To stop breast feeding. DD 20 months, doesn't want me to stop

[hooochycoo]

DD is my second baby. I've fed her up till now ( 20 months). My DS self weaned at 16 months. I don't enjoy feeding a toddler. She bites and pinches regardless of how I handle it. I also don't enjoy the way she demands being fed, and gets obsessed with my boobs, won't just sit on my knee or have a cuddle or read a book without whining and trying to feed.
I've recently had to go away for five days. She hasn't fed the whole time I've been away obviously. I've been back a day and managed not to feed her. But she's heartbroken. Saying milk milk, crying, trying to undress me. I don't want to feed her anymore, I don't want to be feeding a two year old. But equally I feel so sad. She's my baby, my last baby. She wants me. I have milk for her. Feels weird. I feel sooo guilty.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

If you're ready to stop, then no you're not being unreasonable. Your DD doesn't need the milk now and will adjust if you persevere.

[lilyaldrin]

Breastfeeding is a relationship between two people, and if one person doesn't want to do it anymore then it isn't going to work.

Don't feel guilty, you've done a brilliant thing for your DD and given her the best possible start in life. You should be proud of yourself!

[Crowler]

You've come much further than most. It's bringing you down. Let it go if that's what you want - it will be sad whenever it transpires.

[HearMyRoar]

You are not unreasonableunreasonable at all to stop if you are not enjoying it anymore.

I stopped bfing at 18 months as like you I just didn't enjoy it anymore which was making it stressful for us both. In the end I just told dd there wasn't any milk left and once she got the concept she was surprisingly ok about it.

She is still annoyingly obsessed with my boobs though even 4 months later. She always wants to get her hand down my top, drives me mad.

[wonderstuff]

YANBU, you have to both want it.
Can you make a thing of her being too grown up, get her a nice new cup for big girl drinks?

[hooochycoo]

I feel so sad . I've loved breast feeding

[WaffilyVersatile]

the only reason to be doing it at this point in my opinion would be the comfort and if its not comforting (for you) then its right to stop. You have given her a great start - if you want to then express and give her a beaker.

She really isn't heartbroken!

[WaffilyVersatile]

Its actually lovely to hear about such a positive experience Hooochycoo. Have you considered contacting your health visitor about how you could offer support to other breast feeding mums? it might ease things for you if you could help others get started?

[CarriesPawnShop]

I had a really bad time trying to convince DS to give up - I went to the baby cafe in the end and tried to come up with a plan with a breastfeeding counsellor - felt so oddssurrounded by newborns struggling to feed and me demanding to stop but they were great, very supportive. Have you access to a BFC?

However - it didn't work, only a week of vomiting and having a goldfish memory worked.

Good luck. Will she take expressed milk or is it not about that?

[hooochycoo]

It's not about that. She drinks cows milk in a cup and in a bottle. She eats like a horse.

[Womnaleplus]

Eh, personally I would carry on, but that's why I'm feeding a 3.2yo. Do what works for you.

[SaucyJack]

Don't feel guilty dude.

20 months is a damn good innings. It's OK to want your boobies back.

[LongTailedTit]

Sounds like time to stop, my DS did similar in that his latch got worse and worse and he only seemed to see me as a lap with boobs. I felt like only 1/10 feeds were pleasant, the rest were awkward, painful, or just annoying.
We reduced feeds slowly, so stopped daytime feeds first, then dropped the bedtime feed, so had only been having morning feeds for months.
We stopped at 2yo while on a trip to the grandparents, the distraction helped him deal with it.

It's nice to finally have a genuine hug without getting groped...

[Iwannalaylikethisforever]

You've done brilliantly, don't feel guilty. Tell yourself well done.
Try to be consistent though so she doesn't get confused.
I would just say all the milk had gone if I didn't want to feed anymore or say such and such time will be the last time.
It will be upsetting whenever you stop by the sounds of it.

[hooochycoo]

oh but the sweet sleepiness of lying half asleep with her
of being able to silence her crying instantly
of the feeling when she just assimilates into me when she's on my lap

[fidgetsnowfly]

It's up to you, but you don't sound like you want to stop. My dd at that age, is fully able to understand "no milk now, you can have a cuddle, here's a snack if you're hungry and we'll have milk at bedtime" - and quickly got used to milk being for morning and evening. It's not all or nothing, you can cut down without stopping. And if she pinches, bites, etc, take her off the boob and tell her "no milk unless you're gentle".

Everyone's different, but that's my approach.

[Aberchips]

I think you do sound like you want to stop "I don't enjoy feeding a toddler".

I think that it's fine, it's your body and if you don't want to do it any more then it's ok to stop. You are not harming her as long as you explain it in a way she can understand & as another poster suggested maybe make an extra fuss of her for the next few days. She'll soon forget & move on.

[CrispyFB]

I breastfeed mine until they stop (DC2 was nearly five , DC3 is nearly three and still once every few days) and I know exactly what you mean.

It's about "nursing manners". If they still did it without fiddling with the other one (argh) or pulling your top down at inopportune moments, and yes, as you say it would be nice to cuddle them without them being all about the breast. It's like "hello, I'm here?!!" I often envy DH because he gets the attention without the scrabbling about breast obsession.

I admit I persevered because the good times outweighed the bad and DC2 especially did NOT want to stop (honestly thought she never would - going to school seemed to sort it though!) but I'd never judge anyone for stopping because it's bloody irritating at times!

Some useful information and further links here if you haven't already read it: kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/nursing-manners-2/

[SquinkiesRule]

Ds 2 made it to his 2nd birthday, I was ready to stop then anyway. I told him he's getting to old now and would he rather do something else at bedtime. He chose singing songs so there it all ended in one day.
Older son wasn't so easy. I remember not sitting down when he was near or he'd dive on top of me to nurse, so with him it was all distraction and never offering and staying on my feet.
You've done great to go so long, well done.

[pianodoodle]

I stopped feeding DD after 18 months but after a gradual process where - cut out certain nurses until the only one left was the one before bed.

I suppose if she's used to feeding a lot still you could try only one or two a day at specific times?

That's only a suggestion though if you do really feel you've had enough you're well within your rights and I'm sure she'll get over it :)

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Gah, are you me? DS is 20 months and still feeding, especially at night (we cosleep) but I would love to stop. My elder 3 all self-weaned around 12 months so this is completely new territory for me and I'm not enjoying it all that much. He just has these big sad brown eyes that look at me with hurt and rejection if I say no.

Sorry, OP. I have no advice for you but you are not alone!

[Sneezecakesmum]

One the one hand you don't like the reality of the pinching and the whining and on the other are waxing lyrical about the joys of bfing.

You need to make up your mind and stick to what is best for you all. No good giving in and in a weeks time getting resentful again. You can't give DD mixed messages and it's just for comfort now so look at other ways to comfort her which is less uncomfortable and inconvenient for you.

[Thetallesttower]

Sounds like you both want to stop and don't want to stop! It is possible to feel two things at once. However, I do think you have to make a decision now if you want to stop as carrying on but getting resentful is probably going to make your dd clingy and worse about it as she feels you pulling it away.

If you have given it a good innings but want to move on, then let her know that, and she will accept it in time. If you are happy to go on for as long as she wants, then carry on.

[BaronessBomburst]

Compromise? Only at bedtime and first thing in the morning, or whatever suits you. She might accept it more easily if you explain that she can feed later but not now, and then start leaving you alone in the day.