Is this wrong? Regarding putting ds on the organ donor list.

(100 Posts)
TroLoLo Sun 12-Jan-14 09:31:20

I've been on the list for a while but I recently signed ds up for it. I wasn't sure if I could do this at first but I looked into it and it was fine. When I said to ds dad he said it was wrong as ds had no choice in it. He was pretty annoyed. Ds is 2.5. I'm also sure my mum put me on the list when I was little, I vaguely remember having a card.

Obviously ds didn't make this choice but if, god forbid, anything was to happen to my ds I would rather another child could benefit and hopefully get out of the horrendous situation they are facing.

I know this is a bit morbid but I'm a student nurse so it's something that I've had to think about iykwim.

PicardyThird Sun 12-Jan-14 09:35:10

Hard one. I would say it's not wrong, for the reason you give, with the caveat that, as soon as your ds is old enough to understand and make the choice for himself, you discuss it with him and give him the opportunity to be taken off the register.

ReputableBiscuit Sun 12-Jan-14 09:39:34

I'd say that, while DS is too young to make his own mind up, his father should get a right of veto. Organ donation is wonderful and I'm all for it, but expecting a bereft parent who can't reconcile themselves to it, to just put up with it because you're in favour could increase that person's heartache in the mercifully unlikely event that your DS died.

In practice, I think the clinicians would seek the consent of both parents anyway?

cuddlefish Sun 12-Jan-14 09:43:00

I think everyone, including children, should be on the donor list unless they expressly withdraw their consent. Then surely bereft parents wouldn't need to be asked about it.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Sun 12-Jan-14 09:43:24

Both parents need to agree to organ donation, but if all children too young to give consent were excluded from donating organs there would be no hope for those young children awaiting transplants.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 12-Jan-14 09:45:37

I think this is something both parents need to agree on

lunar1 Sun 12-Jan-14 09:46:49

Would your dh also refuse an organ if ds needed one? After all ds would be too young to understand that as well.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 12-Jan-14 09:47:07

Question is, would you accept an organ for your Ds?

If the answers yes then I do agree that it would he the right thing to do. As long as when he's older he gets the choice.

God forbid anything does happen but if it does he won't need them and you would be sparing other parents the same tragedy.

Thank you for this thread, it's reminded me that I should talk to dp about our children and the list. I'm already on it.

TroLoLo Sun 12-Jan-14 09:48:38

We're not together any more, sorry I didn't make that clear. I'll try and present my argument to him again at next pick up/drop off. He understood when I explained to him about why I had done this, it was the fact that ds hadn't consented to it he had a problem with.

CunningAtBothEnds Sun 12-Jan-14 09:49:29

the surgery we signed up with seem to have automatically signed my dcs up. I must admit it makes me feel weird, and scared in a tempting fate sort of way.

my rational mind realises that through a tragedy could come some light but in the back of my brain a voice is screaming NOT MY BABIES... and a sinister voice is saying that perhaps a doctor wouldnt tryy so hard to save them?! I recognise how utterly loopy that is.

JodieGarberJacob Sun 12-Jan-14 09:49:51

What lunar said.

I really think it should be opt out then anyone who is strongly against it would have to actively do something instead of the other way round.

Sirzy Sun 12-Jan-14 09:50:54

Both parents should agree to anything as major as that. Ultimately if heaven forbid anything happened I would imagine both of you would need to consent anyway assuming you have parental respoponsibility

fishybits Sun 12-Jan-14 09:51:37

DH and I both hold donor cards. Having discussed it, DD (2) has one for now but we'll talk about it with her when she's old enough to understand about organ donation and will respect decision she makes regarding her body.

Doctors try to save everybody. Organ donation means something helpful and life changing come from terrible tragedy. The op has made the right choice ad yes it would be good if her ex could agree with it.

meditrina Sun 12-Jan-14 09:52:51

In practice, someone that young won't be carrying an actual card (unless you want it lost, scrumpled, drawn on etc).

But yes, put him on the register, as a statement of general intent. It'll be checked before action is taken if there are ever circumstances in which it is under active consideration.

And yes, talk to your DH (and anyone else who will listen) about the importance of donors. I've carried a card since I was 13, having been touched by the story of just one patient in need of transplant.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 12-Jan-14 09:56:32

Doesn't matter whether he's officially 'on the list' or not.

You can be on the list, but if your next of kin says, "nope sorry, I don't want to donate DH/DW's organs", then it's not happening.

God forbid, but if something did happen, consent from both parents would be required.

Lioninthesun Sun 12-Jan-14 09:57:36

I keep meaning to do this for DD - thank you for reminding me. Although I assume they would ask the parents if the child is under 18 and anything happened?

I think it is a bit like everything else parent's choose for their children. Until they are 18 you have the rights and they may not understand all of the arguments. Just as much as you may choose to teach them Mandarin rather than French for their future; it may affect their life, but it also may not.

broccolirocks Sun 12-Jan-14 09:57:43

I put both my children on the donor list when they were tiny, niw they're older have talked (sensitively) to them and they agree with it. There are lots of things children don't have a choice in - food, clothes, bedtime for a start. Does ds' dad feel uncomfortable about it, bit like 'tempting fate'?

HoratiaDrelincourt Sun 12-Jan-14 10:01:25

All mine were on from birth. I preferred to just do it rather than tempt fate by agonising later on. But then I think the system should probably be "opt-out" rather than "opt-in" so that's effectively what I've created for my family.

And yes DH would be able to veto if the question actually ever came up.

SuburbanRhonda Sun 12-Jan-14 10:01:53

Do both parents need to consent in the event their child needed a life-saving transplant?

If one parent couldn't be contacted to request consent, would that mean the child would not be given life-saving surgery?

I remember a similar thread about whether organ donation should be opt-in or opt-out and was shocked at how many posters had no problem with the principal of accepting a donated organ for themselves or a loved one, but flatly refused to sign themselves up sad.

CunningAtBothEnds Sun 12-Jan-14 10:04:06

as always MN makes me feel better. I am on the list as are dcs and DH, and I would gratefully accept an organ for any of us if god forbid it was needed.

I still cant say Its something I think too much on but in the situation I would give consent. strangely I feel more at peace with giving mine away that theirs? perhaps this is because the idea of them dying is absolutely something I cant handle

TroLoLo Sun 12-Jan-14 10:06:52

Nope, he doesn't think it's tempting fate. He totally understood what I was saying about wanting someone else to benefit. I'm sure he is on the register himself. It was purely the fact that ds didn't consent himself that he has a problem with.

meditrina Sun 12-Jan-14 10:08:52

When there are differences between parents about serious treatment, then the matter will end up in Court.

When there is a difference over being the donor, then the donation won't proceed. No-one is forced to be altruistic.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Sun 12-Jan-14 10:10:03

In practice, if anything did happen that rendered an individual brain dead and suitable for organ donation, the family's consent would be obtained regardless of wether the individual was on the register or not.
The organ donor register is useful because it lets the next of kin know what the individuals thoughts were, which may help them make a decision as in 'it's what he would have wanted'. It also gets people thinking about it before the event (which hopefully never happens).

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 12-Jan-14 10:10:08

Does he understand that your Ds won't be able to consent for any medical procedure until 18. So that idea kind of goes out the window if he has ever undergone any medical treatment.

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