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to think the loss of my mum at 85 was tragic

(133 Posts)
highho1 Sun 12-Jan-14 23:22:56

Sorry this is a bit of a thread about a thread but it has got to me.
My mum died following a fall at 85. She may have only has a few more years left if she hadn't had the fall.
But at least than she would have possibly met her final grandchild. (My 3rd dd)
Aibu to think the loss of a older person can still be tragic.

highho1 Tue 14-Jan-14 17:49:16

Sorry not been on for a few days. Not had a chance to read responses but thank you and sorry to others experiencing the loss of a loved one. X

highho1 Wed 15-Jan-14 12:11:03

It is weird. I lost my dad several years earlier at aged 70. He was ill for a long time and quite frankly had had enough of life. So in the scheme of things his loss should have been more tragic as he never saw me get married or to see my children. However, as he was ready to go and we had time to prepare it seemed easier.
My mum on the other hand still loved life and was really afraid to die. The death was sudden and we never really had a chance to say goodbye. I had a 200 mile drive in the night to see her on life support and than watch them turn life support off.
Even the loss of my sister in her 50's didn't have such an impact.
Although obviously I do get that the loss of a child or person with young dependents is more tragic on both a personal and global level.

OP, I'm sorry for your loss, and it's obviously devastating for you - for that reason I was reluctant to reply, but I really don't think you can call it 'tragic'.

Stillbirths; deaths of children; parents who leave behind small children; long, painful deaths at any age; war; starvation; displacement; torture; lives lived with severe physical or emotional trauma; old people dying alone and not being found for 3 months ...

I might call these things tragic, but not the sudden death of an 85-year old.

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps Wed 15-Jan-14 13:00:11

Death of a parent at whatever age is a tragedy to THAT family. So sorry for your loss it's been 20 years since I lost my father, his loss was not a tragedy to the rest of the world but was and always will be to me for everything I lost.

Fancyashandy Wed 15-Jan-14 22:34:34

In your view it is a tragedy, you don't speak for everyone. I prefer not to use that terminology to describe the death of my mum. It was bad enough, i known how bad it was. I choose not to make it more dramatic than it was. It makes it sound like I think my experience and grief was bigger and worse than other peoples.

Caitlin17 Wed 15-Jan-14 22:45:24

Fancyashandy and notgoodnotbad I agree. It's semantics I suppose but "tragic" to me means something which is more universally objective. It doesn't diminish the personal grief of the bereaved, but the word doesn't feel right. I wouldn't describe my beloved grandfather's death at 85 as tragic , it doesn't mean I didn't love him and miss him.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Wed 15-Jan-14 22:51:03

My gran was 91 when she died. She was fit, active, fully compos mentis and a vibrant and interesting lady. She went on the bus to the shops and sat down in the bus stop on the way back and the seat had been vandalised and it dumped her on the ground breaking her hip which hastily led to her death. I felt that was tragic. I wanted to pound the face of the person that sawed the seat in two. If you felt it was tragic, it was.

PowerPants Wed 15-Jan-14 22:58:57

Samu2 - am so sorry. I agree with you.

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