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to expect dsis to clean a bit

(28 Posts)
GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 15:32:37

My dsis looks after my dd twice a week whilst I'm at work. I pay her £20 for each day. I know that's not a lot but it's all I can really afford. My dp refuses to contribute towards paying her because he says she's family yet refuses to pay for a nursery or find alternative childcare. In terms of caring for dd she's brilliant and I couldn't ask for someone better but it would be nice to come home to a clean place. Understandably there's toys everywhere because she has a DS who also comes when she's babysitting when he's not at nursery. But if she's cooked for the kids she leaves a mess all in the kitchen. A one off I could deal with but it's everytime she's here. When I got in there was onion skin and bits of garlic just left on the side along with tomato sauce splattered all over the units and hob. Also if drinks have been spilt they get left to dry or have a cloth thrown on them. Same if it happens on the sofa and I've asked her why she hasn't wiped with a wet cloth, she says because it will dry. Yes it will dry and it will also be sticky and ruin the fabric. She also calls mobiles off the house phone and refuses to pay for the calls. Last month she made £11 worth of calls but refused to pay it. If she has a bath or shower she leaves towels lying on my carpet and the bathroom a mess. When I try and speak to her calmly she shouts and throws things at me and calls me bipolar confused. I know I sound ungrateful for her childcare but

Objection Sat 11-Jan-14 16:36:37

You need to sort out a joint finance solution. A simple (but perhaps not comprehensive) answer is to get a joint account and each put a set amount in each week (either an equal amount or a % of your income). this can then be your expenses pot to be used for bills such as childcare

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sat 11-Jan-14 16:17:51

This is only going to get worse.

I'm not paying for school lunches, or I am not paying for new shoes or I am not paying for school trips and the list goes on.

GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 16:15:03

FortyDoors because as she says she's not the one paying for it but when I bring it up dp tells me to stop kicking off

GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 16:13:56

Fairylea I'm considering it!

Fairylea Sat 11-Jan-14 16:08:51

Your dp sounds horrid. Your dsis sounds horrid.

Leave them to it and be a single parent? - you'd get more help with childcare costs!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sat 11-Jan-14 16:07:22

Why does she bath/shoe at your house that is bazzar.

Your 'd'h sounds like knobhead

Tobagostreet Sat 11-Jan-14 16:06:24

YANBU to expect her to clean up her own mess (and pay for her own phone calls!).

You sound quite unsupported by both your DP and DSis. Have athanks.

Find alternative Childcare and tell DP that the cost is not optional. Present him with his half of the bill weekly/monthly.

It's a horrible situation for you to be in. Take positive action to gain control of it.

Good luck!

Topaz25 Sat 11-Jan-14 16:03:03

You need to have a sit down with your partner and ask exactly what he suggests. He doesn't want you to leave work, he presumably won't/can't leave work, he doesn't want to contribute to a childminder, he doesn't want to contribute to paying your sister for childcare (and that arrangement is untenable anyway, she sounds unstable!) What exactly does he want? Surely he has to see you're running out of options!

ImperialBlether Sat 11-Jan-14 15:59:23

OP, why are you with a man who won't contribute towards childcare for his own child?

FannyFifer Sat 11-Jan-14 15:56:07

*that

FannyFifer Sat 11-Jan-14 15:55:38

Yet you know of.

GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 15:54:13

She's never hit my dd or her own child btw

GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 15:53:17

We're not married. We don't have a joint account if we did I'd go for a nursery

FannyFifer Sat 11-Jan-14 15:51:39

You are leaving a person who throws things at you in charge of your child? Think she manages to control temper round your little one, doubt it.

Your husband is an arsehole, do you not have joint access to money?

Find a proper childminder, and sort the money situation with your husband.

GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 15:50:49

I know it's below minimum but it's all I can afford as he won't contribute. I've suggested a nursery to him before and that we both pay half for each day but he moaned about cost. We discussed all this when I was pregnant and he agreed to it and then said his mum would have dd twice a week which never happened. Argh I'm just sick of it all

SaucyJack Sat 11-Jan-14 15:49:51

He's not "an idiot". He's financially abusive. Don't blame your sister for not picking up the slack.

BrownSauceSandwich Sat 11-Jan-14 15:47:56

Wow. This sounds like a complete disaster. Your partner refuses to contribute to childcare? So you leave your daughter with someone who's kind of violent? And you pay her way below minimum wage, but you think she's not even earning that?

Sort out some proper childcare, and tell your partner that his income, as well as yours, is a family resource.

YY you have bigger problems than your sister.

Your DP is an arse.

GlitzAndGiggles Sat 11-Jan-14 15:46:54

He is the father yes and would kick off if I came out of work. He's just an idiot when it comes to this it drives me mad. I will look into a childminder I live in London so imagine it will cost a fair bit sad

ghostinthecanvas Sat 11-Jan-14 15:46:30

Just read she has a bath or a shower too???? Get rid. She sounds a bit bonkers really.

SaucyJack Sat 11-Jan-14 15:45:55

Pay peanuts- you get monkeys.

Bunbaker Sat 11-Jan-14 15:44:24

And why doesn't your partner want to share childcare costs? Is he not the father? Or doesn't he want you to work?

ghostinthecanvas Sat 11-Jan-14 15:44:18

By the time you add up what she costs you are better paying a childminder. You are feeding her and her son too. Bugger that. The real issue is with your DH though. What does he suggest you both do for childcare if he doesn't want to pay for nursery or childcare?

Objection Sat 11-Jan-14 15:42:49

agree with chipped!

she sounds like a nightmare.
I agree with the childminder option. They are £4 per hour per child in my area

Chippednailvarnish Sat 11-Jan-14 15:38:56

Your DH and DS sound well suited.

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