to not be overly sympathetic to grieving friend

(436 Posts)
znaika Sun 12-Jan-14 21:34:04

I know that everyone feels grief in different ways and that some people feel genuine upset at the death of their pets etc, however, AIBUnreasonbly cuntish to feel infuriated by a colleague who keeps banging on about what a tough year 2013 was, becasue she lost her grandmother.
She was not raised by her, she's in her 40s - her grandmother was in her 90s, she had a month's compassionate leave, and while I understand she may miss her, it's really not that tragic is it? to lose an extremely elderly relative.

DoItTooJulia Sun 12-Jan-14 21:36:06

Yep. It is cuntish.

Grief is a funny old thing.

Try and be kind?

SuckItAndSee Sun 12-Jan-14 21:36:12

yabu
when someone dies it's always too soon
all that "good innings" business is really insensitive.

Morgause Sun 12-Jan-14 21:36:19

It's always tragic to lose someone you love and who loved you. So I think YABU.

needaholidaynow Sun 12-Jan-14 21:36:52

Maybe not to you.

MrsS28 Sun 12-Jan-14 21:37:42

Death is unfortunately a fact of life. You seem reasonable to me.

A month of work seems unreasonable to me.

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 12-Jan-14 21:37:46

Are you sure you know the real story. Grief for a Grandmother could be a semi plausible cover for something that she doesn't wish to be public knowledge.

Twighlightsparkle Sun 12-Jan-14 21:37:50

A months compassionate leave is odd, apart from that yes YABU

kinkyfuckery Sun 12-Jan-14 21:37:55

Wow YABU.

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 12-Jan-14 21:38:28

YANBU

jacks365 Sun 12-Jan-14 21:38:30

I take it you've never lost anyone you are close to.

YABU

CoffeeTea103 Sun 12-Jan-14 21:39:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

IAmNotAMindReader Sun 12-Jan-14 21:39:23

Is it more you feel she is not genuinely still distraught but perhaps milking the situation for the attention its bringing her?

Xoticdreamz Sun 12-Jan-14 21:40:23

Some people are better at accepting death and dealing with grief than others YABU

Newyearchanger Sun 12-Jan-14 21:40:32

Can't imagine it myself but then I have never been close to grandparents.

Age when they die makes no difference, it's how much that person meant to you and how much you loved them and miss them.

Sirzy Sun 12-Jan-14 21:40:37

YABU. The year my grandmother died was horrible, you don't need to have been raised by someone to be close to them

Joules68 Sun 12-Jan-14 21:40:42

Grief comes out in different ways and this may in fact be grief over her grandmother AND someone else from way back

Yabu

Not everyone is like you

Newyearchanger Sun 12-Jan-14 21:41:31

Even if your parent is very old, you still feel devastated so ycbbu

MuttonCadet Sun 12-Jan-14 21:41:31

YABU, and probably don't know the full story, (a months leave would be unusual for a GM).

biscuit to go with that saucer of milk, I hope your grief fits into other peoples expectations.

marceline Sun 12-Jan-14 21:42:26

I am 36. My nan is 83. She has been in hospital for a month having had surgery to remove secondary skin cancer from her lymph nodes. I know her chances aren't great and I'm trying to work my head around that thought. But I know that I will never be ready to let her go and the thought of that future grief is almost too hard to bear. When - if she dies it will be sick with grief. YABU.

kilmuir Sun 12-Jan-14 21:42:48

Yanbu. Its not tragic, sad but not unexpected surely.

My granny is in her 90s and when she goes I will be devastated. She practically brought me up and I adore her.
YABVVU

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSquirrel Sun 12-Jan-14 21:44:12

Infuriated? Seriously? YABU

If you don't have it in you to be kind, just ignore her.

znaika Sun 12-Jan-14 21:44:20

I was widowed at the age of 31- I do know a thing or tow about grief actually- but find it strange- they didn't live in the same country, she went home for th funeral so a month was fair enough, I just can't understand why she is so overwhelmed by it- did she think he grandmother would live for ever? I think it's rare for eople to have liveing grandparents in their 40s

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