Feeling upset about how the bar man spoke to us.

(113 Posts)
crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:40:22

Hi...
We decided to go out yesterday after having all Xmas in,our local pub/restaurant is just two mins walk over the road,
We booked a table and had a lovely meal,myself,dh and ds (9) also hfa...

After our meal,we took ourselves to the sofa were our friends were sitting,there boys were playing on there iPods,so our ds joined in,
The boys were good as gold,
But one of the boys started complaining that he lost his games,his mum took his iPod off him and told him to calm down,so her ds ran down the restaurant and outside,leaving the door open,
She sat there....
My ds got up and said,"I'll get him" I said no,leave it,but he didn't listen,and he ran out to him,I followed straight away and ordered him back in,
He ran back to the seat!
I spoke to my friends boy and calmed him and got him back in,he also ran,he's 8.
The little boys asked his mum for the iPod,she said no again..he ran down the restaurant agin! My ds got up and ran after him!!
I got up again and ordered the boys back in and asked them to walk nicely....
They didn't!
The bar man then came to me and said if your boy doesn't sit down then I'm going to have to ask you to leave!
Well...I wasn't very happy,
I said I'm clearly trying to get hi to sit down,we are regulars here and he's never stepped out of line!
He said nothing to the other mum.
The bar man repeated to me,like I said,if he doesn't behave you have to leave,I went over to the manager,with the bar man,I was pretty heeded off,I said I always keep check on my son in here,he's never allowed to run around and I got up each time (3times) and asked the boys to sit down,what more can I do?
He wasn't actually doing anything wrong!!
Besides,the loo is down there too...

The manager understood and (she's a personal friend) said I know your good parents,but you mate is not!
I pointed out we have been there for two hrs and he got off his seat 3 times!
To follow his friend....she understood and was lovely,
But he butted in at that point and said,if he doesn't stay seated then you have to leave....
I said we live in a small community full of family's,your restaurant has a sign welcoming children and was awarded5 stars for family pub!
I'm not sitting down getting pissed and letting him run around.
I got up each time....I'm doing my job being a parent why don't you do yours! He said I am and he has to sit down...
I told him he needs to work else where were kids are not welcome if he can't cope with a child getting up and down,

I walked off and a guy having a drink Interrupted me and said,he is only doing his job!
Omg I felt so angry and upset,we know the bar man,he joined us for my birthday meal,we don't socialise with him,but he's been in our company with others before...
I asked my friends who where there after,was I out of order,they said,we don't want to get involved...which upset me...
My hubby says I wasn't,he said he had not need to come over and tell me as I was clearly getting him to sit down,
In front of everyone to...
I don't know...we normally go there once a week for food but I'm feeling embarrassed now...

My friend was drunk,but not silly,she does let her ds run,I don't judge her for that,but wish I'd had some support of people...

Sorry for the long post...you half of it was getting it off my chest!

ImperialBlether Sun 05-Jan-14 21:43:08

Well, you should judge her for that!

It's your friend who caused the problem, not the management.

Imagine bringing food and drink into the room and kids running around. It's a real health and safety hazard.

It wasn't your fault; you did what you could. However, you are blaming the wrong person here.

harriet247 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:43:25

Yabu sorry- this was a pet peeve of mine when I waited on and my iwn mother woukd have given me a whallop if I had behaved as the children did.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:44:18

YABU your 8 year old was running through a restaurant.

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:44:36

YABU. They were running around, leaving doors open, presumably making noise, and at 8, they should know better.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:45:29

Sorry, 9 year old!

BerniceBroadside Sun 05-Jan-14 21:47:50

Honestly, I'd be giving my own dc three strikes and we're going home. Running about in restaurants is not acceptable as it's not fair on the other customers and it's a safety risk.

Appreciate that your son has hfa, but I still think children need to sit or stay within a safe area. Two hours was probably enough to ask them to sit quietly?

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:47:53

They should know better yes. But my son is autistic and they know that...my friend rang me this morn and said she should have done more...
I agree they shouldn't have ran,which I explained to them there,but it's a tad hard when they jump up and run!

SaucyJack Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:07

It's a pub, not soft play. YABU.

YouTheCat Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:27

He was doing his job. Though he should have told your friend too.

2 hours is too long in a pub. Kids get bored. YABU.

magesticmallow Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:27

Sorry I think YABU, you clearly weren't getting them to sit down, trying yes but succeeding no, you made much more of it than needed to be and the manager was very unreasonable to comment on anyone's parenting

Bowlersarm Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:30

YABU.

Children running around is annoying for other people, as well as a hazard.

If you had eaten your meal, and things started going pear shaped, why didn't you just leave. Your son was probably bored by then.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:49:42

He was given 3 and we left.
The bar man wasn't excepting that I was clearly doing something...

AhoyMcCoy Sun 05-Jan-14 21:50:13

Sorry, but the bar man sounds pretty reasonable to me.

He gave the kids three chances of listening to you first, and it wasn't working. It's not like he said "LEAVE NOW!", he just said the kids had to stop running about, or would be asked to leave, which is totally reasonable- surely even you can agree kids shouldn't be running around in a pub?

How many chances should the bar man have given you before he had a word? 5? 10?!

Shakey1500 Sun 05-Jan-14 21:50:41

I understand that you were doing the best parenting under the circumstances bit unfortunately the fact remains that the kids (regardless of whose) were running around what is essentially, an adult venue. You should be more pissed off and judgey of your pal who made no effort, and not the staff who were trying to do their job.

I think (though difficult to say as I wasn't there) I would have left after doing it twice max. As it's a small community perhaps a conversation with the barperson and manager again to keep the peace. You've possibly taken the remarks as a reflection upon you, which it wasn't.

RonaldVilliers Sun 05-Jan-14 21:50:59

They shouldn't have been running up and down the restaurant, the bar manager was not unreasonable to point this out to you.

Fairenuff Sun 05-Jan-14 21:51:44

If you can't stop him running around, you should have left.

Annunziata Sun 05-Jan-14 21:52:14

I run a restaurant and I haven't a clue how to spot or deal with an autistic child. It is not our jobs to deal with unruly children, that is up to their parents.

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:52:28

We did leave...
I just thought there's no need for the bar man to keep repeating himself.
Plus they all agreed his a very well behaved lad,which I'm proud of

JeanSeberg Sun 05-Jan-14 21:52:33

Agree with the barman sorry, you should have left when it was clear the boys were getting restless.

BradleyCoopersCurlyPerm Sun 05-Jan-14 21:53:52

Regardless of the reasons for it, and as much as I appreciate that you were getting them to sit back down, I despise being in a pub / bar / restaurant and there be children running around. Regardless of whether they advertise as family friendly or not, it isn't appropriate to do and is discourteous to other people. I'm not a child hater, I don't mind children being children and playing, making some noise etc, but they shouldn't have carte Blanche to run around in an adult environment where there is food being served etc.

Agreed that you have directed your anger towards the wrong person. Barman was doing his job in maintaining a hospitable environment for customers whilst your friend sat getting drunk and neglecting to parent her child.

AhoyMcCoy Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:05

Also, it's highly possible a customer had complained, in which case, the bar man HAD to have a word with you really.

If three kids had run past a table, then run back to their chairs, then run away again, and back to their chairs, and run away a THIRD time and back to their chairs, then hypothetically some poor customers could have been pushed past eighteen times!! It's not very considerate of others really.

YouTheCat Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:08

Who would have been unreasonable had one of the boys ended up with a hot meal all over them?

crazygal Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:13

Yep fair enough ladies. I take that all on board,
It is an adult space...just me feeling annoyed.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 05-Jan-14 21:54:26

My son is autistic and they know that..

Drip drip drip

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