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To have not put make up on dd?

(293 Posts)
selfdestructivelady Mon 13-Jan-14 10:11:02

We went to a children's birthday party Saturday. All the little girls had make up on and all the parents were saying how pretty each other's dds make up looked. Dd is 4 yo the others were aged 4-5 they had nail polish eyeshadow and lip gloss on.

pictish Mon 13-Jan-14 10:55:22

This can be a contentious issue on MN.

My dd loves to have a little make up on. I do allow it, but rarely.
She sees me putting mine on in the mornings and I think she just considers it something that mummy does, and wants to role play at being a grown up lady like me.
She loves a bit of sparkly nail varnish too.
I see no harm in it, and quite a few of my friends (just ordinary mums like me - not fashion divas) are the same. We all view it as harmless dress up fun.

Dd has her own set of children's nail varnishes (peel off stuff) and eyeshadows (very faint and wipes off with water), and she loves having a smudge on for a party...just the same as she enjoys getting her party dress on.

However, on MN I fear being dragged through the ringer as a dumb-ass who encourages the early sexualisation of my daughter. Some folks on here would react as though I've got her in thigh boots and a thong, mounting a pole.

Seeline Mon 13-Jan-14 10:57:47

Personally I am amazed that everyone considers this to be the norm. My DD is approaching 10. Most will wear nail varnish for a party, but only in the last couple pf years. One or two wore makeup for the last school disco (a tiny bit of eye shadow and clear lip gloss), but none wear makeup for 'ordinary ' parties yet. These were 4-5 yo!!

WilsonFrickett Mon 13-Jan-14 11:02:16

I tell you what, while I do have strong feelings about little girls wearing make up I realise that it isn't up to me, each to their own, etc etc etc. And usually manage to avoid threads about it/keep my ranting to myself/not have an actual coronary on the internet.

But a bunch of women painting the faces of 4 yo's then telling all the face-painted 4 yos how pretty they were while completely excluding the only child who was not made up from this has made my blood properly boil.

MrsOakenshield Mon 13-Jan-14 11:05:28

yeuch to the wearing make up and yeuch to the comments of the mothers. DD (4) is allowed nail varnish (lilacy) on her toes in the summer but has been told (and has accepted) that fingernail varnish, and red nail varnish, are for grown ups, regardless of what her friends' parents allow them to do.

formerbabe Mon 13-Jan-14 11:42:21

My son is 5 and I have never seen the girls at the parties he attends wear make up...that is really weird!

ChippingInWadesIn Mon 13-Jan-14 11:44:06

pictish grin

selfdestruct - I'm sorry you seem to be stuck with some hard of thinking parents sad I wouldn't put nail polish on her if you don't think she will like it, just to get approving comments by the other stupid parents. If they were commenting on all the children they should have said something to DD - it's not difficult is it. Idiots.

I know you want her to fit it though, did the other children notice/care/say anything?

selfdestructivelady Mon 13-Jan-14 12:09:45

No the children didn't notice.

MeepMeepVrooooom Mon 13-Jan-14 12:11:47

I 100% would not have make up on my DD at that age. YANBU it's up to you what you do.

DigestivesAndPhiladelphia Mon 13-Jan-14 12:26:11

Seeline - I am glad that you are also shocked! I was just staring at my phone in amazement. I find it hard to believe that 5 year olds wearing "a little make up" to a party is seen as anywhere near normal.

Surely it is just completely bizarre? confused

If the kids were happy and it was a party, who cares? Sounds like it's fun for them because it's a novelty.

I sometimes use my Naked 2 palette to transform my daughter into a cat. She loves it.

MrsOakenshield Mon 13-Jan-14 12:35:27

there is a difference between using make up to do animal faces, and using make up in the adult sense, to 'improve' or alter the way you look - the latter is not something I want to teach my 4-year-old!

Back2Basics Mon 13-Jan-14 12:50:19

Really you allow lilac varnish but not red hmm LOL

My dd (8) is a tomboy mostly, she does like makeup but only to paint her face as a clown [facepalms], she does like nail varnish, more putting it on others then having it on herself. She painted my toes red last night grin

I wouldn't really notice other little girls nails and if I did wouldn't even give it a second thought. Little girls and boys like dressing up, make up is just another form of that.

Mothers OTOH tarting up their dc in grownup makeup IE liquid eyeliner and faketans is quite sad IMO. I feel its more then dressing up its their mothers issues and I feel would cause issues for the dds later in life.

KellyElly Mon 13-Jan-14 12:52:57

there is a difference between using make up to do animal faces, and using make up in the adult sense, to 'improve' or alter the way you look - the latter is not something I want to teach my 4-year-old! But that's not really why four year olds want to wear make up it? They want sparkly, glittery 'play' make up. They don't ask for foundation, mascara, blusher etc. So although they are having it applied on the areas adults would (lip gloss, sparkly eye shadow and nail varnish) it has nothing to do with trying to look sexy/less knackered/younger or any other reason an adult may wear it. It's just play and little girls have wanted to do this since the dawn of time. It's not exactly a new concept.

mostlyharmless Mon 13-Jan-14 13:06:59

The thing I notice about this kind of thing, is that plenty of posters state proudly that their ds likes having his nails painted, and I think yes, I would probably allow my (non-existant) ds to paint his nails, and feel like I was pushing against gender roles.

But, given that my (non-existant) ds would want his nails painted because they were colourful and sparkly, not because he has any interest in fighting the feminist cause, it seems unfair to forbid my (actual) dd from having painted nails. IYSWIM.

But then, it's only happened once, and dd doesn't really see me wearing make-up or nail varnish. I'd have problems if she wanted a full face of make-up.

I think it IS the same thing. They want to be transformed, they want to admire their new faces in the mirror, then they forget and run off and do something else. It's all a game to them at that age.

pictish Mon 13-Jan-14 13:14:58

I think it's the same thing too.
My dd also likes dressing up as a fairy, a vet, a dog, a cat and other personas as well as emulating me.
There's nothing bizarre about it whatsoever.

MrsOakenshield Mon 13-Jan-14 14:37:25

well, I shall have to disagree smile. And yes, I don't like red nail varnish on little children, or fingernail varnish in general. Which is fine, as I'm her mother.

KellyElly Mon 13-Jan-14 15:29:13

And yes, I don't like red nail varnish on little children Me neither. DD has the peel off stuff that usually is all but gone by the end of the day and is so pale you can just see a bit of sparkle. Red nail varnish does look very strange on little girls.

Weelady77 Mon 13-Jan-14 15:49:01

I think a little bit is fine for party's, there's a little girls at my dd dancing and she wears a full face of make up I kid you not eye liner the lot and she's 7!!

MadeOfStarDust Mon 13-Jan-14 16:00:07

mine were allowed make up - whenever they wanted from about 5 - but they had to put it on themselves - nail varnish was done by me -I value my carpets too much.... it was all just fun for parties, or messing about with their friends etc

now they are 11 and 13 and whilst their friends are going through the full slap stage, they are subtle and stick to eyeshadow, lipgloss and nails... weekends only - school is very strict.

mrsjay Mon 13-Jan-14 16:02:19

you dont have to put any make up on your daughter at all, some girls like a bit of lip gloss and sparkle i am assuming that is what it was dont worry about it you donthonestly need to anything for your daughter to be like the other girls

MrsOakenshield Mon 13-Jan-14 16:07:48

I don't see how those 2 things relate - we didn't play with make up as little 'uns, but we equally didn't wear 'eyeshadow, lipgloss and nails' at the weekend or any other time when we were 11 and 13 - school and my mum were strict. I was quite gothy so started wearing lots of black eye makeup when I was around 16/17, but never did the full slap thing.

There seems to be a view on MN that if a parent is strict about something (TV, treats, make up, whatever) that the end result has to be an older child who then gorges on that thing.

shoofly Mon 13-Jan-14 16:11:23

I'm quite shocked by this tbh. I have 2 boys but have never noticed makeup on 4-5 year olds. I have more friends with girls than boys and this year was the first time I've noticed it. DS1 was 8 just after Christmas and his friend who turned 8 on the same day came to our house for his party after her own girlie pamper party. The girls had minimal makeup and looked lovely (as they usually do) but I thought how grownup they looked compared to DS and the other boys. Quite glad now I have boys and this one will pass me by. Although DS2 loves a squirt of perfume when he sees me putting it on grin

Back2Basics Mon 13-Jan-14 16:15:10

Well I always had makeup to play with, first the peel off varnish and en the bright blue eyeshadow and red/pink lips. God looking back I must of looked a state but my dm just let me get on with it if me and my cousins were playing.

I remember being in the first year of secondary school before the christmas disco and my mum did my eyeshadow and mascara like hers.

What I am trying to say is play makeup and then teenage makeup are to different things to most.

pictish Mon 13-Jan-14 16:34:55

I did too. I had a little Tinkerbell make up set, and I loved it. I was about 4/5 when I had it.

So far I have escaped turning into a simpering, looks obsessed, frilly headed idiot. grin

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