to think my friend is a smug and moody?

(35 Posts)
giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:03:29

She is younger than me, we met on a counselling course (!) and she in some ways is a good friend. In other ways she is very know it all about things. And very keen to share the way SHE would do things differently to me despite never having any experience.

eg she always says "I don't do being ill" which I always feel is a dig at my brittle lung condition. I have to go to GP/hospital appointments very often and she also says she hates Drs and "I just wouldn't go" - well you would if you couldn't breathe!

Anyway last night she hung up on me because she was trying to tell me what to do about a situation - I hadn't asked for advice! And she refused to back down. I attend distance learning through Leeds uni once every 6 weeks at an Edinburgh hospital - I live in Glasgow. (Are you confused yet?) It is very intense - 9am-7pm on Friday, 9-5 Saturday and 9-4 Sunday. The rest of the time around these dates I am working full time. Last time I had to go for the weekend I stayed in a B&B and it made things so much easier as driving from Glasgow-EDinburgh in rush hour is no fun! Also the days are physically and emotionally exhausting.

On a normal day I do need to make sure I have time to rest and sleep so my lung condition is very variable. Last time despite staying in the B&B I ended up at Edinburgh OOH one night for additional treatment for lungs - if I hadn't been staying I wouldn't have been able to continue the course.

Friend is telling me I should be driving through and back every day as it "only takes 40 minutes" - well no that depends heavily on WHERE in each city you are going from/to and also on the traffic/road closures etc. And actually the petrol costs of commuting are only slightly less than the B&B costs.

By the second weekend of the course everyone was staying in B&Bs as it is just so draining and full on. Even the most physically fit people decided to stay over.

Friend ended up being so pissed off that I wasn't willing to drive each day, as per her recommendation that she said "Well I am going to bed now and hanging up" and she hung up. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I hadn't asked for any advice at all!

BlingBang Sat 11-Jan-14 22:58:56

You choose to be her friend, do you actually like her?

DroothyNeebor Sat 11-Jan-14 22:56:46

I take it she's never driven Glasgow to Edinburgh, or even done the commute on the train.
40 mins?!!! - she's havering

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Sat 11-Jan-14 22:55:44

Did you say that her mum tries to rule her life, in the same way she does yours.

If thats so, then shes trying to control yours because she has no control of her own.

My friend has an overbearing mother and in turn is quite overbearing herself.

Its basically passing the behaviour on. I'd learn to ignore it or back away completely.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 22:32:08

You're lucky you don't have to - I LOVE it!

She has told me before "I just wouldn't go"...right well I got brought in via ambulance and was in resus

newyearhere Sat 11-Jan-14 20:22:53

Two things to say to her:

1) Regarding the travel or anything similar that comes up "It's not a competition and I can decide for myself thanks"

2) When she says "I don't do being ill" reply "You're lucky you don't have to"

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 20:21:44

I think whether you want to or should do the commute is irrelevant.
She sounds too much of an ignorant pain to bother with.
I do find myself wondering if anyone has ever challenged her behaviour though.

Andanotherthing123 Sat 11-Jan-14 20:16:16

Bin her, she sounds rubbish. Anyone who can tell someone with an on going health problem they 'don't do illness' is too ridiculous to bother with.

Objection Sat 11-Jan-14 20:09:13

I've changed my mind with the added info.

she sounds like a nutter. avoid.

littleblackno Sat 11-Jan-14 18:46:38

I used to have a friend like this she was a total pita. She used to give me parenting advice, her qualifications for this?.... the married man she was shagging at the time had kids confused
Fortunately she lives some distance away and I contact her occasionally but on my terms, when I feel able to deal with her. I realise that sounds terrible of me but she can be lovely and we have some great times but her last visit to me was such hard work I decided it needed to be on my terms or not at all.

tabulahrasa Sat 11-Jan-14 18:42:06

Yep - or just traffic in general, sometimes the M8 just grinds to a halt for no particular reason.

I wouldn't want to do that commute if I didn't have to and I don't have a health condition.

ENormaSnob Sat 11-Jan-14 18:37:32

Thick as fuck and pig ignorant to boit.

Get rid asap.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:37:15

tabula yes we went to that far centre Almond valley is it? In livingston and from where we are in Glasgow it took about 40min at least on way there and loads longer on way back as was a crash - as there often is at some point. Or road works - very common again!

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:36:27

I'm actually struggling with the idea that someone can be a good counsellor while having so little self awareness with their peers.

In any case she sounds a royal pain to have as a friend though it's interesting that you say her mother talks to her like this.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:35:27

Yes she likes telling me/people what to do. With regards to the example I gave - first weekend I drove up and down daily - I was exhausted. As were the other on the course who drove. Second weekend I stayed in B&B - it was so much easier and felt I could concentrate more, less stress etc.

So it is not like I haven't tried her idea - I did and it didn't work for me.

She's a muppet.

tabulahrasa Sat 11-Jan-14 18:34:52

She sounds like a complete PITA

And...it takes me 45 minutes to drive to Glasgow and 30 to Edinburgh from near Livingston, without traffic - so she's wrong anyway.

Whatisaweekend Sat 11-Jan-14 18:32:56

She sounds pig ignorant (calling you a weirdo for going for regular smears?! Ffs.). Ditch. Life is tooooo short.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:32:43

* no issue not no idea!

minniebar Sat 11-Jan-14 18:31:13

She's not your friend.

And IME, several people on counselling training courses are there for misguided reasons - she sounds like she thinks counselling is about telling people what to do.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:30:31

Yes ilovesooty that's what I think too. I have no idea explaining why I am doing something or discussing options. But being told what to do is not on.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Sat 11-Jan-14 18:29:46

Hi giraffes.
Never mind people saying you shouldn't be so bothered about her, she shouldn't be so adamant about how you run your life. If she wasn't, you wouldn't be bothered.
Her behaviour is bizarre, and my inclination would be to laugh and tell her she's being daft. Actually, I'd tell her to fuck off but you're too nice to do that

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:28:42

As I said I have distanced myself from her a lot. Funnily enough from what I remember she was a very good counsellor - it is relationships with peers she seems to struggle with. Very critical of everyones choices and always wants to tell them the best way of doing it.

I do think I need to distance myself even more from her.

Am doing an MA.

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:27:20

She is out of order for foisting her unsolicited opinions on you, but perhaps you would be happier making the distance between you wider and permanent. Only you can know that of course.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:24:17

I don't really invest much in her, she phoned last night and I was just chatting about stuff - my MA is one of the few things left I speak to her about.

I do not mention health as she fails to understand that my condition can't be 100% controlled.

I do not mention my relationship as she says all men are "losers".

I distanced my self from her a lot in the last few years but we can have a good laugh sometimes - but every so often an issue like this will come up.

Previous example was I couldn't meet her for a coffee as I had a smear test - she said she would never go for one ever as they sound awful. I said well I don't enjoy them but they are necessary so I go. And she said I am a "weirdo".

MerylStrop Sat 11-Jan-14 18:24:08

Why does she even have a view on how you attend college? Why are you even discussing it? Why is she so bothered?

(unless she needs a lift herself, or wants you to go out with her that evening)

Very confusing.

I'd let it be water off a ducks back tbh, if she can get so upset about something so utterly irrelevant to her it's drama for the sake of drama, don't feed it.

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