Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

To be totally hacked off with the bride and groom?

(225 Posts)
Sarah2506 Mon 13-Jan-14 19:49:11

So we are meant to be off to a wedding in Scotland next month. Quite an undertaking as we live in London and have seven month DD, but they are good friends so we booked flights, a non refundable hotel and arranged to drop DD with MIL for the whole weekend as it's a child free wedding. Fine. Actually looking forward to it as first weekend away, yay!

Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'.

Is this reasonable? We've paid out 500 quid in flights and hotel which we won't get back. Travel insurance doesn't cover it as it counts as disinclination to travel. The flights can't be changed- or rather they can but it costs as much as buying new ones! I'm on maternity leave, I'm not being paid, I've no desire to travel to Scotland for the weekend anyway and we won't be able to pay out for the rearranged wedding as well. I feel really sad that we might now not be able to go.

AIBU?

volvocowgirl Mon 03-Feb-14 03:59:40

How did the hen do go, OP?

Just because you are the only one who has mentioned losing out because of the change of date, I bet you anything that you aren't. She probably hasn't spoken to most people about it or maybe the ones she has spoken to can afford to take the hit and just fork out again in the autumn so haven't mentioned it. If most of them aren't travelling that far I doubt there is much planning or cost involved anyway.

I agree it is weird that she should be having a go at you for forward planning (is booking flights and a hotel several hundred miles from home that hard to understand anyway?) when she has just had to admit to the world (or her guests at any rate) that bad planning has meant that she can't afford to have her wedding on the date she originally booked it. If she had thought ahead, she probably would have realised months ago that it wasn't going to happen or would have had the time to find the money to make sure that it did.

She sounds a little like she needs to grow up. Flying by the seat of your pants and hoping for the best might be OK when you are a young adult and have no responsibilities but it is a bit lame when you are getting to the age where you are supposed to be old enough to settle down and get married.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 15-Jan-14 20:20:45

I'd be in 2 minds about going to the hen night, but if I did go it would be my mission to get the bride a little tiddly and find out the truth!

Whatever you do OP, I'd love you to get the glasses that I linked to above with the original wedding date on and give them to the happy couple if the wedding does go ahead! Actually, I'll buy them myself and send them anonymously if you like!!!!

MrsBethel Wed 15-Jan-14 16:21:50

I think you've got to be philosophical about these things. It's a shame, £500 down the shi**er, but look on the bright side: rather than going to a wedding (which is always 80% obligation to 20% joy, anyway, and not much fun for little ones), you now have the perfect excuse to do what you want instead, including maybe having a random little weekend away yourselves if you want, or not if you don't (I follow Hardeep on twitter, and he's always on about the food in Glasgow).

Just go with it.

It's her fuck up. She probably doesn't see it that way, but who cares? Are they in their 'Before Kids' phase? I didn't plan much either back then. Life was lived on the hoof. It's a bit different when the little ones join the party!

I'd still go on the hen. Enjoy it. Be nice. If she's a little funny about you not shelling out £500 twice, that's up to her. She's entitled to feel how she wants - and I don't see why you should let that bother you.

Ay.

If she had been forward planning, she would not be in a position where she could not afford her wedding, so odd to have a go at you for having an ability that she lacks!

captainmummy Wed 15-Jan-14 16:00:57

How wierd - she has a go at you about 'forward planning' but presumably she has planned sufficiently forward for her wedding date next month - and now for the one in Autumn? And has booked or otherwise considered how she will get from Bromley to scotland for it? Is she really going to rely on train ticktts being available the weekend before? Or there bing no delays or cancellations? And anyway, train and plane tickets are cheaper the further ahead you book...

Def go to scotland for a dirty weekend - or add your dc to the plane tickets; IIRC a baby will sit on your lap and is not usually charged for anyway. hotels will usually add a cot for no extra charge.

And be 'ill' on the Hen night.

PrimalLass Wed 15-Jan-14 15:42:46

Glasgow kicks Edinburgh's butt grin

FluffyJumper Wed 15-Jan-14 15:37:58

I know everyone is saying that Glasgow is amazing - but really OP I think if you go expecting it to be wonderful you might well be disappointed!

If you expect Glasgow to be as shit as you'd first thought then it is likely to be pretty good.

Edinburgh is nice and it's easy to get to by train.

meganorks Wed 15-Jan-14 15:25:05

Maybe their way of affording the wedding is to piss off all the guests so hardly any go so they don't have to pay for so many!

SamG76 Wed 15-Jan-14 15:20:51

In my experience, postponement is rarely to do with cash, and always to do with relationship. I've never known a postponed wedding actually to take place....

FairPhyllis Wed 15-Jan-14 14:27:35

Woah! There is no way you will be the only people losing out financially. I will eat my hat if that is not a big fat lie head-in-sand moment.

I would pull out of the hen.

FaintlyHopeful Wed 15-Jan-14 14:15:41

I second Finnieston- Byres road used to be really artsy but has been overrun by girls with mermaid hair & stripper shoes. The kelvingrove cafe does lovely cocktails and and has a lovely twinkly atmosphere.

The Blytheswood hotel is lovely for a dinner or drink. It is really opulent but has a really mixed crowd- suits and art students. If you want to see Glasgow in all its versace'd glory, try the Corinthian. Really, really beautiful inside but with just an edge of vulgarity. I love it to people watch.

I'd be so torn about the hen do. One the one hand it could be very tense because everyone will be wondering WTF is going on and will probably have made arrangements for the wedding day, which will now need to be changed. On the other hand the bride will likely get scuttered and tell you all that she shagged the best man, the groom wants to cancel the wedding but she's working on him.

fledtoscotland Wed 15-Jan-14 14:01:24

Come to Glasgow - it's an amazing city!

Was it by any chance at Cameron House? I really can't see them rescheduling it without cost.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Wed 15-Jan-14 13:20:43

diddl - usually it is about 3 months before the wedding that the invitations go out but of course save the date cards can go out whenever.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Wed 15-Jan-14 13:12:15

I would definitely NOT be going on the hen do. She is critical of your choices yet her choices mean she can't afford her fancy pants wedding.

I would cancel the night before and not even give a reason.

"difficult decision" in this case = want sympathy imho.

vitaminC Wed 15-Jan-14 10:14:31

How ironic her criticising you for your forward planning when if she'd actually planned ahead herself she might not have booked a wedding she then discovered she couldn't afford to pay for!!!

LIZS Wed 15-Jan-14 09:43:14

Well it depends on the hen do but I appreciate what you are saying about it being relatively cheap . However wouldn't you have more respect for some claiming money issues if they decided to scale it down or not go ahead with it?

DontmindifIdo Wed 15-Jan-14 09:29:23

Lizs - hen dos are often very cheap in comparasion - mine was under £100, whereas our wedding was £20k in total, cancelling the hen do would be a drop in the ocean if we'd not saved enough to cover the wedding!

The bride sounds a bit dim.

Go to Glasgow for a child free weekend & miss the wedding. Bromley an erm interesting place for a hen-do!

ZillionChocolate Wed 15-Jan-14 09:14:41

I think people might well book earlier than the official invitations if they receive a save the date.

LIZS Wed 15-Jan-14 08:22:36

and if it genuinely were money troubles wouldn't the hen/stag do's be the first things to cut back on ?

diddl Wed 15-Jan-14 08:22:04

I thought that invitations usually went out six weeks before & it wouldn't be odd to book asap on receiving them, would it?

So quite why bride thinks it's odd that OP would have already booked is beyond me.

DrNick Wed 15-Jan-14 08:20:50

Oh it's next month. Sorry

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now