Feeling upset about how the bar man spoke to us.

(113 Posts)
crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:40:22

Hi...
We decided to go out yesterday after having all Xmas in,our local pub/restaurant is just two mins walk over the road,
We booked a table and had a lovely meal,myself,dh and ds (9) also hfa...

After our meal,we took ourselves to the sofa were our friends were sitting,there boys were playing on there iPods,so our ds joined in,
The boys were good as gold,
But one of the boys started complaining that he lost his games,his mum took his iPod off him and told him to calm down,so her ds ran down the restaurant and outside,leaving the door open,
She sat there....
My ds got up and said,"I'll get him" I said no,leave it,but he didn't listen,and he ran out to him,I followed straight away and ordered him back in,
He ran back to the seat!
I spoke to my friends boy and calmed him and got him back in,he also ran,he's 8.
The little boys asked his mum for the iPod,she said no again..he ran down the restaurant agin! My ds got up and ran after him!!
I got up again and ordered the boys back in and asked them to walk nicely....
They didn't!
The bar man then came to me and said if your boy doesn't sit down then I'm going to have to ask you to leave!
Well...I wasn't very happy,
I said I'm clearly trying to get hi to sit down,we are regulars here and he's never stepped out of line!
He said nothing to the other mum.
The bar man repeated to me,like I said,if he doesn't behave you have to leave,I went over to the manager,with the bar man,I was pretty heeded off,I said I always keep check on my son in here,he's never allowed to run around and I got up each time (3times) and asked the boys to sit down,what more can I do?
He wasn't actually doing anything wrong!!
Besides,the loo is down there too...

The manager understood and (she's a personal friend) said I know your good parents,but you mate is not!
I pointed out we have been there for two hrs and he got off his seat 3 times!
To follow his friend....she understood and was lovely,
But he butted in at that point and said,if he doesn't stay seated then you have to leave....
I said we live in a small community full of family's,your restaurant has a sign welcoming children and was awarded5 stars for family pub!
I'm not sitting down getting pissed and letting him run around.
I got up each time....I'm doing my job being a parent why don't you do yours! He said I am and he has to sit down...
I told him he needs to work else where were kids are not welcome if he can't cope with a child getting up and down,

I walked off and a guy having a drink Interrupted me and said,he is only doing his job!
Omg I felt so angry and upset,we know the bar man,he joined us for my birthday meal,we don't socialise with him,but he's been in our company with others before...
I asked my friends who where there after,was I out of order,they said,we don't want to get involved...which upset me...
My hubby says I wasn't,he said he had not need to come over and tell me as I was clearly getting him to sit down,
In front of everyone to...
I don't know...we normally go there once a week for food but I'm feeling embarrassed now...

My friend was drunk,but not silly,she does let her ds run,I don't judge her for that,but wish I'd had some support of people...

Sorry for the long post...you half of it was getting it off my chest!

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 22:05:44

As I've said, I am not superior. I was pointing out an error.

It was not patronising, because being unable to spell isn't indicative of age.

I've apologised to those who felt I was rude. I had no intention of being rude. This had obviously not been accepted, so there is little more I can do.

I stand by my opinion that correcting mistakes is reasonable, and I absolutely respect the fact that you disagree.

FrankAndFurt Mon 06-Jan-14 22:00:52

Juno. I guess your apology wasn't that sincere sad.
Correcting someone's mistake ONCE is ok but you went on to correct it twice in an abrupt and rude way. It was patronizing and rude. To continue to insist it wasn't doesn't suggest you were simply wanting to 'share' your superior knowledge rather it suggests you were irritated by the OPs mistake.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 21:40:17

Hmm. So did 3 or 4 other posters who obviously feel the same way as I do.

And I was 'shouted at' (if you mean using capitals) to 'fuck off' by two posters, which is awfully rude and really, aggressive.

I used capitals as emphasis rather than inferring shouting. I apologise if you took it otherwise and I offended you. I don't shout at people.

Lastly, I wasn't actually offering my opinion. I was pointing out a factual error.

I guess I just think spelling and grammar are really quite important. I wouldn't hire someone, for example, who couldn't differentiate between except and accept. I felt it was courteous to try to help the OP with her basic error - obviously it's feeling isn't mutual between us and for that, I can only suggest we agree to disagree.

SeaSickSal Mon 06-Jan-14 21:35:11

Anybody who pulls rank on someone by complaining to their boss as a 'personal friend' deserves everything they get IMO.

wokeupwithasmile Mon 06-Jan-14 21:09:23

Juno I am normally not one who gets into these kinds of arguments, BUT
you were basically shouting at the OP.
If I was shouted at by a complete stranger who thought something I was doing was inappropriate I would find that very embarrassing, odd, and I would certainly think that such person had some sort of problem.
Perhaps next time you might want to wait a bit more before thinking that your opinion is appreciated on something that has nothing to do with the topic discussed.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 20:59:31

Back2basics I wasn't trying to make the OP feel bad about herself, or inferior. Nor do I consider myself superior.

I obviously have a small piece of spelling knowledge that I thought I would share.

In very sorry that this has upset you so much.

aderynlas Mon 06-Jan-14 19:56:57

do go back to the pub with your son op. Its your local and somewhere you enjoy. Just say hi to everyone, all children misbehave now and then. Im sure your little lad will be fine. Tell him any running is to be saved for the park.

Grumpasaurus Mon 06-Jan-14 19:48:42

People have probably already said this...but even though pubs are family friendly, it doesn't mean that children have free reign to run around- no matter what the parent is doing (or, in your friend's case, not doing) to stop them.

I LOVE children. However, I HATE (and I mean, this is a HUGE bug bear of mine) being out at a pub or a cafe when I am not able to enjoy what I am spending my money on because someone else's children are running around, misbehaving.

TBH, although I completely agree with other posters that you should be mad at your useless friend rather than at the bar man, I wish there were more pub or café or restaurant staff who would stick their neck's out to ensure that adult environments remain so...

Sorry if this sounds harsh- like many people, we can't afford to eat out all that much, and when we do, I want to be able to have a laugh / conversation with my husband / friends / family without being interrupted by children!

Back2Basics Mon 06-Jan-14 19:38:41

Of course, it is so rude and classless to make others feel bad about themselves. If you feel the need to show your superiority over something to make others feel inferior it is very bad manners.

Have you never heard the saying if you have a guest round for dinner who picks up the wrong knife and fork you then use the wrong knife and fork to make them feel at ease?

What a strange world you must live in not to of known this?

Maybe you should train as a teacher juno and then you may get r red pen out and mark others mistakes to your hearts content.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 19:31:43

The worst bad manners are correcting mistakes? confused

What a strange world you must live in.

Back2Basics Mon 06-Jan-14 19:17:26

Of course it's rude to correct a mistake, the worst bad manners are commenting/noticing others.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:54:23

back2 - like I say, it's not rude to correct a mistake. Certainly not in my opinion anyway.

It is rude to throw insults.

Topseyt Mon 06-Jan-14 18:54:10

I don't think it is rude to correct a very annoying mistake. That said though, the corrections were ignored anyway.

Accept and except have totally different meanings.

Flame me if you want to.

For what it is worth though, I actually think the OP has been very gracious to ACCEPT that she was wrong because he child ran about in the pub. I do think though, that the pub managers were unreasonable too in that they didn't speak to the other parent, whose child seems to have caused the problem in the first place.

Back2Basics Mon 06-Jan-14 18:45:56

LOL at I'm not a 'smug cow', please don't be so nasty and rude like your not being extremely rude anyway.

FrankAndFurt Mon 06-Jan-14 18:44:44

smile. FairPlay to you too Juno thanks

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:41:51

It wasn't intended as smug. The OP was ignoring the various people who pointed out the error.

Apologies OP of I came across as smug. I most certainly am not a smug person! We all make mistakes.

smile

FrankAndFurt Mon 06-Jan-14 18:37:11

Juno. I think it's ok to correct people's spelling once but to carry on comes across as smug. Posters that seem hellbent on correcting other posters spelling come across as pompous and patronizing to me.

My spelling and grammar is poor and I am more than happy to be corrected once! however a blunt bolded second correction would piss me off.

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:34:08

It isn't rude to correct a mistake. It just isn't!

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 18:28:15

Some people are so far up their own arses that they can't see that their behaviour is very rude. ^

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 18:21:37

I'm not a 'smug cow', please don't be so nasty and rude.

Of course I have 'the right' to tell people when they've made a mistake. As they have the right not to heed my advice.

Dear, in what way do you think correcting someone making a spelling error is benefiting me? It isn't, not in the least. It's imparting knowledge. It's helping people become better, because ultimately, good spelling and grammar are positive attributes.

I've made spelling errors in the past, and have been corrected. I learnt, and didn't make them again. I presume I shall make more in the future; I'd be terribly disheartened if I thought people were passing on my ignorance when I could have had the chance to correct my mistake.

Would you prefer we just did away with the correct use of English and allowed people to spell as they wish, to avoid risk of offending? I would find that a very sad indictment on society, to be honest.

randomAXEofkindness Mon 06-Jan-14 17:37:49

"Warrant correction" confused

You certainly do have an overinflated sense of self if you think that you have a right to correct somebody's spelling on here. Can you imagine how your behavior could make some people feel Juno? And for what, really? You aren't trying to benefit anybody but yourself. I hope you don't think that anybody believes that you are doing this because other people 'want' flaws in their language to be picked out, highlighted, and used by some smug cow to beat them over the head with, because that would warrant correction...

Juno77 Mon 06-Jan-14 17:01:13

It wasn't just me.

candy grin I don't mind colloquialisms. Just spelling errors that I think warrant correction!

And I can't abide ignorant spelling. Sorry.

randomAXEofkindness Mon 06-Jan-14 16:58:25

Juno: "They can, if they so choose, ignore me."

You repeated your correction after the op ignored it. Why did you do that?

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 06-Jan-14 16:35:02

Juno you could have said, "just in case you wanted to know, it's accept" but you were much blunter. Anyway, it's a social media site, not an English lesson. I still maintain that, unless it makes zero sense or breaking guidelines, it's none of your business.

I bet you are barrel of laughs in social situations!

Friend: I'm just gonna get us a drink. Another vodka, Juno?
Juno: it's "going to"

grin

BirdintheWings Mon 06-Jan-14 15:26:07

Oops, ignore me, missed a few dozen messages.

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