Because DH thinks I am and says I'm becoming a busybody. Is he right.

(62 Posts)
mumnosbest Sat 11-Jan-14 19:12:23

This week 2 things have happened that I couldn't just ignore. dH says I should stop being mosey and interfering. I'm more of the opinion that in some situation more people should get involved. What do you think.

The first was in a busy play area. A toddler banged her head, blood everywhere. mum panicked and very young play assistant was shaken up, didn't know what to do and asked another young girl to find help. I calmed mum a bit and suggested the child not be held at arms length nearly upside down (didn't word it like that).

The second was when a young woman was being shoved, threatened and shouted at by her partner in the middle of a busy high street. Nobody stopped despite her looking around, either for help or highly embarrassed. I simply got my phone out and said I would call the police if he didn't take his hands off her. She smiled at me, he yelled at me and everyone else continued to turn a blind eye.

I do usually go months/years without any incident so I'm surely not a busybody am I. Was it BU to get involved or were all the others BU to ignore situations?

Joules68 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:14:35

no ywnbu! well done for not walking on by,more people should be like this

CoffeeTea103 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:14:58

Yanbu, in both situations. When is it ever unreasonable to help someone.

ManualSpaniel Sat 11-Jan-14 19:15:14

YANBU - your DH is.

I would've done the same, and hope if I was in a similar situation someone with some kindness would show it to me.

Bogeyface Sat 11-Jan-14 19:15:17

YANBU, but sadly many people would just walk by on the other side, as the parable says.

People like your DH always think it is someone elses problem, but if we all thought like that then where would we be? As for saying you shouldnt have helped a bleeding toddler and his mum, sorry but that is really shitty. Is he saying that if it had been him with your toddler, he wouldnt have appreciated a calming helping hand?

januarysunsetfire Sat 11-Jan-14 19:15:40

You must KNOW you're not being unreasonable, surely? confused

I would personally have dealt with the latter incident differently but that doesn't mean you were WRONG.

Fairylea Sat 11-Jan-14 19:16:10

I don't think you did any harm in the first situation but the mum was there and two assistants (albeit a bit shaken) were there to help as well.

However, the second one you were definitely right to step in. I wish more people would in that sort of situation.

I think your dh is being a bit arse - ish.

fifi669 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:16:24

I think you did well in both those situations. I'd like to think if do the same although I fear I'd freeze

finallydelurking Sat 11-Jan-14 19:18:08

YADNBU! I would and have done exactly the same smile your DH holds similar viewpoints to my teenagers!

mumnosbest Sat 11-Jan-14 19:18:35

My point exactly. Just amazed how many people, including big blokes won't help. I don't think I'd sleep if I didn't stop (though I was terrified the man was going to start on me too. I'm not exactly tough or even very tall smile

Boreoff456 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:19:10

Yanbu but neither is he.

First situation totally understand why you got involved. Your dh is bu.

Second situation, my own dh attempted the same thing a while a go. He got punched by the bloke then also by the woman being ' abused'. So I understand why your dh is wary. Personally I would call the police straight away.

fuzzywuzzy Sat 11-Jan-14 19:19:54

People like you give me back a bit of faith in humanity.

I definitely don't think YWBU in either of those scenarios, you calmed a situation down in one instance when it was very needed and stopped an abusive wanker in the second. Good for you, I hope I'd have the courage to do the same.

My neighbour once went out in the middle of the night when a young couple were having fight in the middle of our street, the young lad wouldn't let his girlfriend go, she read him the riot act and told the girl to go home and stood waiting with the boy to ensure the girl got away safely.

You'r DH is maybe worried for your safety (in the second instance), but what's his problem with the first?

firesidechat Sat 11-Jan-14 19:22:31

Well if you're a busy body then so am I, so YANBU.

KitsVegetable Sat 11-Jan-14 19:22:42

Thing is with the second situation do you actualy think that guy is going to think, Oh that woman in the street told me off, I better stop taking my frustrations/shame/anger out on my partner. Or do you think she'll just get an extra heap of bollocking later because of you.

I'm not saying you were wrong to do what you did but it isn't a simple solution.

justgirl Sat 11-Jan-14 19:31:08

I'm the same as you a have even been known to "fight" the battles of complete strangers who aren't standing up for themselves/what's right. It annoys my dp but a the same time he fully understands why and admires me for it but I guess it is a worry, one day it will be the wrong person and I'll probably get a bollocking but is sooner speak up then read a news headline a while later knowing I didn't intervene.

mumnosbest Sat 11-Jan-14 19:34:27

There was only 1 assistant in the 1st. Another one came but it was a big place so took a while. dH felt they would have a first wider there so should have stayed away. Mine was that as a mum, teacher and first wider I could see what they needed to do and I left when a first wider arrived.

I did cross the road away from the fighting couple so I put enough distance between me and the man to be safe. I know he'll do it again if that's what their relationship is like but couldn't walk away, especially after eye contact with the poor girl. She looked so helpless.

mumnosbest Sat 11-Jan-14 19:35:17

So true just girl

januarysunsetfire Sat 11-Jan-14 19:35:40

Well - I do see what you mean, just but sometimes fighting other people's battles can risk making matters worse and yes, coming across as something of a busybody.

I don't mean to suggest walking by and ignoring a situation is the right thing to do - it isn't - but on the other hand it is sometimes worth considering that firstly you DON'T know "the whole picture" and secondly that wading in may well make things worse.

Bogeyface Sat 11-Jan-14 19:35:59

Kits that crossed my mind too, but there is a different POV that perhaps the OP stepping in made it crystal clear to the girl that actually he WAS in the wrong (despite him probably telling her that whatever the issue was was her fault) and that if a complete stranger is willing to call the police for her, perhaps she shouldnt be with him.

Fairylea Sat 11-Jan-14 19:39:26

Bogeyface that's exactly what I think too.

addictedtosugar Sat 11-Jan-14 19:41:28

Don't know what I'd have done in the second situation.

When it was me in the first (at a library group), I handed over a wedge of tissues, a packet of baby wipes and my mini first aid kit (antiseptic wipes and plasters), and then gave them space. I never saw her at that group again, but our paths crossed 6 months or so afterwards, and she came over and said thank-you.

coco44 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:42:53

I calmed mum a bit and suggested the child not be held at arms length nearly upside down
Oh I bet she never thought of that after her child had bashed her head and there was blood everywhere.What a good job you came along.I bet she was so pleased bloody know-it-all Captain Obvious

Bogeyface Sat 11-Jan-14 19:44:42

Time of the month Coco?

Bettercallsaul1 Sat 11-Jan-14 19:46:27

I think you were right to stop in, in both incidents, and positively courageous in the second one.

Good for you, OP. If this is the definition of being a busybody, then the world needs more busybodies.

januarysunsetfire Sat 11-Jan-14 19:46:33

It does come back to not knowing the circumstances, though.

I have a brother, and we look nothing alike so it would be easy to assume we were boyfriend/girlfriend. He was upset about something one day I was with him and started ranting on and gesticulating wildly and getting 'physical' with me - grabbing my arm, pulling me and so on. (He has Asperger's.)

If someone had said, "Hey careful mate, I think you're hurting her!" in a shocked voice he'd have been repentant, but someone did more or less what the OP did and as a result he became very defensive and appeared more and more aggressive although in fact he was just getting wound up and upset.

I think it's a hard one as so many times I have been a bit annoyed by well-meaning strangers! I fainted once and was surrounded by kindness, which was very sweet but after a while I felt obliged to get up and walk away even though I felt like I needed to stay put for a moment or two just to get my breath. My Dad had a fall once and so many people yelled "OOO-OO-OOOHHH!" and rushed to him - he was absolutely fine but embarrassed.

Obviously I'm not saying anyone was wrong to help me when I fainted or my Dad when he fell but I do think some people get a bit addicted to the drama of it and enjoy seeing themselves as the hero who darted in and saved the day. It is very sweet, don't get me wrong, I thought they were nice but at the same time found myself thinking, "oh do go away now!" grin

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