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AIBU?

to expect dsis to clean a bit

27 replies

GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 15:32

My dsis looks after my dd twice a week whilst I'm at work. I pay her £20 for each day. I know that's not a lot but it's all I can really afford. My dp refuses to contribute towards paying her because he says she's family yet refuses to pay for a nursery or find alternative childcare. In terms of caring for dd she's brilliant and I couldn't ask for someone better but it would be nice to come home to a clean place. Understandably there's toys everywhere because she has a DS who also comes when she's babysitting when he's not at nursery. But if she's cooked for the kids she leaves a mess all in the kitchen. A one off I could deal with but it's everytime she's here. When I got in there was onion skin and bits of garlic just left on the side along with tomato sauce splattered all over the units and hob. Also if drinks have been spilt they get left to dry or have a cloth thrown on them. Same if it happens on the sofa and I've asked her why she hasn't wiped with a wet cloth, she says because it will dry. Yes it will dry and it will also be sticky and ruin the fabric. She also calls mobiles off the house phone and refuses to pay for the calls. Last month she made £11 worth of calls but refused to pay it. If she has a bath or shower she leaves towels lying on my carpet and the bathroom a mess. When I try and speak to her calmly she shouts and throws things at me and calls me bipolar Confused. I know I sound ungrateful for her childcare but

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rubyslippers · 11/01/2014 15:37

She throws stuff at you?!

your partner who won't share childcare costs sounds a million times worse

Whole situation sounds untenable

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Bunbaker · 11/01/2014 15:38

I agree. Can you find a childminder instead?

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Chippednailvarnish · 11/01/2014 15:38

Your DH and DS sound well suited.

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Objection · 11/01/2014 15:42

agree with chipped!

she sounds like a nightmare.
I agree with the childminder option. They are £4 per hour per child in my area

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ghostinthecanvas · 11/01/2014 15:44

By the time you add up what she costs you are better paying a childminder. You are feeding her and her son too. Bugger that. The real issue is with your DH though. What does he suggest you both do for childcare if he doesn't want to pay for nursery or childcare?

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Bunbaker · 11/01/2014 15:44

And why doesn't your partner want to share childcare costs? Is he not the father? Or doesn't he want you to work?

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SaucyJack · 11/01/2014 15:45

Pay peanuts- you get monkeys.

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ghostinthecanvas · 11/01/2014 15:46

Just read she has a bath or a shower too???? Get rid. She sounds a bit bonkers really.

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GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 15:46

He is the father yes and would kick off if I came out of work. He's just an idiot when it comes to this it drives me mad. I will look into a childminder I live in London so imagine it will cost a fair bit :(

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RestingActress · 11/01/2014 15:47

YY you have bigger problems than your sister.

Your DP is an arse.

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BrownSauceSandwich · 11/01/2014 15:47

Wow. This sounds like a complete disaster. Your partner refuses to contribute to childcare? So you leave your daughter with someone who's kind of violent? And you pay her way below minimum wage, but you think she's not even earning that?

Sort out some proper childcare, and tell your partner that his income, as well as yours, is a family resource.

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SaucyJack · 11/01/2014 15:49

He's not "an idiot". He's financially abusive. Don't blame your sister for not picking up the slack.

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GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 15:50

I know it's below minimum but it's all I can afford as he won't contribute. I've suggested a nursery to him before and that we both pay half for each day but he moaned about cost. We discussed all this when I was pregnant and he agreed to it and then said his mum would have dd twice a week which never happened. Argh I'm just sick of it all

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FannyFifer · 11/01/2014 15:51

You are leaving a person who throws things at you in charge of your child? Think she manages to control temper round your little one, doubt it.

Your husband is an arsehole, do you not have joint access to money?

Find a proper childminder, and sort the money situation with your husband.

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GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 15:53

We're not married. We don't have a joint account if we did I'd go for a nursery

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GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 15:54

She's never hit my dd or her own child btw

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FannyFifer · 11/01/2014 15:55

Yet you know of.

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FannyFifer · 11/01/2014 15:56

*that

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ImperialBlether · 11/01/2014 15:59

OP, why are you with a man who won't contribute towards childcare for his own child?

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Topaz25 · 11/01/2014 16:03

You need to have a sit down with your partner and ask exactly what he suggests. He doesn't want you to leave work, he presumably won't/can't leave work, he doesn't want to contribute to a childminder, he doesn't want to contribute to paying your sister for childcare (and that arrangement is untenable anyway, she sounds unstable!) What exactly does he want? Surely he has to see you're running out of options!

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Tobagostreet · 11/01/2014 16:06

YANBU to expect her to clean up her own mess (and pay for her own phone calls!).

You sound quite unsupported by both your DP and DSis. Have aThanks.

Find alternative Childcare and tell DP that the cost is not optional. Present him with his half of the bill weekly/monthly.

It's a horrible situation for you to be in. Take positive action to gain control of it.

Good luck!

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FortyDoorsToNowhere · 11/01/2014 16:07

Why does she bath/shoe at your house that is bazzar.

Your 'd'h sounds like knobhead

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Fairylea · 11/01/2014 16:08

Your dp sounds horrid. Your dsis sounds horrid.

Leave them to it and be a single parent? - you'd get more help with childcare costs!

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GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 16:13

Fairylea I'm considering it!

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GlitzAndGiggles · 11/01/2014 16:15

FortyDoors because as she says she's not the one paying for it but when I bring it up dp tells me to stop kicking off

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