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in wanting my unreasonableness accommodated?(159 Posts)
I know I'm being unreasonable but given the circumstances want this to be accommodated. AIBU?
I live abroad and get to travel home once a year. Last year I didn't as I was heavily pregnant so when I go in a few weeks it will be the first time I've seen my parents for 2 years and the first time any of my family have met my son.
I normally stay with my parents. My sister lives nearby and visits them several times a week with her 4 kids and their large, friendly bouncy dog. I want my sister to leave her dog at her house for the week I'm staying. My sister is throwing a strop and refusing to do this and my parents are saying they don't want to get drawn in, which feels like they're prioritising the dog over their grandson.
I know AIBU however in my defence 2 months ago DS (then 5 months old) was attacked by my fuckwitted ex friends dog. Thankfully he wasn't seriously hurt and his face has almost completely healed now and he seems to be completely over it. Unfortunately I am still totally traumatised. I can feel a panic attack coming on just writing this. I know it wasn't my sister's dog, I know it's unfair to punish him for this other dog's behaviour but I can't stay with DS in a house where there is a dog running free. I just can't. In fact I think I'd rather just cancel and not go at all.
So flame away. I'm being PFB aren't I?
m sorry your trip has been canceled. It possibly is for the best.
My parents have a vile collie who bites children and adults he sees as lower than him. I do take my ds to stay at their house but if he comes into the room a shout get away very loudly at him and stamp my foot, the vile dog is now terrified of me and ds and that is the way I want it.
I hope your anxieties around dogs lessens over time.
I have anxieties around my ds's health after he was really ill with rs virus as a tiny baby. If someone came to visit with a cold I'd really panic, I know it is illogical but I can't help it. I have an appointment to talk about my anxieties next week, I wish I had done it sooner!
So sorry to hear they won't be reasoned with. IMO as the sister and parents don't see the dog could be a risk then its more a risk.
IMO as the sister and parents don't see the dog could be a risk then its more a risk.
Totally agree with this, and I say that as a dog owner and lover.
Children & dogs are a great combination, but it does need to be managed & handled appropriately. A big dog charging in unannounced is not acceptable with a new child in the house it has never met. No way, no how & it drives me mad that some people can't see that. It is always the children & dog who suffer as a result of lax & lazy management.
OP - you are right not to go - just not worth the risk when you can't trust the adults to show a bit of sense.
OP 'So now I'm the devil incarnate for upsetting my mum and my sister has been screaming at me down the phone that I'm never welcome there again.'
Your Mum has only herself to blame..it is her house, her rules, so her fault she could not accommodate your totally rational fear and damage limitation approach. YANBU...they sound toxic.
Have you got photos of your baby's injuries because I really think they don't realise the extent of what happened.
How could any Grandmother knowing her grandchild had been recently attacked by a 'family dog' on seeing a photo not also want to minimise future trauma which she could so easily do if she chose to do so. Was she so lax about child safety when she parented you?
Sprout how awful
So sorry. I think they are being really bad about this.
I would write your parents a letter telling them how upset you are, telling them what you said to us at 0050 this morning and enclose pics of your baby's injuries . Say that in time you may be calm enough to see your s dog as part if the family but fit now you just wanted to introduce your baby to his grandparents in an atmosphere that helped you get over the terrible shock you have had. And that you feel let down .
And refuse to communicate with your s at all.
I feel heartbroken for you. so pleased you have a solid and loving DH . Take care and I hope your baby gets better and better.
I think that's a good idea, and if they say again that they don't want to be taking sides, point out that they already have. It's quite clear where their loyalties lie - with your sister.
I always put the dog in another room when babies/ toddlers visit my own home never mind taking him to visit other peoples home. In the same way he is put on a lead when meeting people. He has never been aggressive but he is an animal.
OP I'm sorry.
You offered countless compromises and almost all included the dog STILL being there, you just wanted warning and some consideration.
This is entirely on them. Don't let them feel like you did anything wrong, you didn't. They may not have chosen your sister over you, but they did choose not to listen or care about your fears and take them seriously.
This is their loss.
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