to not want the OW at my child's football match?

(264 Posts)
Yogagirl17 Thu 09-Jan-14 20:41:17

Am I within my rights to tell XH that he has no fucking right to bring OW to our DC's football match? I would like to watch my son play football and don't think I should have to set eyes on her skanky face in order to do it?

VoyageDeVerity Sun 12-Jan-14 22:53:33

I think you have made it look to your ex and his new partner, that you are very jealous and emotional about the split.

You should have gritted your teeth and held your head up and got on with the day. It would have made you seem strong. I think saying to him in so many words that you can't cope with seeing them makes you look v weak. Definitely don't do it again if this comes up another time.

Lilacroses Sun 12-Jan-14 22:53:49

Take care op, it sounds like you've had a bloody awful time. It is so horrible when you are trying to be the bigger person all the flipping time and your ex keeps being an inconsiderate sod. My ex (who had cheated on me several times) moved her new dp to the same town we both live in and then asked me to get her work at my school!!!!

Yogagirl17 Sun 12-Jan-14 23:03:53

I'm not jealous, I'm just finding it hard to cope with them all playing happy families - it's not the same thing. And you know what? I didn't feel strong enough to face them this weekend. Maybe it made me seem weak. So be it.

Lila wow, unbelievable the cheek of some people! My XH moved OW & her DCs to 1/2 mile up the road from me but wouldn't dare ask me to so much as recommend a hairdresser for her much less get her a job! Really, the fucking nerve of some assholes.

Oh - and just in case anyone hasn't heard of Breaking Bad, the crack about the meth dealer was a joke.

If someone posted 'I left my partner because I was unhappy and now s/he is giving me all kinds of shit and insisting that I can't be seen in public with my new partner' then the responses would generally be 'tell him/her to get over it and fuck off.'

Yes, sometimes a DC's other parent will take up with someone who is horrible/abusive/dangerous, but the OP here hasn't posted anything to suggest that her XP's new partner is a drug-dealing, kitty-strangling, blood drinking maniac - just someone who the XP chose over the OP. And the more people get unreaasonable and vengeful over the simple fact of being dumped, the harder it is for people who have genuine concerns over a co-parent's new partner to get taken seriously. which, again, is not good for any DC caught up in the situation.

If someone posted 'I left my partner because I was unhappy and now s/he is giving me all kinds of shit and insisting that I can't be seen in public with my new partner' then the responses would generally be 'tell him/her to get over it and fuck off.'

Yes, sometimes a DC's other parent will take up with someone who is horrible/abusive/dangerous, but the OP here hasn't posted anything to suggest that her XP's new partner is a drug-dealing, kitty-strangling, blood drinking maniac - just someone who the XP chose over the OP. And the more people get unreaasonable and vengeful over the simple fact of being dumped, the harder it is for people who have genuine concerns over a co-parent's new partner to get taken seriously. which, again, is not good for any DC caught up in the situation.

If someone posted 'I left my partner because I was unhappy and now s/he is giving me all kinds of shit and insisting that I can't be seen in public with my new partner' then the responses would generally be 'tell him/her to get over it and fuck off.'

Yes, sometimes a DC's other parent will take up with someone who is horrible/abusive/dangerous, but the OP here hasn't posted anything to suggest that her XP's new partner is a drug-dealing, kitty-strangling, blood drinking maniac - just someone who the XP chose over the OP. And the more people get unreaasonable and vengeful over the simple fact of being dumped, the harder it is for people who have genuine concerns over a co-parent's new partner to get taken seriously. which, again, is not good for any DC caught up in the situation.

Yogagirl17 Sun 12-Jan-14 23:30:40

Whatever solid im sorry my problems don't meet your criteria.

BlingBang Sun 12-Jan-14 23:38:06

SGB - that's not really the case here and you know it. Think it's perfectly reasonable for the OP to speak to her ex about this as she is really struggling and to ask for some consideration so this kind of thing can be managed and eased into a bit more considerately.

We know you have brass balls and think everyone should just be able to deal with things like you can but the Op is just not ready or feels strong enough yet. She actually sounds like she is dealing with it, not some self obsessed spiteful bitch but just someone who is legitimately hurting and trying to deal with it best she can.

Think folk have been really inconsiderate on this thread.

Lilacroses Sun 12-Jan-14 23:56:40

I have a friend who tells me she hates her ex after 15 years and only wants him and his ow to be unhappy. Now that is bitterness that is actually hurting my friend. Op is completely different to that.

I know yoga. Some people thought I was BU to say no! I wasnt even horrible about it.

Lilacroses Mon 13-Jan-14 00:03:22

SGB being dumped by your spouse of 18 years who is cheating on you with someone else is NOT a simple fact at all. Add to that the fact that they then start encroaching on your own life with your children? It must be bloody horrible and incredibly painful. Yes people move on etc but I don't agree that if things were reversed people would say the ex was bu. I think they would say be sensitive and give them time.

Neverending2012 Mon 13-Jan-14 00:06:53

Keep reminding yourself it's about your son playing at a match - he's most important in all of it.

wellthatsdoneit Mon 13-Jan-14 00:11:12

Actually SGB, I think if someone posted - "I had an affair and left my partner because I was unhappy, and now my ex doesn't want to see me and the affair-partner at our dc's football match/school play/other event" I think the poster would be told to stop being such an insensitive arse. What you've posted is not at all the same situation as the one posted by the OP here.

It is grief and we all deal with it in different ways and to different timescales.

Yogagirl17 Mon 13-Jan-14 07:17:23

For those of you who have been supportive, thank you so much. xx

LynetteScavo Mon 13-Jan-14 18:44:57

Good news that she agreed not to turn up! x smile

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