To formally complain about this woman's flagrant disregard for the well being of my anus?

(90 Posts)
HoneyDragonling Fri 03-Jan-14 12:37:48

I have recently had a poo. It was quite pleasant, chatting to my brother through the wall. Then I shouted for my bum to be wiped. No answer! The feckless baggage was downstairs ironing my penguin trousers. This is being done because it's very important I wear my penguin trousers today.

I shouted louder. Then, then

She told me to WIPE MY OWN BUM!

Now I am perfectly capable of this task, but today I decided I was not and I know my own mind, right?

I shout repeatedly, and nothing. She just kept refusing.

So I had to do it myself sad. Then, to add further insult to injury, SHE came upstairs and said "Thankyou" (well I should think so!) and "well done, Honeydragonling". The patronising cow baggage hmm

I'm still sulking.

AIBU to be absolutely sick of this constant disregard for my NEEDS?

BananaNotPeelingWell Fri 03-Jan-14 23:31:56

Or do one in your wellies. This takes skill and patience and results in mummy saying lots of new words.

Danann Sat 04-Jan-14 10:55:39

Pfft, all these mothers and their stupid ideas, it just makes me so cross!

I don't think lil sis made it clear how bad Mum is when she posted yesterday... I'm 9 and do you know how awkward my mum is? at 3am when we had a power cut she told me and sis to be quiet and go to sleep and then we wouldn't care that it was dark. Then at 6am she complained when I woke her up to tell her I needed some more water, some crap about how, since I had to walk past the kitchen to get to her bed, I could of got it myself rather than wake her up! And when I'm trying to sleep at 10.30am she makes loads of noise and insists I need to get up so she can go out, then, when I decide to spend 20 minutes playing the drumkit which MIL so kindly bought lil sis she gets all stroppy and tells me to pack it in because I'm making too much noise and am supposed to be putting some clothes on! bloody woman!

PrincessOfTheWellOfLostPlots, do they never learn about the vegetables? I've been having the same argument with my mother for years

Bluestocking Sat 04-Jan-14 11:15:03

Or you could take a leaf out of my Potty Training Greatest Hits; poo on the stairs, then when she treads in it and treads it all over the hall and shouts "who the hell pooed on the stairs?", you can look at her in a pitying way and say "it was me, of course".
Bluestocking Jr

jacks365 Sat 04-Jan-14 11:47:06

What you do is wait till she's putting the food away thats just been delivered and isn't looking and then run away with a box of tomatoes. Mummy loves the seeds making patterns all over my clothes plus she then has to play hunt the bits with the ones I hide to eat later.

Little jacks

dawntigga Sat 04-Jan-14 11:49:50

Dear goddess WHAT IS THIS WOMAN THINKING? So Santa, the fat judgmental so and so, if I get my hands on his elves! But I digress, so Santa, brought me some snow, because it's all I really wanted for Christmas. The Woman made it up for me today, but it took AGES (more than 10 seconds) and was BOOOORING. So I told her, you'd think she'd be grateful I give her bloody updates on how I'm feeling, she is FOREVER asking me how I'm feeling after all! Nooooo, she tells me that being bored is character building and if I don't like waiting for the damn snow she can always put it in the bin. Talk about your escalating quickly, I've only not done anything she's told me all morning because I've been to busy! Sheesh! Then, when I've taken 20 minutes to decide which 2 vehicles I'd like to use in the snow, I've changed my mind. Yes, I have only been playing with them for 20 seconds but that IS NOT THE POINT! She has insisted that I say please and bloody thank you every single time I've asked her to get a different toy. She's a servant, she should know her place.

VeryAnnoyedWithTheHelpCub

Just to state, clearly and obviously incase anyone is wondering, this is a FUNNY thread.

There's been mix ups about that recently. So, master class above.

Dd (3) is taking tips. Thanks ;)

dawntigga Sat 04-Jan-14 11:56:55

What fresh hell is this? Now she wants to take pictures of me! I AM PLAYING WOMAN! And smile, after everything I'm forced to endure on a day to day basis, she ought to be thankful I don't see her off whilst she sleeps. Of course, that would require me waking up for something less than a full scale bomb going off under my bed WHICH IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

MakingAsMuchMessAsICanCubxx

DwellsUndertheSink Sat 04-Jan-14 12:16:13

pah, amateurs. WHat you need to do is give her a taste of her own medicine. Wait til you are on a long trip, and you stop at a busy service station. When she goes to the loo, shout crossly "I comin'" til she takes you with her. Then, when she is fumbling around with one of those mice in telescope things, ask very loudly "What you doin' mummy? Can I have one mummy? Is it a sweetie mummy? Are you doing a poo mummy? You got an ow-ee mummy?" while she frantically tried to shush you. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

dawntigga Sat 04-Jan-14 12:20:42

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA, so having made her run around in circles with the snow I played with for less time than it took to make it because it isn't like the snow she usually makes for me and it's wet. Yes, mother I am aware that SNOW IS SUPPOSED TO BE WET, but when I play with it I like it dry and crumbly. So next time you'll make me my normal snow or else.

HavingAWhineyDayToMakeSureShe'sGladI'mAtSchoolCub

ebwy Sat 04-Jan-14 13:13:46

My mother moaned because she couldn't find her hairbrush. is it our faults if she doesn't look in her boot?

Minibeast and microbeast

Idocrazythings Sat 04-Jan-14 14:19:45

Why wait for mummy? I just do a stealth poo- in the toilet of course. Leave loads on the seat. Toilet paper on the floor and a nice dirty mark on the seat. Toilet paper is for losers, as is flushing. I just go back to my trains and wipe my bum on the carpet. The other day I got an extra shower as I successfully managed to get it all over my ball bag and foot! Success. That'll teach her for pretending to put my London train set pieces in the bin because I wouldn't pick them up.

Iamcrazythings grin

They really do never learn, LittleDanann. If anything they get worse. Watch out for sneaky tricks like hiding veg in pasta sauce and if you have ANY doubts don't eat it.

Princess

Danann Sun 05-Jan-14 01:57:28

Princess, Mummy's been trying that too. she cuts them up tiny and tries to hide them in the food, she even tried leaving some bigger bits so I'd think I'd picked them all out. LittlestDanann is clearly in league with her coz she tricked me into eating vegetable crisps earlier by saying I couldn't have any of hers!

LittleDanann

Now I am 5yo, I don't bother telling my mother when I use the toilet as I like to be in control of the whole process.
I piss all over the toilet seat (and on the floor and under the hinges), I do huge stinky poos, I never wipe (because I know how much she enjoys finding an unexpected skid mark), I don't flush, I don't wash my hands and I leave the light on.
The first thing she knows about it is when she stumbles across the scene during her own toilet visit. Mwahahaha.
HTH
MasterCakes

BrianTheMole Sun 05-Jan-14 02:36:04

Just do what I just did. Get in her bed and wee in it. That'll learn her!

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