My DH NEVER EVER ever, ever, ever put ANYTHING away!!! More of a WWYD than a AIBU.(62 Posts)
Does anyone else out there have this to contend with?
I have done being sugary sweet, joking and going absolutely blue-in-the-face-mad about it.
I swear that at least 98 per cent of the time he has NO IDEA he is even doing it.
I know that I am a 'everything in its place' kind of girl and then he is a 'drop it when you have stopped using it' kind of boy. I had accepted that and have for years PICKED UP AND PUT AWAY EVERYTHING.
Lately it has been getting on my nerves.
Anyone else out there have/had this 'problem'?
Dh is a "if it's his, it;s in the place he wants it=tidy. If it's not his then it's not his job to tidy it".
Drives me crazy. Because there's a fair amount of generic stuff in a family of 5 that he will ignore despite it being easier for him to deal with.
More irritating is that he won't tidy up for, say his parents coming, without me tidying up at the same time. So I can come back after dealing with the dc all morning, having left him for 4 hours and with several other chores I and only I can do... to find that he's moved a piece of paper from the piano to the middle of the floor because it shouldn't be on the piano <slight exaggeration>
I think though it is because he shared a bedroom with a very messy brother when growing up. He had to ignore his brother's mess, but kept his own tidy.
I'm the messy partner I mean to pick stuff up and will eventually but I'm useless. And sometimes I do nothing, then look around me and there's mess everywhere, I'm a mess bomb. Have injured myself many times over the years standing on /walking into my crap. Now we have DC I HAVE to improve and have even started stopping as I leave a room to chick for open doors, scissors left out/shoes on floor/ glasses piled dangerously as I've collected then forgotten them. It's a hard habit to break and while I am improving I can never see a future where towels are never on the floor tbh.
Btw my mother is an absolute lout, I get it from her.
I make my DH call me 'mummy' if I have to tidy his shit up. I stand there holding his crap, and say "either you get up now and put this away, or I will, but you must ask mummy nicely to do it!". I think it embarrasses him enough that I only need to pull this stunt rarely.
So what happens if he doesn't get up, doesn't do it, doesn't call you mummy and actually says 'fuck off, don't touch my stuff, leave it exactly where i left it - that's where i want it''?
I also employ the incredibly mature trick of pretending I can't see his mess, and so will stomp all over his discarded jacket, run the filthy pram wheels over his shoes etc. Any objections get a lecture about why they are on the floor etc etc.
This doesn't work for us because DH just doesn't care about stuff so wouldn't even notice. If the toddler pulls down folded clean laundry from the chair/bed to the floor DH would just walk on it. He wouldn't even notice it. Once i watched him knock a dining chair over on to its back to the middle of the floor, i left it to see how long it would take for him to pick it up - he just stepped over it, and 4 days later i gave in and said to pick it up. He hadn't even noticed it. He would only have noticed it if he needed to sit down. He completely zones everything out that he isn't interested in (i think he is on the spectrum - lots of others do to - he has many aspie traits).
We have a compromise - he has a drawer in the living room that I put all his
crap important papers that he's left lying around. He also has the spare room as a junk room office, so that I can close the door on it. I'm happy to put his stuff in either of these two places so I don't see it lying around.
He's a tutor who works in the student's home so needs lots of equipment for practicals, text books etc so lots and lots of clutter!
Another one who has this problem.
I also tidy anything that is ours away, (mugs, ENDLESS PINT GLASSES OF WATER IN EVERY FUCKING ROOM, plates, baby's things) and anything else that is his, I take it upstairs and dump it on the floor on his side of the bed. Including the 3 soaking wet towels he uses EVERY time he has a bath. I have no idea what he does with 3 towels . I have a nice set of secret towels I keep in my wardrobe. Also on his pile goes empty deodorant cans left on the landing, and DENTAL FLOSS left on top of the toilet EVERY morning. On the floor with his clothes.
Took 2 weeks for him to realise what I was doing, and he said "Oh my god are you pulling a teenager trick on me?" I said yes, and by the way, unless it is in the laundry basket it aint getting washed. His response was to just pick out his shirts for work and wash them, dry them and hang them up, leaving everything else happily on the floor.
At a loss now....
We have a 'crap bag' tidying system now for the crap that DH leaves lying around the house. I go around and scoop up everything that he hasn't put away into a bag - the bag of random crap. It is then DHs job to empty the crap bag and put everything away properly. He seems fully capable of putting it away when it comes out of a bag... not so much when it is an 'as you go' job...
Crap bags are the future
(this totally outs me to anyone who knows me )
I confess that I am not naturally inclined towards putting things away. I mean - I'll put the milk back in the fridge and the tea towel back, but the book I read 6 weeks ago and liked might still be on the side table and the paper I need to deal with might, ahem, get left out for a week, and all that. What really changes my habits is if I'M the one who tidies up the whole house. So get him to tidy up EVERYTHING some weekend - all the DC stuff left on their floor (if any! don't do it yourself first), all YOUR socks you haven't got around to matching up and putting away yet, all the random bits of mail, ALL of it - pretend the cleaner's coming (or get the cleaner to come if you have one) and make HIM get the whole place ready for a wipe-down. Suddenly, if it's not a choice between doing it at all or not, but rather a choice between 'put the milk away while I'm standing at the fridge' or 'deal with it being smelly later', it can become a new and better habit. Good luck with it though. Probably will never change while you're doing the bulk of it, because some people really just don't notice.
Make a time machine.
Go back in time.
Marry a grown up.
DH also incapable.
But does anybody else do this? DH will find something usually that I have put back where it is supposed to be. On discovering this object he will then put it somewhere else so that he can find it later. He will drape it over the stairs, or put it on the shelf next to the box it was found in. Then when he can't find it and i tell him it's in the place he originally found it, it's gone.
Ahhh are you also married to my dh?? It drives me mad! I've tried ignoring the things that he leaves lying around in the hope that he'll get fed up and realise. It would appear that he's blind to it :-/
I left my X for partly this reason (there were numerous others).
Current BF makes me feel like the untidy one.
My DC are in the process of being "trained." I find that throwing everything out after one warning only works for long periods of time.
I say, "I have told you repeatedly that leaving things around for me to tidy up is treating me like your servant and is very disrespectful. I assume that anything left lying around is unwanted and throw it out like the rubbish you clearly think it is."
It's not yet fool proof (as in I have to say this fairly regularly) but it does prevent me from running around after my DC, particularly once a few favourite toys disappeared. <harsh>
My dh is like this too. My MIL has been upset at times because she's witnessed / overheard me telling my eldest to clear up / put away / think of others when he does the same kind of stuff and reminding him of the extra work he creates for me. She's the same too, though. Has always had cleaners to pick up / tidy after her.
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