To be posting on AIBU rather than just being a grown up and figuring this out myself?

(60 Posts)

Because I feel a bit pathetic! I'm a single parent, 3 kids, stbxh left when I was pg with DS2, now 5 months old. Was hideously horrible time, included him having deep and meaningful fb conversations with female friends about how awful and what a "nutter" I was. Anyway, today I received a message from one of these women (who fully engaged with the "yeah she is a nutter chat") asking if I will teach her daughter....

I teach privately, only person in the area in this subject. The money from an extra student would be very very very helpful (no maintenance for the DCs), and I do love teaching, but I don't really want to be involved with this woman who was laughing about what a nutter I supposedly am when I was seriously ill in my pregnancy and struggling to cope with my other DCs alone.

Argh. I know I should just be a grown up and either say yes or no, but I would rather sticky head in the sand and ignore the message. If I say yes, I will keep getting reminded of what was a black time , if I say no I have to give a reason and it means her DD cannot learn the specialist thing I teach. Which seems mean to let a little girl down because I am in all probability being a bit precious about some slightly bitchy fb conversations.

So, AIBU for feeling like this is an actual dilemma. And, because that is how I feel, WWYD?

Waves, I would not tell her any reasons why you can't teach her dd.

You want other people's children to turn up for tutoring, so don't spread the word you are fully booked, and don't give her any ammunition to go and bitch about you (if you pull her up about her bad behaviour she might just do that).

I would not teach her dd unless I would starve otherwise. Your sanity is worth more than an extra student. You'd be reminded of that crappy time in your life every week.

deXavia Mon 13-Jan-14 06:41:00

Cinnamon has it right - don't risk losing other clients, or causing problems with other parents.

Personally I'd do it for the funds and for the DD.

But if you really don't want to - short and dignified is the only way to go...

paxtecum Mon 13-Jan-14 06:46:11

Don't do the waiting list idea - that is just prolonging the agony of indecision.

saintmerryweather Mon 13-Jan-14 06:48:46

I would answer with what nutella said. Its the most mature dignified response anyone has posted so far

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 13-Jan-14 07:25:54

Iirc you are in quite a small community. If you are going to have to deal with this group of women regularly as your DC grow up then its best to start on your own terms.

Draw up a formal contact even if you don't usually have one though.

It is a tough situation, I still haven't replied, but to be fair I am having to go away with work tomorrow and have been working out what I need to pack for me and the baby. So, I think I will consider all your advice and ideas some more and get back to her when I am back home at the end of the week.

If it helps formulate further ideas then here are some details: the lessons are one to one, with usually the parent dropping off at the start and picking up after, from my own home. So, definitely close contact with the mother required.

The FB conversation that I saw was along the lines of "Hey [stbxh] how are things going with you and Waves? Baby due soon?"

He went back saying "things aren't going at all with waves, she turned out to be a total nutter who hated my kids and I am glad to be shot of her"

She went back reminiscing about when they were an item then said, oh, I remember Waves from years back, she was a nutter back then too. Can't imagine why you were with her"

He went back saying, yeah, enough people have told me that since. Well rid.

She agreed etc etc

That kind of conversation.... (Please note, I have NO recollection of who this particular woman is, I don't know how/if she knows me) And I am pretty sure she has no idea that I know about the conversation.

Interesting that someone suggested it could be a trap, another way of getting twunt to spy on me. I try not to be paranoid, but he does have a tendency to online stalk me.

SomethingOnce Mon 13-Jan-14 11:12:43

Hmmm, tricky.

Could you say to the mother that you're happy to do it, as long as the mother feels you are a fit person to teach the daughter (nicely PA reference to the messages grin)? Then see what she says and then, if you're happy with her response, do it for the love of your specialism, the girl herself, an the money.

waves, after this info - never ever would I let her come to my house every week. What a cow.

ReindeerBollocks Mon 13-Jan-14 20:07:34

I wouldn't be teaching her daughter in a million years.

What a cow! (Her not you). You'd be a more dignified person, but with her attitude is it worth the money?

Hope the work trip goes well - it's lovely to hear you're doing well after all that rubbish your STBXH threw at you thanks

helenthemadex Wed 15-Jan-14 12:58:52

after seeing the update I would absolutely not teach her daughter, she instigated the conversation about you, I think SecretNutellas reply is perfect and professional. It also puts the reasons back on her where they belong

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