be rude to people because of what they've served me, or to refuse all foods in xyz category, or only eat chicken nuggets ffs.

kind of want chicken nuggets for dinner now though oops

frugalfuzzpig Fri 17-Jan-14 14:56:35

How rude of him.

Of course it's reasonable to have a few foods you don't like and therefore never eat. But as others have said the whole "ALL fruit and veg are evil" thing is just silly, and when you have children, irresponsible.

harriet247 Wed 15-Jan-14 17:52:01

Very rude too! To turn his nose up at your cooking I mean :/ its just horrendous manners more than anything and a terrible example to your ds

AdmiralData Wed 15-Jan-14 17:51:03

YANBU Op. I live with my Son (10 months) Husband and Dad atm. It's chaos. My dad won't eat any carbohydrates, only meat/fish. My husband won't eat any kind of fish, only carbohydrates. Husband also not fussed on fruit or veg but I am slowly turning that around. Bloody nightmare.

Squitten Wed 15-Jan-14 17:46:28

IMO, it's completely reasonable not to like some things, e.g. I dislike avocados. To cut out an entire food group with the blanket statement of "not liking vegetables", for example, is childish. It's also an unhealthy attitude to food and I would not be happy with that being passed down to the children.

FuckingWankwings Wed 15-Jan-14 14:26:24

Fussy eaters piss me right off, so YANBU! Especially adults.

The things he eats are limited and, while not the work of the devil, NOT varied or good enough for him, or more importantly your household, to be eating. Chicken nuggets, spam and chips are not a balanced diet.

And it's downright irresponsible for him to leave fruit and veg out of what he cooks for your DS just because he doesn't eat them. Does he not care about DS's health?

You need a sit-down and a proper talk, OP. He needs to let or make DS have fruit, veg or salad when he's feeding him. If he cooks for the family he needs to cook you balanced meals with veg. If you are cooking and he says he won't eat what you're making, your response is 'Fine, make your own or go hungry but DS and I are having this and we're eating at x o'clock.'

squoosh Wed 15-Jan-14 13:46:18

Sound like you made a good swap between ex and dp enormouse!

Anyone giving a person with life threatening allergies grief over their menu choices is a grade A *****.

enormouse Wed 15-Jan-14 13:43:56

squoosh I do but I don't like having to do it. Luckily dp is very vocal and makes a point of double checking things and stressing that it's perfectly reasonable for me to do so.

A few times I've been made to feel like I'm really putting people out. My ex was awful about the whole thing - if I made a fuss I was being difficult, if I had a reaction I was being difficult and it was my fault for not stressing the point. I've also had comments made along the lines of 'you're worse than a vegetarian', 'you're not allergic, you just don't want to get fat from eating cakes' etc etc.

squoosh Wed 15-Jan-14 13:42:24

Fine if someone likes chicken nuggets and chips, but saying 'ewwww yucky' to all fruit and vegetables and disliking anything that isn't chicken nuggets and chips is absolutely ridiculous in an adult!

Not rude, factual.

justgirl Wed 15-Jan-14 13:38:56

How is it anybody's business to be able to say it's pathetic and childish if an adults favourite meal is chicken nuggets and chips? How rude! So what if it bloody well is?!

volestair Wed 15-Jan-14 13:35:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hopskipandthump Wed 15-Jan-14 13:27:24

I think I could cope with fussiness (to some extent) as long as it wasn't accompanied with rudeness.

I do nearly all the cooking at home. My DH is a fussier eater than me, though not majorly fussy. If it's a meal he doesn't really like, he'll still be perfectly polite about it - occasionally he'll leave something, or have a small portion.

We are both really strict with the kids about that too - it's okay for them to leave stuff, but no shouting 'Yuk' or wailing 'Dooooonnnn't liiiiiiike iiiiiiiit' or similar. It's just rude.

squoosh Wed 15-Jan-14 13:23:20

enormouse if you have allergies so severe that you need to carry an epi pen you should absolutely make a 'fuss', although in your case it isn't a fuss at all, it's ensuring you stay alive.

enormouse Wed 15-Jan-14 13:18:31

peppin I identify with your DH. I have an egg and nut allergy and carry an epi pen. I hate making a fuss about it as I don't like putting people out or seeming like I'm being difficult about not eating something.

NotNewButNameChanged Wed 15-Jan-14 13:09:23

Meant to say my father hates cheese. I'll eat it cold and love it but not cooked at all, but he won't go near cheese full stop. He has always hated it.

When he was young, his parents realised it wasn't just a bit of dislike, he seriously had a problem with it. Whether now he'd be checked for some allergy or something, who knows. Anyway, at his primary school, they were often served cheese, which he would leave. Unfortunately it was a rather old-fashioned school and they would make him eat it. At which he would be sick. The school continued with this lovely policy and every time, he would be sick.

Understandably, his made it even worse for my dad. And one day he just couldn't bear to be sick again. So he bit the end off his own tongue so they couldn't make him.

WorrySighWorrySigh Wed 15-Jan-14 12:48:00

I'm another who doesnt like certain things. A lot of it is to do with texture. Not keen on wet savoury food of any sort and will actively avoid soups, stews, casseroles.

DM used to serve these always regularly because that was what DF liked.

Now I am an adult I can choose not to eat them. DH does the cooking and knows this. I would think he was being pretty unpleasant if he insisted that I ate them.

Of course I never look at what he is cooking and say yuk but being grownups we discuss meals and agree on things we will both like.

squoosh Wed 15-Jan-14 12:13:37

YANBU OP, the kind of fussiness that your husband display would drive me to absolute bloody distraction.

Everyone has a few foods they really don't like, that's perfectly fine, but for an adult to refuse all fruit and veg and for their favourite meal to be chicken nuggets and chips is pathetic. What a baby.

Fussy eater, Celine Dion fan, lives with his Mum - all good reasons for me to ditch someone after the first date.

Andro Wed 15-Jan-14 11:55:08

Fussyness = fussiness

Andro Wed 15-Jan-14 11:52:35

My DH has genuine allergies which require an epipen, and even he is reluctant to mention his dietary requirements and not just eat what's in front of him. In fact, he has eaten meals before that have then made him ill, just so as not to offend the person who made them. Now that is stupid, I agree. But the reason he feels embarrassed to make a fuss is because he doesn't want to be lumped in with all the hordes of annoying fussy people with 'mild intolerances' or 'sensitive palates'.

I feel for your DH! I have a severe allergy and although I know I have a very real medical reason to make a 'fuss', it can still be horrifically embarrassing when I have to check that the meal I'd like is allergen free.

Most people are far more understanding of a serious allergy than 'fussyness' and acknowledge the difference, but there are a few who assume that saying 'I have an allergy' means you're trying to be trendy/cool/whatever.

LittleBearPad Wed 15-Jan-14 11:50:42

I think there's a difference between fussiness and not liking raw tomatoes or mushrooms, neither of which dh likes or mackerel (I can't face it) and being generally fussy.

Noble if you came to my house I wouldn't use tomatoes. It isn't difficult to make dishes without them. But wider fussiness as in all vegetables is rather wearing and being 40 odd and only eating nuggets and chips for example is childish and people with fussiness this extreme should try to widen their eating range a little, if only for health reasons. Surviving on proceeded chicken and chips isn't great for anyone.

Your husband is a grown man and can eat what he likes.

It is not your job to prepare food for him, so either do it with grace or (as is your right) don't do it.


DH wS fussy (no veg, no gish, no cheese to name a few), but he has come around to most of them. He has slways been grateful if I cooked for him, even if it was not on his ok list, and gradually got used to my way of eating. He fors not eat mussels or carrots, but everyone is allowed a few dislikes.

DS was fussy from the start (powder milk refuser, went from boob to cow's milk at 1). But I don't pander to it. i am sympathetic and tell him I know it is not his favourite, but he should at least try a bit, and never be rude about it. It has taken years and years , never any pressure, but always asking bim to try a tiny bit. He now eats most things, so gentle perseverance works well, IMO, with afults AND kids.

You can still cook veg OP, and if uour H doesn't eat it, so what. You do not have to adapt your diet to his! If he wants something else, he can buy and cook it himself.

It is not fussy eating I mind, it is a rude ungrateful attitude that would offend me!

peppinagiro Wed 15-Jan-14 11:23:08

Fussy eaters are a right royal PITA. My DH has genuine allergies which require an epipen, and even he is reluctant to mention his dietary requirements and not just eat what's in front of him. In fact, he has eaten meals before that have then made him ill, just so as not to offend the person who made them. Now that is stupid, I agree. But the reason he feels embarrassed to make a fuss is because he doesn't want to be lumped in with all the hordes of annoying fussy people with 'mild intolerances' or 'sensitive palates'.

If he can sodding well choke down something that will then turn his lips blue and make him vomit all night, overgrown adult children can damn well eat some vegetables. And stop whining about it.

Unfortunately, I seem to attract fussy eaters like unpleasant moths to a flame. I make a new friend, think they're lovely, invite them round for dinner and BAM. Lengthy email with long list of exclusions. FFS! I'm not sure how it keeps happening.

Biedronka Wed 15-Jan-14 11:18:31

I think of myself as fussy but after reading I don't think I'm that bad.
I won't eat mince, offal, beef, lamb under any circumstance - I don't like them. I'm not a natural carnivore and only eat meat as I know I should for protein.
Eggs - I'll eat them but never soft/hard boiled or fried with a runny yolk. Nothing and no one could force me I'd vomit.

I love all fruit and veg though, with the exception of mushy peas.

My own DC's were not really fussy as children, they each don't like a few different vegetables/fruits. 2 like cheese 1 doesn't really - that kind of thing.

My Dp will literally eat anything, the only thing he has an aversion is butter and that's because of his mum spreading it thick on sandwiches when he was young.

I feel for all those who have to cook different meals at mealtimes it must be a huge pita.

Nanny0gg Wed 15-Jan-14 11:00:42

agree with the 'not liking lots of foods' comment re being fussy. Blah blah children in the third world would eat pigs toenails or whatever. That doesn't mean that I should eat tomatoes. I don't like them, the texture is horrible and they don't taste nice. I don't like a lot of other foods. People seem to think that I should eat them just so as not to be 'fussy'. Fuck off, I'm an adult and can control what I eat. I had enough miserable time as a child choking down stuff I didn't like just because I was told I should. It didn't change the fact that I didn't like it, it just made me unhappy and anxious around food.

This ^^

If I were to be forced to eat a food I dislike (cauliflower for example) I would heave. Continue to force me and I would be sick. I am sure that if this were done enough, to the exclusion of any other food, eventually I would eat it and hopefully keep it down.
Why on earth would I do that? Like the above poster, many mealtimes as a child consisted of me being made to sit there crying and gagging until I finished.
Food shouldn't be a punishment.

However, there are many polite ways of evading the foods you dislike/cannot tolerate. There is no need to be rude or extra difficult about it.

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