to ask for a some internet strangers to give me a couple of minutes of their time (longish)

(56 Posts)

because I feel so alone? I am sat in my PJs knocking back cups of tea whilst silently sobbing to myself whilst my husband sits at the dining room table looking for places he can rent.

We have has an almighty row that has been brewing since Christmas morning, when I realised that after 18yrs together he still doesn't know me. I received from him tickets to see War horse which I have wanted to see at the theatre since I read the book, whihch I am happy about but my DD had to tell him this is what I wanted as the repeated 'I would love to see that' wasn't a big enough hint for him.

I then also received a 4.6lb tin of shortbread because I like shortbread. I do but not that fecking much.

To top the presents off I was also offered the chance to have a hysterectomy done privately, a procedure that I do not need and I do not want, the reason was I had complained about the crimson bastard. As soon as he suggested it I politely refused and left the room before I decked him.

As a result of this he spent the rest of Christmas ignoring me because he felt guilty, so I spent Christmas day on the sofa watching the DCs play with their toys whilst he did everything to avoid being in contact with me. The only time he came near was when we was eating and when Dr Who came on. That evening he climbed into bed next to me, grunted night at me then fell asleep, no kiss or cuddle.

I have tried explaining to him that the presents are not the issue, its the lack of thought that has gone into them and that even though my hobbies and interests are on full display to anyone that walks into my home, he still insists that he has no idea what to get me. I can't be more bloody obvious.

I don't think I deserve to be ignored because he feels guilty, I don't think that I deserve such a lack of thought in gift buying (BTW he didn't used to be like this).

I am so confused, looking back on what I have written and I'm thinking Don't be so bloody stupid Binky, get a grip. But then I think hang on a minute how many times has he done something that he hasn't thought through properly and pushed your tolerance levels to the limit.

I honestly don't know which way is up at the moment.

storytopper Fri 27-Dec-13 16:12:34

Sounds like, deep down, you have a marriage worth saving so good luck with that. Hope things pick up for you both.

MostWicked Fri 27-Dec-13 18:10:58

It sounds like the root cause of the problems you are having, is poor communication. That's what you need to work on. Don't throw away a good marriage because you can't talk to each other.

specialsubject Fri 27-Dec-13 18:20:38

I think he's ignoring you because you have been incredibly childish. OK, the present of a hysterectomy is a bit odd, but the rest - jeez.

presents should be accepted with gracious thanks, especially expensive tickets to something you want to see. 'hinting' is also incredibly childish, why don't you just communicate like an adult?

are you really willing to destroy your marriage over CHRISTMAS PRESENTS? Or is there more to it than this?

special
Next time try reading the thread before you post, it has moved on and your post is not really relevant any more.

chocolatemademefat Fri 27-Dec-13 23:13:12

My husband gave me a bar of chocolate this year because money is tight and buying me an expensive present would only have complicated our finances even more. He's never been great at presents but usually if I tell him what I want he'll get it. Suggesting surgery as a gift is very unusual - do you moan a lot every month? We all go through boring times with partners but usually things come up and we work through them. Maybe its worth forgetting about presents and spending some time together talking things through - imagine your life if he DID move out.

CrashGoesTheTree Sat 28-Dec-13 00:11:06

Get a break away and give yourselves a chance away from the day to day drudge of life.

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