My DH NEVER EVER ever, ever, ever put ANYTHING away!!! More of a WWYD than a AIBU.

(62 Posts)
mameulah Sat 11-Jan-14 21:02:20

Does anyone else out there have this to contend with?

I have done being sugary sweet, joking and going absolutely blue-in-the-face-mad about it.

Nothing works.

I swear that at least 98 per cent of the time he has NO IDEA he is even doing it.

I know that I am a 'everything in its place' kind of girl and then he is a 'drop it when you have stopped using it' kind of boy. I had accepted that and have for years PICKED UP AND PUT AWAY EVERYTHING.

Lately it has been getting on my nerves.

Anyone else out there have/had this 'problem'?

tia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yomellamoHelly Mon 20-Jan-14 16:22:20

My dh is like this too. My MIL has been upset at times because she's witnessed / overheard me telling my eldest to clear up / put away / think of others when he does the same kind of stuff and reminding him of the extra work he creates for me. She's the same too, though. Has always had cleaners to pick up / tidy after her.

Dahlen Mon 20-Jan-14 16:02:25

I left my X for partly this reason (there were numerous others).

Current BF makes me feel like the untidy one. grin

My DC are in the process of being "trained." I find that throwing everything out after one warning only works for long periods of time.

I say, "I have told you repeatedly that leaving things around for me to tidy up is treating me like your servant and is very disrespectful. I assume that anything left lying around is unwanted and throw it out like the rubbish you clearly think it is."

It's not yet fool proof (as in I have to say this fairly regularly) but it does prevent me from running around after my DC, particularly once a few favourite toys disappeared. <harsh>

Thatisall Mon 20-Jan-14 15:58:43

Ahhh are you also married to my dh?? It drives me mad! I've tried ignoring the things that he leaves lying around in the hope that he'll get fed up and realise. It would appear that he's blind to it :-/

nevergoogle Mon 20-Jan-14 15:57:05

DH also incapable.

But does anybody else do this? DH will find something usually that I have put back where it is supposed to be. On discovering this object he will then put it somewhere else so that he can find it later. He will drape it over the stairs, or put it on the shelf next to the box it was found in. Then when he can't find it and i tell him it's in the place he originally found it, it's gone.

curlew Mon 20-Jan-14 15:55:02

Make a time machine.
Go back in time.
Marry a grown up.

afussyphase Mon 20-Jan-14 15:50:43

I confess that I am not naturally inclined towards putting things away. I mean - I'll put the milk back in the fridge and the tea towel back, but the book I read 6 weeks ago and liked might still be on the side table and the paper I need to deal with might, ahem, get left out for a week, and all that. What really changes my habits is if I'M the one who tidies up the whole house. So get him to tidy up EVERYTHING some weekend - all the DC stuff left on their floor (if any! don't do it yourself first), all YOUR socks you haven't got around to matching up and putting away yet, all the random bits of mail, ALL of it - pretend the cleaner's coming (or get the cleaner to come if you have one) and make HIM get the whole place ready for a wipe-down. Suddenly, if it's not a choice between doing it at all or not, but rather a choice between 'put the milk away while I'm standing at the fridge' or 'deal with it being smelly later', it can become a new and better habit. Good luck with it though. Probably will never change while you're doing the bulk of it, because some people really just don't notice.

We have a 'crap bag' tidying system now for the crap that DH leaves lying around the house. I go around and scoop up everything that he hasn't put away into a bag - the bag of random crap. It is then DHs job to empty the crap bag and put everything away properly. He seems fully capable of putting it away when it comes out of a bag... not so much when it is an 'as you go' job...

Crap bags are the future smile

(this totally outs me to anyone who knows me grin )

Popscene88 Mon 20-Jan-14 15:39:09

Another one who has this problem.

I also tidy anything that is ours away, (mugs, ENDLESS PINT GLASSES OF WATER IN EVERY FUCKING ROOM, plates, baby's things) and anything else that is his, I take it upstairs and dump it on the floor on his side of the bed. Including the 3 soaking wet towels he uses EVERY time he has a bath. I have no idea what he does with 3 towels confused. I have a nice set of secret towels I keep in my wardrobe. Also on his pile goes empty deodorant cans left on the landing, and DENTAL FLOSS left on top of the toilet EVERY morning. On the floor with his clothes.

Took 2 weeks for him to realise what I was doing, and he said "Oh my god are you pulling a teenager trick on me?" I said yes, and by the way, unless it is in the laundry basket it aint getting washed. His response was to just pick out his shirts for work and wash them, dry them and hang them up, leaving everything else happily on the floor.

At a loss now....

CrazyCatLady13 Tue 14-Jan-14 13:17:18

We have a compromise - he has a drawer in the living room that I put all his crap important papers that he's left lying around. He also has the spare room as a junk room office, so that I can close the door on it. I'm happy to put his stuff in either of these two places so I don't see it lying around.

He's a tutor who works in the student's home so needs lots of equipment for practicals, text books etc so lots and lots of clutter!

MrsKoala Tue 14-Jan-14 12:23:46

I make my DH call me 'mummy' if I have to tidy his shit up. I stand there holding his crap, and say "either you get up now and put this away, or I will, but you must ask mummy nicely to do it!". I think it embarrasses him enough that I only need to pull this stunt rarely.

So what happens if he doesn't get up, doesn't do it, doesn't call you mummy and actually says 'fuck off, don't touch my stuff, leave it exactly where i left it - that's where i want it''?

I also employ the incredibly mature trick of pretending I can't see his mess, and so will stomp all over his discarded jacket, run the filthy pram wheels over his shoes etc. Any objections get a lecture about why they are on the floor etc etc.

This doesn't work for us because DH just doesn't care about stuff so wouldn't even notice. If the toddler pulls down folded clean laundry from the chair/bed to the floor DH would just walk on it. He wouldn't even notice it. Once i watched him knock a dining chair over on to its back to the middle of the floor, i left it to see how long it would take for him to pick it up - he just stepped over it, and 4 days later i gave in and said to pick it up. He hadn't even noticed it. He would only have noticed it if he needed to sit down. He completely zones everything out that he isn't interested in (i think he is on the spectrum - lots of others do to - he has many aspie traits).

I'm the messy partnershock shock I mean to pick stuff up and will eventually but I'm useless. And sometimes I do nothing, then look around me and there's mess everywhere, I'm a mess bomb. Have injured myself many times over the years standing on /walking into my crap. Now we have DC I HAVE to improve and have even started stopping as I leave a room to chick for open doors, scissors left out/shoes on floor/ glasses piled dangerously as I've collected then forgotten them. It's a hard habit to break and while I am improving I can never see a future where towels are never on the floor tbh.

Btw my mother is an absolute lout, I get it from her.

DeWe Tue 14-Jan-14 10:31:50

Dh is a "if it's his, it;s in the place he wants it=tidy. If it's not his then it's not his job to tidy it".
Drives me crazy. Because there's a fair amount of generic stuff in a family of 5 that he will ignore despite it being easier for him to deal with.
More irritating is that he won't tidy up for, say his parents coming, without me tidying up at the same time. So I can come back after dealing with the dc all morning, having left him for 4 hours and with several other chores I and only I can do... to find that he's moved a piece of paper from the piano to the middle of the floor because it shouldn't be on the piano <slight exaggeration>

I think though it is because he shared a bedroom with a very messy brother when growing up. He had to ignore his brother's mess, but kept his own tidy.

Shitehawke Tue 14-Jan-14 08:47:40

I also employ the incredibly mature trick of pretending I can't see his mess, and so will stomp all over his discarded jacket, run the filthy pram wheels over his shoes etc. Any objections get a lecture about why they are on the floor etc etc.

Shitehawke Tue 14-Jan-14 08:45:02

I make my DH call me 'mummy' if I have to tidy his shit up. I stand there holding his crap, and say "either you get up now and put this away, or I will, but you must ask mummy nicely to do it!". I think it embarrasses him enough that I only need to pull this stunt rarely.

MomsStiffler Tue 14-Jan-14 08:26:50

Put it in a box in the garage, don't tell him. One day he'll realise he has no socks. You can then point him to the ones draped over his other things in the musty box in the garage.

He'll learn, if he doesn't then you may have to go down the bonfire route....

diddl Tue 14-Jan-14 08:21:19

So if he puts nothing away-does that mean that you pick up after him-an adult-and he's OK with that?

enormouse Tue 14-Jan-14 08:05:00

Dp is like this and it drives me insane.

If he dresses ds he'll leave the wardrobe door open - why?? Surely it takes no effort to close it.
If he makes anything to eat, he'll leave everything out, like evidence that he's bothered to make something.
The shoes are another problem - just takes them off everywhere and leaves them. They could go in the hallway with the other shoes, but no they lie in the middle of the floor waiting for me or ds to fall over them. He has enormous feet and tends to wear dms and caterpillar boots. They're like fucking canoes.

Luckily ds, at the age of 2, is showing no signs of taking after daddy. Puts his toys away, runs to bin wrappers and bits of rubbish for you and ambles about with a huge broom.

I threaten to send Dp to live with his mum till he learns. That works for a short while.

acrabadabra Tue 14-Jan-14 07:46:34

Dh and I both have drop it tendencies. I like to think I am more aware though and make an effort to curb my natural state.

I still get annoyed at dh when he does it grin

I can often find myself muttering about him leaving his clothes on the floor whilst stepping over my own.

I sometimes daydream about living alone then I'd only be cleaning up after myself.

Tailtwister Tue 14-Jan-14 07:36:19

DH never puts the recycling out, despite the bins being just outside the kitchen door. He piles up boxes, bottles etc beside the sink until I eventually break and put it out. One day I put it all in a bin bag and onto the driver's seat of his car. It did not good whatsoever. The bag lived in the boot for over a month.

I don't know what the solution is. I remember mentioning it to my MIL once and her response was 'well you married him'. To which I replied, 'well, you brought him up!'

6cats3gingerkittens Tue 14-Jan-14 07:36:01

My ex did this as well. So I just stopped cooking, washing, and cleaning except stuff for myself. He couldn't understand why I was being so horrible, sob sob. Still didn't understand when his next lady did the same sort of thing. Eventually his Mum apologised about him to both of us. She had waited on the selfish sod for years, even rolling his socks down so they were easy to put on. Mothers!

Blithereens Tue 14-Jan-14 07:30:15

My DH is a bit like this, although he has improved. If it's His Stuff, then I put it on his desk or under his side of the duvet grin although even then he's been known to get it out and leave it on my dressing table!

If it's Our Stuff then I put it away, sometimes having a chunter while I do it. He doesn't care where it is; I do.

He also leaves every sodding light on. I obsessively turn them off. If he's been really bad I turn the lights off in the room he's in (temporarily) and when he moans I say I'm redressing the balance!

It definitely comes from having a MIL who did everything for him.

lovelyredwine Tue 14-Jan-14 07:17:12

It may have to be one of those things you put up with because you love him! My DH is similar although has massively improved over the years. I know that I don't paint (as in decorating, I'm not Monet) the 'right' way according to him. He puts up with it, just as I put up with him not keeping the house exactly to my standards.

BeckAndCall Tue 14-Jan-14 07:12:28

I spend HOURS dreaming up solutions to this..... My favourite would be to gather up his lunch pots ( he's the only one home for lunch) out them in a washing up bowl and put them on the seat of his car - that way he'd notice, right?

Or just to gather up all the random 'stuff' and put it in the bed at his side.

But then I'm worried that he'd do exactly the same to me for whatever I do that annoys him!

I tried a tangential approach over Christmas when all the kids were back for the hols and said " if only everyone would put away the stuff in the right place after they've used it!' In an exasperated voice right in front of him. He said, ' I know, they're messy aren't they'! He just doesn't see it...

Will keep checking back for the right answer!

Passthecake30 Tue 14-Jan-14 07:03:49

Mine leaves drawers open in the bedroom. Huge oak heavy ones. Which I leave open if I a. Feeling really wound up about it and he walks into them on his way to bed in the dark....and remembers to close them for about a day

QueenofClean Tue 14-Jan-14 07:01:43

My DH is like this drives me insane MIL admits that it's because she would walk around picking up his dirty washing, shutting doors and putting the cereal or milk back. I've told him I'm not his mother but I can't live in an untidy house, so I just end up tidying away. Not even worth the argument now.

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