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My DP thinks we should go to a wedding abroad when our baby will be 1 month old...

(179 Posts)
eepie Fri 03-Jan-14 21:57:51

The other night my DP said we've been invited to one of his very good old friend's weddings in the south of france in August next year. Our (first) baby is due on July 2nd but obviously could be late so our baby will be tiny and I think we'll still be getting into the swing of being new parents (and me being a new Mum, hopefully breastfeeding etc).

So, I said "Oh ok, well maybe we could go, depending on how the baby is doing, how I'm feeling after the birth etc, and depending on if we can afford it at the time" and he was like "Yeah, or maybe I can just go for a few days" as if that wasn't a big deal....like he was a completely separate entity and not part of the new 'family'. I don't know if I'm being ultra-sensitive because of pregnancy hormones but my immediate reaction was "Er, no.... I don't want to be left at home with the baby whilst you go to a wedding in the south of france!" .....As in...I want us to be a team/a family - either we all go together or not at all.

Obviously I may feel differently when the baby comes - ie. more confident, and could maybe manage with some help from my Mum for a few days whilst he is away. But I heard that your emotions will be up and down after the birth, and I will maybe still be bleeding a bit or recovering? But it's more that I don't want to feel that he's just checked out of his responsibility as a new Dad & I don't know why he'd want to miss 3 or 4 days of our new baby's life (as in, it won't be newborn forever and we should cherish the first few months). At the moment I feel like he's being a bit irresponsible to think it'd be no problem for him to go on his own...I felt like he was having a bit of a 'single guy' attitude - as in not putting his new baby and me, a new mum, as the first priority. But rather it's more important that he has fun at his friend's wedding. Am I being unreasonable ? Is it normal for the new Dad to go and do things separately from his new little family so early on? We could go and visit his friends when the baby is a bit older....It's just so soon after the birth..

dangalf Thu 09-Jan-14 15:25:40

Ah sorry- just seen it is sorted. Good.

beginnings Thu 09-Jan-14 19:37:58

Well 20 months and two children into this motherhood malarkey, I'm STILL not good at the whole lack of control thing but I'm getting a bit better! We'll get there.

Regarding getting a passport for the baby, in my area it is really not simple.

Minimum 2 weeks to get an appointment to register the birth, even if you ring the day baby is born. More usually 4-6 weeks, as the register office is only open some days, and won't allow drop ins.

And then, even if you get the passport form done and in the post same day as registering, you will need to remember that it will be the height of the summer season. You'll have trouble getting a same day appointment to do it in person in any sort of reasonable time.

DD's first passport cam back after 5 days. But that was the beginning of February, so no major backlogs at the office.

Add into the mix the money issues, that this isn't a close friend, and that there's no guarantee that baby will be born on due date and both mum and baby recover very quickly etc, and I think YANBU to not go.

If he wants to attend, maybe compromise at just a couple of days.

Ha! I knew I should have re-checked before posting grin that'll teach me to leave a reply for a while before clicking.

Nice to see the update.

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