Because DH thinks I am and says I'm becoming a busybody. Is he right.

(62 Posts)
mumnosbest Sat 11-Jan-14 19:12:23

This week 2 things have happened that I couldn't just ignore. dH says I should stop being mosey and interfering. I'm more of the opinion that in some situation more people should get involved. What do you think.

The first was in a busy play area. A toddler banged her head, blood everywhere. mum panicked and very young play assistant was shaken up, didn't know what to do and asked another young girl to find help. I calmed mum a bit and suggested the child not be held at arms length nearly upside down (didn't word it like that).

The second was when a young woman was being shoved, threatened and shouted at by her partner in the middle of a busy high street. Nobody stopped despite her looking around, either for help or highly embarrassed. I simply got my phone out and said I would call the police if he didn't take his hands off her. She smiled at me, he yelled at me and everyone else continued to turn a blind eye.

I do usually go months/years without any incident so I'm surely not a busybody am I. Was it BU to get involved or were all the others BU to ignore situations?

Beavie Sat 11-Jan-14 23:31:23

I don't think ywbu. It's an atypical way to behave though, look up the murder of kitty genovese. It's human nature to walk on by, sad though that is.

BrandNewIggi Sat 11-Jan-14 23:31:24

Justgirl - it's called the Bystander Effect.

BrandNewIggi Sat 11-Jan-14 23:33:44

The kindness of strangers is very important, IMO.

BohemianGirl Sat 11-Jan-14 23:35:14

I simply got my phone out and said I would call the police if he didn't take his hands off her. She smiled at me, he yelled at me

Personally, I think you were a bit of a muppet. I'd have just called the police rather than risk a smack in the mouth. I came from the angle of having spoken up at London Bridge Station one night with a couple shoving pushing and screaming, only to have them both turn on me.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sat 11-Jan-14 23:38:07

YANBU. Sometimes there might be special circs, but "If not now, when?"

echt Sat 11-Jan-14 23:44:16

Nice one, BohemianGirl. hmm Your bad experience doesn't justify belittling the OP by name-calling.

AlpacaPicnic Sat 11-Jan-14 23:44:22

I believe it is called the Bystander Effect, but I also read that it is easy to deal with if one person seems to 'take charge' of the situation and allocates tasks personally to people nearby then they are willing to help... I.e. If someone says 'you in the blue coat - call 999, you in the red jumper get some water from that shop'

I suspect it is that people are scared of taking responsibility in case they get it wrong but most people are willing to help if someone tells them what to do.

newyearhere Sat 11-Jan-14 23:45:11

YANBU. Could be a good idea to take a picture on your phone as well to prove anything that was going on.

AlpacaPicnic Sat 11-Jan-14 23:45:14

Oops, cross post with iggi...

YANBU. I'm one of those who usually dives in, as well. Generally, the odds are that someone acting like an arsehole is an arsehole. If it's explained to you that the person has some kind of SN which accounts for it, you can say sorry and walk away.

(Mind you, I have had a bit of a rethink in later years as have had to talk to DS about 'picking your battles.' When he was about 5, he charged at an angry, aggressive drunk who was throwing chairs around and yelled 'Stop that, it's naughty!' I managed to grab him and bolt round the corner before he got hurt but it scared me half to death.)

AnneElliott Sun 12-Jan-14 13:34:40

I agree that you did the right thing. I hate it when everyone walks on past. It happened to me once ( don't want to give details) and I promised myself I would never stand by and watch it happen to someone else.

DH is always having a go at me for doing it, but what if he'd killed her? How could you live with it knowing you could have done something?

GlitzAndGiggles Sun 12-Jan-14 14:22:04

I don't get the point of your first bit but glad you helped in the second situation. I saw a man roughing up a woman at the train station so just called the police and they came and dealt with him

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