Bit of back story..... DH and I got married in 2009. My parents are still together, MIL was on her own when we met after DH's father died of cancer a few years previously. During our courtship MIL became close to a family friend (a wealthy bachelor) and they eventually got married a year after us. They moved to the country (about an hour away from us) and live a very idyllic, peaceful life there.
Everyone has always got on ok. If I'm honest I do find MIL quite strange in that she is a very nervy woman, old before her time, few interests in life and even worse now she has married someone very similar to herself. My parents are the same age but very outgoing and enjoy having fun, going on holiday etc.
The biggest difference in the 2 families is the amount of support that they give their children. My parents (and grandparents) live 10 minutes down the road. Their lives revolve around us 'children' and their grandchildren, even more so since my DSis survived a serious cancer 6 years ago- it made our already close family even closer.
My parents see their children and grandchildren most days as we all enjoy spending time together. They are very generous to us as they are quite well off. They pay for family holidays together, have given all of their children a large deposit in order to buy their own homes and have paid for all of their weddings. They are also generous with their time- always able to babysit, pop round to help with DIY etc. nothing is too much trouble.
My MIL is the exact opposite. She sees us about once every 6 weeks and we usually have to visit her despite having a 2 year old and being heavily pregnant with a complicated pregnancy. She rarely attends any family gatherings and, when she does, she is always the 1st to leave, blaming 'getting home to let the dogs out'. She did not even help out her struggling daughter when she had her 2nd child- she only stayed for the day as 'the house was too noisy' and she is offended by breast feeding!!
Regardless of these differences everyone has always been very polite and friendly..... Until now
Today my husband got off the phone from MIL looking upset and worried. Eventually he told me that his mother was very upset because my parents had sent her a big box of chocolates for Xmas that were out of date. Apparently MIL was very offended by this as it showed such a lack of thought. However, she told my husband not to tell anyone about it including me. My DH felt as though he was out in a bad position and ended up telling me which he then regretted because I got really upset.
We have had a crap Xmas this year. On Xmas eve my mum found out that her father had cancer (possibly terminal) after weeks of worry. Despite this, she still hosted Xmas for everyone although understandably she was distracted and needed a lot of support from us. I have no idea what happened with the chocolates. All I can think of is that my mom bought them from the shop without realising they were out of date. Our family is not one to 'recycle' presents from the year before, indeed, being a chunky family chocolate rarely lasts longer than a few days with us.
AIBU to feel really angry with MIL. She knows it is a difficult time for the family (although not all the details) and also knows that my parents are generous people usually. I'm just angry that she seems to have automatically thought that it was some slight on her, rather than that there was probably some explanation. I'm just so shocked that people actually take offence about such stupid things. I also feel that by telling DH in secret she has given my parents no chance to defend themselves and made things awkward for everyone.
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AIBU?
To feel very upset about 1st 'issue' with MIL or is it my pregnancy hormones
41 replies
hb1976 · 12/01/2014 16:51
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NatashaBee ·
12/01/2014 16:56
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MrsDeVere ·
12/01/2014 20:08
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