This might be a bit long!
I had a conversation with a friend yesterday which has made me doubt whether something I always thought was ok...actually IS ok. Now I'm questioning myself so could do with some other points of view!
I am very happily married with one dd. I have a very good male friend who is also married. We attended each other's weddings and have never known each other "single" - we were both in serious relationships with our oh's when we met, so have never dated, flirted, nada - we just clicked when we met about 8 years ago at work and have remained close friends. The four of us (me, my DH, My DF and his wife) very rarely get together as a four - usually my and my friend get together just the two of us to go to dinner, have drinks etc. We text occasionally and exchange emails but nothing we wouldn't be happy for either spouse to read.
My husband is absolutely fine with this friendship. He likes my friend a lot, encourages me to see him regularly and is totally secure in our marriage so there's no jealousy. Both me and DH have good friends of the opposite sex and this is not an issue for us at all. I realise it maybe would be for some couples but it works for us.
I never thought anything was odd about any of this until I spoke to one of my female friends yesterday and mentioned that id gone for dinner with my male friend last week. She was horrified and said that once you are married, you should have no reason to socialise alone with other married members of the opposite sex. She accepted that there is nothing "going on" between us (and honestly, there isn't) but was admant that my friends wife must HATE me spending time with her husband.
This really got me worried! I know and like his wife and always assumed she was fine with me as I've never gotten any vibes when iv been around her. My male friend assures me she is absolutely fine - like my husband - but I can't help now worrying that she's secretly resenting me and that I'm causing problems.
Am I - like my friend told my yesterday - kidding myself to believe that a man and woman can be good friends without either party's spouse minding?
I spoke to my dh about it and he says I'm silly to worry now when wev been friends for 8 years with no incident or problems - and that it would have become apparent before now if I was being seen as a threat! But I realise that some people's marriages have a different dynamic to ours and I would be absolutely mortified if I was causing problems for a very dear friend and his lovely wife
I'd love to hear other peoples take on this!
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AIBU?
To think my friend is mistaken and this really isn't a problem?
63 replies
twiggy6 · 12/01/2014 08:45
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
12/01/2014 08:47
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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