using a fan at the theater, was I being unreasonable?

(121 Posts)
carlajean Mon 13-Jan-14 22:53:28

We were at the theater tonight and a woman two rows in front had a fan that she was using most of the way through the second half. It was a tense drama, but having a white fan constantly flicking backwards and forwards really put me off. Was I unreasonable to approach her afterwards and tell her (calmly) how annoying it was? She looked at me as though I was mad, and now I feel an idiot AND irritated.

carlajean Tue 14-Jan-14 21:03:38

Well, thanks for the warning, but I went through the menapause several years ago. And, if you think I berated her you haven't been reading what I wrote, just jumping to your own conclusions.

Devonsmile Tue 14-Jan-14 21:17:31

well I look at it as I'm getting it out the way,

anyway while I was going throughout chemo (and flushes) I did chat to a lot of women in the same boat, I'm really surprised that people are not aware lots of women go through this in their twenties, thirties and forties,

I'm sure I would of died of hipothermia by now if I was single, in my sleep(deranged thrashing about) I throw open the window, take off anything I'm wearing, throw off duvet (or sheet(you only want a sheet) and switch on the fan,

my husband often wakes to find me totally freezing, but asleep, I refuse to take any covers, as in my half wake state I'm terrified it will start again,

it's wretched when you are in your own space, and can strip naked and jump in the shower,

I held a mini ice pack clutched to my chest wrapped in a silk scarf all the way through the children's end of term concert, and contemplated making a jacket with secret pockets which I could fill with ice packs,

the thing with flushes is you have an equal and opposite reaction,

So one minute you wonder if you are actually on fire and have blanked out what you are protesting about and you will do anything to make it stop, then after you go so extremely cold it is like you just swam from Kirkcaldy to North Berwick in mid winter, you can't function.

It's a bit like having extreme flu over and over again.

Having a bath is dangerous, you either sit in one so cold, you go blue, anything warm will set off a flush,

anyway if you are lucky you will live long enough to find out for yourself.

I don't recommend the accelerate experience, the blockers make sure that no hormone slip through so I didn't ease into it, instant shock for my body.

Devonsmile Tue 14-Jan-14 21:21:33

sorry cross post there carlajean I was replying to hoobypickypicky

and there is no way you have been through the menopause, or you would of got why she was fanning, so , just no.

never mind you were doing well.

Caitlin17 Tue 14-Jan-14 21:26:48

Devon not every one gets hot flushes. I had no symptoms at all apart from periods stopping.

hoobypickypicky Tue 14-Jan-14 21:27:07

You forgot to add, Devonsmiles, that horrible state where you wake up to find that even the calves of your legs are sweating, and the broken sleep night after night, week after week, month after month, year after year.

I still genuinely can't think of any other reason why a woman would be fanning herself on a January evening.

hoobypickypicky Tue 14-Jan-14 21:30:09

Caitlin17, are you referring to normal age-range onset menopause or early and/or surgical menopause? The effects of the latter two are generally far more extreme than the effects of the former.

Caitlin17 Tue 14-Jan-14 21:35:49

I was around 46/47. Is that early?

hoobypickypicky Tue 14-Jan-14 21:41:14

Not to my knowledge, Caitlin17. That would come into the category of normal menopause which is entered into gradually, a lot different, AFAIK, to being hurled into it literally overnight as a result of surgery as a young/younger woman.

Caitlin17 Tue 14-Jan-14 22:27:06

It's not relevant,just that some one said OP couldn't have gone through the menopause without having hot flushes but not every one does. I didn't.

JessieMcJessie Wed 15-Jan-14 07:19:20

carlajean your response to my opinion that YWBU becuase you didn't raise it with her till the performance was over:

"But, as i've said twice already, she did it in the second half and i was two rows behind her, so i couldn't say anything at the time. I don't mind be ing told iwbu though, that's why i posted."

What I meant was, why say anything at all then? The performance was over, so irritation also over. What were you hoping to achieve by telling her? She was never going to irritate you personally again. You're not her Mum, responsible for educating her in what is and is not acceptable behaviour. As many have said, the risk is that she had an unpleasant health condition and you made her feel guilty and ashamed of that and soured her experience of the theatre.

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Fleta Wed 15-Jan-14 14:22:45

Surely it depends how she was using the fan. Discreetly at chest level so the cool air fans up into her face would be ok.

Huge over the top fanning movements around her face wouldn't. I can totally see how that would be distracting.

I go to the theatre regularly and would be distracted by the latter.

I was once working at a performance where someone fainted due to heat. They had thermal vest, shirt, jumper, fleece and coat and scarf on. When asked why they hadn't removed them when they started feeling ill they replied saying they weren't prepared to risk their property being stolen.

101handbags Wed 15-Jan-14 14:25:28

Better not go to the Proms on a boiling hot summer night... the Albert Hall gets sweltering and every second person is fanning themselves...

Elsiequadrille Wed 15-Jan-14 14:29:34

I don't know. I sympathise, as it can get very hot in the theatre. But can also imagine just how irritating it might be, and pity the people sitting next to her.

I don't think you were being entirely unreasonable to approach her actually.

NotNewButNameChanged Wed 15-Jan-14 14:32:40

You're right 101handbags. Especially the last night. All that flag waving and balloons being thrown around would really distract from watching the orchestra and singers.

Fleta Wed 15-Jan-14 14:37:01

But LNOTP would be a different thing to serious drama wouldn't it - you'd have different expectations.

MissMilbanke Wed 15-Jan-14 14:37:52

This would have irritated me massively too.

Theatres are always hot - but I know this and always dress in something lightweight.

I wouldn't have been as brave as you and probably wouldn't have said anything but inwardly I would fume.

Mind you I am in the camp where I scowl at anybody eating popcorn in the cinema.

NotNewButNameChanged Wed 15-Jan-14 14:38:04

Fleta I was being sarcastic. I apologise.

Elsiequadrille Wed 15-Jan-14 14:38:55

Fan waving at proms wouldn't be so noticeable or distracting, especially last night, as others have said.

Fleta Wed 15-Jan-14 14:43:32

Sorry NotNew - completely missed the tone there. Oops!

I think the general rule is you try and be considerate don't you. You know you get hot in places then you dress to be as comfortable as possible, have an aisle seat so you can leave if necessary etc.

The absolute worst I have ever sat through was two ladies who - at every small bit of action - repeated "did you SEE what he did", "what did she say" "why are they doing that".

Awful

BackforGood Wed 15-Jan-14 20:22:15

Just another complication - I've got theatre tickets for March, April May and July this year.
They were all bought in September last year.
At that point, I wasn't having hot flushes.
All this 'dont' go' or 'book an aisle seat' suggests that you knew you were going to be going through a phase when you booked. (Obv not referring to the people who say dress appropriately)
That said, my answer would be the theatre should adjust the temperature to a reasonable level. Theatres vary, but I have been in some that they've just got the thermostat turned up too high. Of course you won't know this when deciding what to wear - I've been in them where they've got the air conditioning too high too grin

I still say if she was fanning subtly in front of her chest then you must have very high levels of distraction to be bothered by someone doing that. If it was an enormous foot long feather thing, or it was luminous or sparkly then you had a point wink

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