AIBU to think this girl needs a slap

(201 Posts)
RalphLaurenLover Sat 04-Jan-14 22:30:33

This girl who use to hang around with us was always around trouble stealing, running away, violence, drinking, smoking, drugs you name it she did it.

I kind of moved on and she moved to a different area we had each other on Facebook but don't speak. She got pregnant and proclaimed it was going to be the making of her hmm well it wasn't unfortunately she was constantly telling the Facebook world how SS were on to her and were going to "kidnap" her baby. She had and was given a chance and after a few photo's of her changing the child with her feet holding the bottle in it's mouth with the caption "you bitches can't multi-task like me" status of how she had to go through DNA because she'd slept around and drug test because she was taking her child to be around people whom do drugs she got miffed at the world because SS took the child away.

She still see it but lashed out at everyone with a child on Facebook stating she resents them because SS are C**t's and stole her baby hmm they don't know what they're doing even one remark about how all the SS are is a paedophile gang leader taking and giving children to paedophiles?!?!

She's now telling the world of facebook how at her next contact she's just going to take the child and run because nobody will stop her and despite having no job, money or home she can provide better than these "paedophiles hmm because it's going to be adopted yet she constantly refuses any help

AIBU to think that maybe if she didn't constantly accuse the SS and fill her Facebook full of shit like this she may have more of a chance I try to hide her post but some just creep on in

LimitedEditionLady Sun 05-Jan-14 23:39:12

Mmmm ill stick with my first answer grin

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 05-Jan-14 23:26:49

Make of it what you will limited x

LimitedEditionLady Sun 05-Jan-14 23:16:26

Lem do i detect a hint of sarcasm?

LEMoncehadacatcalledSANTA Sun 05-Jan-14 22:49:57

Gosh, thats some achievement OP, setting yourself up with a job that means you can fully support your DD in your own flat, all in your early 20's - im impressed.

RalphLaurenLover Sun 05-Jan-14 15:45:04

But now she's deleted an whatever else

I'm still going to wake up knowing I did what's right, I didn't need her for that, I did before I found out she'd fucked up

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 05-Jan-14 15:30:33

Agree with kepek.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 05-Jan-14 15:21:47

Basically, this thread is you patting yourself on the back for coping during a hard time while berating your 'friend' for struggling.

KepekCrumbs Sun 05-Jan-14 15:09:31

Feel successful, not make yourself successful. You are successful anyway.

RalphLaurenLover Sun 05-Jan-14 15:08:00

I don't need her to fail to "make myself successful" I know a lot of people with a not to fantastic childhood and have kids they're "successful" I just hoped that she'd follow suit, iyswim

I hope everyone who has kids can bring them up and look after them well lol

KepekCrumbs Sun 05-Jan-14 15:02:46

But that's what I mean. You had a shit childhood too but you didn't do that stuff so you feel successful compared to your peer. You need to feel she failed to feel you succeeded.

Well done for giving your child what they need. You don't have to push her down to feel successful yourself though. You are anyway.

RalphLaurenLover Sun 05-Jan-14 15:01:41

I just thought that she's look after her child and put her DC best interest first, she didn't. I hoped she'd become a marvellous mother and do what's right she didn't

That's life but she shouldn't despise everyone else with a child and blame everyone else for her own fault.

RalphLaurenLover Sun 05-Jan-14 14:58:35

Sorry kepek
Never ran away, didn't steal, didn't smoke or do drugs.

I found out I was pregnant around 6 months before she did. In that time I had my own flat and provided fully for my DC on my own as a single mother.

I had a pretty shit childhood It didn't become an excuse for me to lead a shit life and bring my child down with me

KepekCrumbs Sun 05-Jan-14 14:39:41

I wonder if the op is walking the same path around the same precipice her friend was walking when she fell. Same peer group, same area, similar poor up-bringing, similar circumstances. ..a closeness to the situation could make her over critical of those who didn't make it to validate her own pride in staying on the path.

By seeing this young woman as a victim and not a failure, we negate the heroism and successes of the op in her eyes.

2penniesworth Sun 05-Jan-14 14:27:30

*phrases

2penniesworth Sun 05-Jan-14 14:24:08

Ok so we all say things that on reflection we could have said in a better way or use a better choice of words.

In a forum such as this, it can happen when a post is written in a rush or when an OP is upset. Even more so when there is no filter on an anonymous forum words/phases might be used that wouldn't be said in RL.

I don't think OP meant to say her friend literally needed a slap (anyone can see that) and she explained it. Taking that into context and if it's understood that wording should have been more careful then why carry on berating OP.

Seems most of the responses has not been very constructive either IMO.

Droves Sun 05-Jan-14 13:37:03

Music , op was meaning a metaphorical slap to shock her into realising whats shes done , so she learns from this .
If she doesnt get that , she will repeat the cycle .

Its frustrating to see people determined on self destruction blaming others for their own problems instead of taking the help offered .

Mabey this thread wont help the girl who's lost her child , but it might help someone else recognise real offers of help ,

musicismylife Sun 05-Jan-14 12:26:10

It wasn't what op said, it was how she said it. Her friend will have to live with her bad choices & the consequences of them, every day.

Wanting to slap her after ss have taken child away does not seem very constructive and just seems a bit 'kick a dog while it is down'. In my opinion.

Op would have had a lot more sympathy with careful wording.

GlitzAndGiggles Sun 05-Jan-14 11:30:06

Well I hope she finds the help she needs and friends who will stick by her side instead of blast her on the internet. SS have done the right thing but having a child taken into care has probably troubled her more. Support and guidance is what she needs

PresidentServalan Sun 05-Jan-14 11:27:00

OP, I think you are getting a very hard time on here. So many people judge others in RL as well as MN for their parenting decisions, and these are often very minor. So for her to have her child taken away, it must have been serious - SS don't take away a child for the sake of it. I wouldn't be particularly sympathetic to her either - she has messed her life up and that of her child, and as a mother I would imagine that this rankles with you.

I actually don't think you are being unreasonable flowers

2penniesworth Sun 05-Jan-14 11:21:58

"He who is without sin, cast the first stone" quote comes to mind. We all judge (fairly or not), or have done. OP could have, perhaps worded her thread and title better, better explained her reason for posting which would have yielded a better response. Just shocking the way some MNetters jump on OPs and then others jumping on the bandwagon. Rather than understanding OPs point of view first and correcting if needs be, instead making the same judgemental assumptions that they are berating the OP for. Where is the justification in that?

GimmeDaBoobehz Sun 05-Jan-14 10:54:50

I know your frustration OP as sometimes I see things like this and want anything to just knock some sense into these people, but I think ultimately the only thing that is going to change them is them and when they are ready.

Probably when they are lonely.

My partners got a relative who has lost both her children. Luckily a family member has taken the first one, but the second has been adopted. That hasn't taught her anything. She has been on drugs and she has hung out with some extremely unsavoury characters. She used to leave DC2 with anybody. I had DC2 for a few hours when I was going through morning sickness she said she was just nipping next door. Poor child was really unsettled so I am really glad that they have a chance of a happier life. Plus family aren't able to bail her out anymore. She's still acting like a complete tool and to be honest and I don't want to ever talk to her again due to how she has treated those poor little children and she's only 20 years old.

But I know she is probably very troubled and something bad has happened to her but it doesn't stop you feeling disgusted as you shouldn't inflict what happened to you onto your children. If you can't look after children you shouldn't have them and she certainly applies here as does your 'friend'.

If she doesn't want your advice I'd just leave it to be honest. The only person she'll listen to is herself in the future.

My partners relative wants 2 more children apparently. I honestly think I'd lose my rag if I saw the same thing happening again.

I do feel for you and don't completely disagree. If a slap would work I'd be all for it but to be honest dysfunction isn't fixed by more dysfunction no more than the death penalty doesn't fix the problem of murder.

musicismylife Sun 05-Jan-14 10:32:31

I wasn't on a toad to self-disruption, maybe a road to self-distruction hmm

musicismylife Sun 05-Jan-14 10:29:50

Like others have said, this post seems pointless.

If it is rue tthat as are adopting the child, then your friend will not be able to have any kind of decent access until the child is older.

This is why she is venting on facebook because she is angry about it.

When I was younger, there was a four month stretch of my life where I was abysmal. I didn't have a child or anything but I was definitely on a toad to self-disruption. Luckily, it was just a phase or whatever
& the rest of my life was not dictated by my foolishness.

Whether your friend is a 'saint' from now on, it will not give her her child back. It's all very sad.

HRHLadyFarquhar Sun 05-Jan-14 02:40:57

5Ah, I see! Yeah, that's what I hope too. I realised a few years ago that although the emotional connection made it easy to see how she fucks things up, it also made it impossible for me to remain impassive and supportive when she did the fucking up.

So, I stepped away. Still fb friends, because she would def notice my name going, and I mess around with the hide function, and only 'fb like' declarations of positive decisions...

And I fantasise about going back in time and doing something that would have really changed her life. Getting her parents falsely imprisoned for bank robbery or something maybe...

Iamsparklyknickers Sun 05-Jan-14 02:30:18

I don't think so HRH, my friend has had a couple of children.

I think my thoughts have been so scrambled around her situation that my reasoning for not cutting contact with her completely has never been that ordered, it follows people don't get why I won't cut her off.

Your post just managed to sum up for me the 'why's' really smile

I have distanced myself to an extent, and certainly don't condone or help her justify.

I think I'm just hoping that one day she'll get it, and when she does I will be there.

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