AIBU to turn my sister offer of being a bridesmaid down

(22 Posts)
Sadoldbag Sun 05-Jan-14 16:27:17

My sister announced she had gotten engaged on New Years and eluded that I would be a bridesmaid.

I think I may want to say no but it could very well be the death nail in out relationship.

Firstly when I got married she wasn't there for me at all I went and choose my dress on my own despite having 4 sister I cried the whole time I was in the dress shop and I think my bitterness alone should rule me out

Also it's very likely knowing my sister her hen do will be abroad and for a week or so I have two children and simply don't have the funds to go away for a week to New York or some such place

Also (not her fault but still is a bit hmm when I told my father I was getting we'd he answer was I will see if football is on or not or you could always get married on a Tuesdays I sure yu can guess he didn't attended my wedding my step getting married the red carpet is being rolled not only is he paying for it he's walking her up the isle.

Also due to a few issues with have been accumulating my sister has really hurt me actually and I feel it's difficult to smile and be happy
when no one in my family has of yet even acknowledged our happy news


The issues are I haven't seen her for almost 18 months despite her living 5 minutes she never has time or does not want to see me

She seldom answers her phone to me I needed to talk to her about something it got so bad I ended up ringing her dp and left a message with (I don't brother to ring her any more)

Despite us getting her dd and dss Christmas gifts in almost 10 years my not only do they
Not even send a card or a happy christmas text they don't say thank you for the gift which I think is very rude oh says I shouldn't get them bugger all but it's not the children's fault.

Also I resent that almost 4 weeks ago now we adopted a baby we sent out announcement cards Christmas and passed not a dicky about the gifts, we have adopted not. A dicky about that but some how she remembered my number to tell me she is engaged ffs

I not I being a bit biscuit but I think it would be best if I decline but how to do it with out being bitchy or hurting her feelings I just feel I should sit at the back with my family wish her well and leave

HedgehogsRevenge Sun 05-Jan-14 17:00:03

Why would you care about her feelings? She clearly does'nt care about yours. Your family sound a lot bit crap tbh. Just tell her no and stop sending gifts. No need to let people trample all over your feelings, just disengage.
Congrats on your new arrival.

I wouldn't even spare her feelings to be honest. She obv doesn't give a shiny shite about you so why should you put yourself out for her?

doasyouwouldbedoneby Sun 05-Jan-14 17:04:17

Just say NO.

issey6cats Sun 05-Jan-14 17:04:30

congratulations on your adoption of your little one, i wouldnt put myself out for a family like yours make your little family the best you can and enjoy the love you will get back from your own little nuclear family

RonaldVilliers Sun 05-Jan-14 17:06:53

Not only would I not be bridesmaid, I wouldn't be going to the wedding at all. She sounds like a self centred cowbag.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Sun 05-Jan-14 17:08:49

Say no, disengage and probably go NC in the near future she is a narc of the worst type by the sounds of it. If you weren't related to her would you be her friend? I am NC with my toxic shitstir and it's a lovely place to be, come in. The sea is warm, the sky is blue the semi nekid men are brown, no seagulls, what's not to like?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 05-Jan-14 17:09:38

Congratulation on becoming a mum, Yanbu tbh I wouldn't even go to the wedding.

Famzilla Sun 05-Jan-14 17:29:16

Your family sound toxic. I think you'd be well shot of all of them and just concentrate on your partner and child.

Massive congratulations to you on both your wedding and the new addition to your family.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 05-Jan-14 17:43:42

Say no and enjoy saying it. Really not worth your time or effort.

Congratulations on your new arrival. thanks

GoldenGytha Sun 05-Jan-14 18:14:49

Congratulations on your own wedding, and the arrival of your little one thanks

I wouldn't even be going to her wedding, I might send a card wishing her and her husband well, but you don't even have to do that.

I have toxic parents and brother, and I understand how it feels to be the "unfavoured" one.

Actually forget what I said about the card, try and go NC, she doesn't deserve you.

Just focus on enjoying your own little family xx

manicinsomniac Sun 05-Jan-14 18:20:41

I don't really understand why she wants you to be her bridesmaid - she doesn't appear to see the two of you as close or even as friends!

She has treated you badly and it doesn't seem like a relationship you would get anything out of trying to save so I wouldn't have a problem saying no to her.

Casmama Sun 05-Jan-14 18:22:23

I think I would send her a text to say bat you are delighted for her re the engagement but you have your hands full with your new larger family and need to focus on them so don't feel you can be a bridesmaid.

Pleasant, non-confrontation- would hat work?

MintyChops Sun 05-Jan-14 18:26:02

Just say no thank you. If she asks you why you could say you don't think you are sufficiently close for you to be able to support her. Stick to your guns, don't allow yourself to be persuaded. She sounds awful and I just bet that she will be a right Bridezilla (and probably fire you when you somehow disappoint her).

Congrats on your new baby!

MintyChops Sun 05-Jan-14 18:27:02

Ooh, say what Casmama suggested, too busy better than my suggestion!

redexpat Sun 05-Jan-14 18:34:23

Something along the lines of I'm too busy to do the job properly and I'd hate to let you down on your big day.

redexpat Sun 05-Jan-14 18:35:40

And I think she's only asking out of duty, so she'll probably be relieved when you turn it down.

ocelot41 Sun 05-Jan-14 18:43:10

Before you make a decision which will cause a permanent rift, could you maybe try talking to her about how hurt you have felt at her lack of engagement with your own family news? There could be other things going on that you don't know about. It is a long-shot I know, but it would be a shame to lose a sister if there was even a slim chance that she might mend her ways, no?

thankfeckthereischocolate Sun 05-Jan-14 19:01:44

Do you feel like she made this announcement to take the focus of attention away from you, kind f stealing your lime light?

I have a sister who does this and i find the best thing to do is to refuse to engage with her in any of her games

Its tricky to do beut i have managed it

perlona Sun 05-Jan-14 20:03:55

yanbu, why worry about the feelings of people who have no concern for yours? You have your own family to take care of now, invest all your energies with those who are important and ignore those who have no interest in you. Congratulations on your new babysmile

meganorks Sun 05-Jan-14 20:24:13

She hasn't actually asked you though. And based on what else you have put here and her behaviour towards you I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't. If she does, don't accept the offer and as others ha e said, don't worry about hurting her feelings.

meganorks Sun 05-Jan-14 20:24:29

She hasn't actually asked you though. And based on what else you have put here and her behaviour towards you I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't. If she does, don't accept the offer and as others ha e said, don't worry about hurting her feelings.

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