to think my friend is a smug and moody?

(35 Posts)
giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:03:29

She is younger than me, we met on a counselling course (!) and she in some ways is a good friend. In other ways she is very know it all about things. And very keen to share the way SHE would do things differently to me despite never having any experience.

eg she always says "I don't do being ill" which I always feel is a dig at my brittle lung condition. I have to go to GP/hospital appointments very often and she also says she hates Drs and "I just wouldn't go" - well you would if you couldn't breathe!

Anyway last night she hung up on me because she was trying to tell me what to do about a situation - I hadn't asked for advice! And she refused to back down. I attend distance learning through Leeds uni once every 6 weeks at an Edinburgh hospital - I live in Glasgow. (Are you confused yet?) It is very intense - 9am-7pm on Friday, 9-5 Saturday and 9-4 Sunday. The rest of the time around these dates I am working full time. Last time I had to go for the weekend I stayed in a B&B and it made things so much easier as driving from Glasgow-EDinburgh in rush hour is no fun! Also the days are physically and emotionally exhausting.

On a normal day I do need to make sure I have time to rest and sleep so my lung condition is very variable. Last time despite staying in the B&B I ended up at Edinburgh OOH one night for additional treatment for lungs - if I hadn't been staying I wouldn't have been able to continue the course.

Friend is telling me I should be driving through and back every day as it "only takes 40 minutes" - well no that depends heavily on WHERE in each city you are going from/to and also on the traffic/road closures etc. And actually the petrol costs of commuting are only slightly less than the B&B costs.

By the second weekend of the course everyone was staying in B&Bs as it is just so draining and full on. Even the most physically fit people decided to stay over.

Friend ended up being so pissed off that I wasn't willing to drive each day, as per her recommendation that she said "Well I am going to bed now and hanging up" and she hung up. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I hadn't asked for any advice at all!

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:12:28

Why does she bother you so much? Perhaps you could explore this in your counselling group. I'm being quite serious here.

Surely you look after your own well being and that is all there is to it. What she thinks isn't remotely important.

Objection Sat 11-Jan-14 18:15:48

It depends on the context (the previous comments) and the tone of the phone conversation.
you may have been refusing to even listen to her suggestions so she got fustrated? there's not enough info to say either way.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:16:01

She doesn't bother me - i will do what I want and I don't care what she wants me to do. I find her frustrating as she will tell me what to do - I am an adult I don't need told.

I have heard her Mum talk to her - she speaks to her the way friend speaks to me.

I don't go to a counselling group?!

mummydarkling Sat 11-Jan-14 18:16:06

YANBU perhaps one day she will understand having a chronic condition better. I do worry about her working as a counsellor. I have two psychologists in the family and they two of the most un self aware people you could ever meet.

Please relax and breathe, you are captain of your own destiny. That is my unsolicited advice smile

Objection Sat 11-Jan-14 18:16:33

It's highly unusual for someone to get pissed off just because their suggestion wasn't taken ip

CoffeeTea103 Sat 11-Jan-14 18:16:53

Why do you invest so much energy in this person. You can see what an unreasonable person she is by your post, so why do you even go to the pains of justifying yourself.
You need to have more confidence in your decisions.

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:20:06

Sorry I must have misunderstood.I assumed the distance learning you mentioned was counselling.

mummydarkling Sat 11-Jan-14 18:21:28

YANBU perhaps one day she will understand having a chronic condition better. I do worry about her working as a counsellor. I have two psychologists in the family and they two of the most un self aware people you could ever meet.

Please relax and breathe, you are captain of your own destiny. That is my unsolicited advice smile

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:23:59

I hope the counselling course you did with her was only a low level one and not one which granted readiness to practise.

MerylStrop Sat 11-Jan-14 18:24:08

Why does she even have a view on how you attend college? Why are you even discussing it? Why is she so bothered?

(unless she needs a lift herself, or wants you to go out with her that evening)

Very confusing.

I'd let it be water off a ducks back tbh, if she can get so upset about something so utterly irrelevant to her it's drama for the sake of drama, don't feed it.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:24:17

I don't really invest much in her, she phoned last night and I was just chatting about stuff - my MA is one of the few things left I speak to her about.

I do not mention health as she fails to understand that my condition can't be 100% controlled.

I do not mention my relationship as she says all men are "losers".

I distanced my self from her a lot in the last few years but we can have a good laugh sometimes - but every so often an issue like this will come up.

Previous example was I couldn't meet her for a coffee as I had a smear test - she said she would never go for one ever as they sound awful. I said well I don't enjoy them but they are necessary so I go. And she said I am a "weirdo".

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:27:20

She is out of order for foisting her unsolicited opinions on you, but perhaps you would be happier making the distance between you wider and permanent. Only you can know that of course.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:28:42

As I said I have distanced myself from her a lot. Funnily enough from what I remember she was a very good counsellor - it is relationships with peers she seems to struggle with. Very critical of everyones choices and always wants to tell them the best way of doing it.

I do think I need to distance myself even more from her.

Am doing an MA.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Sat 11-Jan-14 18:29:46

Hi giraffes.
Never mind people saying you shouldn't be so bothered about her, she shouldn't be so adamant about how you run your life. If she wasn't, you wouldn't be bothered.
Her behaviour is bizarre, and my inclination would be to laugh and tell her she's being daft. Actually, I'd tell her to fuck off but you're too nice to do that

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:30:31

Yes ilovesooty that's what I think too. I have no idea explaining why I am doing something or discussing options. But being told what to do is not on.

minniebar Sat 11-Jan-14 18:31:13

She's not your friend.

And IME, several people on counselling training courses are there for misguided reasons - she sounds like she thinks counselling is about telling people what to do.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:32:43

* no issue not no idea!

Whatisaweekend Sat 11-Jan-14 18:32:56

She sounds pig ignorant (calling you a weirdo for going for regular smears?! Ffs.). Ditch. Life is tooooo short.

tabulahrasa Sat 11-Jan-14 18:34:52

She sounds like a complete PITA

And...it takes me 45 minutes to drive to Glasgow and 30 to Edinburgh from near Livingston, without traffic - so she's wrong anyway.

She's a muppet.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:35:27

Yes she likes telling me/people what to do. With regards to the example I gave - first weekend I drove up and down daily - I was exhausted. As were the other on the course who drove. Second weekend I stayed in B&B - it was so much easier and felt I could concentrate more, less stress etc.

So it is not like I haven't tried her idea - I did and it didn't work for me.

ilovesooty Sat 11-Jan-14 18:36:27

I'm actually struggling with the idea that someone can be a good counsellor while having so little self awareness with their peers.

In any case she sounds a royal pain to have as a friend though it's interesting that you say her mother talks to her like this.

giraffesCantMakeResolutions Sat 11-Jan-14 18:37:15

tabula yes we went to that far centre Almond valley is it? In livingston and from where we are in Glasgow it took about 40min at least on way there and loads longer on way back as was a crash - as there often is at some point. Or road works - very common again!

ENormaSnob Sat 11-Jan-14 18:37:32

Thick as fuck and pig ignorant to boit.

Get rid asap.

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