AIBU - feeding my baby

(61 Posts)
Bubblegoose Thu 26-Dec-13 17:02:49

Please be gentle...

DS2 is 2.5 weeks old. ILs are staying for five weeks (another thread altogether).

I am not able to breastfeed due to a medical condition. Therefore I am formula feeding DS2, like I did DS1. Even though I knew I wouldn't be able to feed the baby myself, I am still pretty upset that I can't. I know it's not completely rational but there you go.

MIL is constantly trying to feed the baby. It makes me upset every time I see her. I almost feel a physical ache. I feel like we're playing a game trying to get to the baby first when he's hungry. She says I'm being precious and it's a way of showing her love. I say that she can show her love other ways and even though I can't breastfeed, feeding my baby is still important to me.

Am I being precious/unreasonable? I feel so unhappy about this and I have taken to hiding in my room with the baby like a sulky teenager.

fluffyraggies Thu 26-Dec-13 17:05:41

Not unreasonable of you at all, with baby this young, to want to do the feeding.

Where is your DH?DP? Is he helping you stick up for yourself?

ilovesmurfs Thu 26-Dec-13 17:06:29

yanbu to want to feed your baby yourself.

maybe set aside one feed a day for mil to do?

sulking is a bit unreasonable but you just had a baby and are tired and hormonal pus having inlaws to stay for five weeks!!! so you can be forgiven!

do you have a sling? keep baby snug and close with that?

fluffyraggies Thu 26-Dec-13 17:06:30

Why are they staying for 5 weeks OP?

NightCircus Thu 26-Dec-13 17:07:08

YANBU

DeepThought Thu 26-Dec-13 17:08:58

Yanbu

feeding should be parents only, still do skin to skin for lovely oxytocin rush, anyone else wanting to can bog off for a couple of months. Gavel.

Nb there is stuff about why parents only to feed but I am in holidays with no laptop just crappie olde phone

your baby ain't a bag of sweets to be handed round.

Oldraver Thu 26-Dec-13 17:09:02

Yes to setting aside one feed of the day for MIL...3AM should do it

HoHoHopelessAtNamingBabies Thu 26-Dec-13 17:10:49

I'm with OldRaver. Brilliant plan.

Certainly not unreasonable. Breast or bottle feeding is an important part of bonding and you baby is still tiny!

Fairylea Thu 26-Dec-13 17:10:53

5 weeks is far too long for anyone to stay when you have a new baby.

Just tell her you want to feed the baby and she can do other things - change clothes or nappy maybe. But ultimately mil shouldn't even be there that long! If at all!

starlight1234 Thu 26-Dec-13 17:11:39

No YANBU...I breast fed for 2 year for about a month he would drink expressed milk and I loved giving him a bottle we held eye contact which he just started at my book when B feeding...

I hate the way some people are made to feel when they can't breast feed....Feed your kids Mcdonalds every night feel guilty feed a baby formula is not damaging...It helps a baby grow...

Maybe you need to be more direct and tell her you need to do the feeds yourself and just ask her to respect that...5 weeks of battling to feed baby is long battle.

Andanotherthing123 Thu 26-Dec-13 17:12:37

YANBU-if you feel able to,tell her that feeding your baby helps you bond.can you structure in a bottle she can give?offer her the 2am slot if she's so keen!

People should only hold/feed other people's babies when invited to do so imo.

fluffyraggies Thu 26-Dec-13 17:13:20

Who on earth in their right minds would honestly try to muscle in on feeding a 2.5 week old baby?

... even after the baby's mother has expressed her wish for you to back off!!

<despair emoticon>

ilovesmurfs Thu 26-Dec-13 17:13:53

yes google biological nurturing? i think its called..ways to make bottlefeeding like bfeeding. skin to skin, baby tucked up close etc.

have a bit of a babymoon in bed you and baby, mil can be helpful and provide food/drink etc?

let her change nappies, have cuddles etc but she cant be taking over.

what does dh think?

Slippersocklover Thu 26-Dec-13 17:16:14

YANBU. I read somewhere the other day that it is recommended that only parents feed baby for the first few weeks at least, to help parents and baby develop their relationship.

MyMILisfromHELL Thu 26-Dec-13 17:16:47

Wtaf are your IL's doing staying 5 weeks? Are they visiting from abroad?

Your mil needs to back off. What a cow & what an invasion of privacy.

There are other ways she can 'show love', ie. bath baby, cuddle, sing lullabies, etc.

Make her do the 3am & 6 am feeds.

FestiveYoni Thu 26-Dec-13 17:17:16

2.5 weeks old, you need to be bonding with baby not MIL>

Mils dont breast feed their GC although I am sure some of them would like too....

Mils dont feed their GC just because MUm isnt BF....its mums face baby wants to be looking at and mums smell.

You will not get these moments back.

Many of us on here had problems bonding with new borns because if MIL charging in to take control....

NOT ON>

Tell her its about more than her showing her love she can do that when baby is older....but right now its about a mum bonding with her her own baby.

fangry

<op dont pussy around on this one, take the bloody baby back>

callamia Thu 26-Dec-13 17:18:01

No way, your mother in law needs to respect you and your wishes about your baby.

You're not being precious, I don't think you CAN be precious about such a tiny baby. It is important for you to establish feeding with your baby - he's not a dolly, he's your son.

I think perhaps your husband needs to have a word with his mother and explain that it's important for you to establish good feeding with your baby, and that's what he wants too - this isn't just something that you're being 'precious' about - you and he are agreed.

I wish you lots of luck for managing the next five weeks - you have my admiration.

MyMILisfromHELL Thu 26-Dec-13 17:20:19

I'd speak to your hv & your dh re your mother in law's total lack of consideration & get them to have a chat with her.

YANBU, btw. I breastfed, but would not stand for the total lack of respect you're receiving from your mil, in any situation.

Mia1415 Thu 26-Dec-13 17:21:13

YANBU at all. I would have been furious if anyone had tried to feed my DS son! I know it's not easy but I think you need to be more direct with her!

YouTheCat Thu 26-Dec-13 17:21:22

Can you cut the visit short?

I FF and hated how the mil (who I lived with, so no escape) would bluster in if she thought it was time for a feed.

CaptainTripps Thu 26-Dec-13 17:25:51

Oh no. You poor thing. She needs to back off, silly woman.

MrsDeVere Thu 26-Dec-13 17:26:21

You poor thing.
I am a laid back parent of 5 DCs but when they are tiny they are MINE. I rarely put them down and I would be very upset if I had been put in your position.

I do understand that your MIL wants to love and cherish her GC but she is the one that should be understanding. She has had her children and being a GP is different. This is your time with your baby and it would be nice of you to allow her to feed him occasionally but no wonder you are feeling so stressed by her actions.

Perhaps she can take over one feed a day? Call it Granny's feed or something suitably twee.

Then she might leave you alone?

Congratulations on your new baby flowers

Bubblegoose Thu 26-Dec-13 17:27:43

Thank you thank you. So relieved to read this.

I am usually so assertive but am all over the place right now and have lost perspective a bit.

DH will go along with whatever I want. Our toddler is a real handful right now so he is distracted with him. ILs do take toddler out which is great but they are very enamoured with the baby.

Yes we live abroad. When ILs found out I was pregnant they booked a trip. And then told us they were coming. Please don't get me started. I have been annoyed about this for months. Don't worry, I already refused to do their washing and have instituted a roster system for meals. DH is doing his bit by taking them out as much as possible.

They are not bad people at all just pretty thoughtless and overly invested in the bloody baby.

I will suggest the 3am feed but MIL needs her beauty sleep, she says.

MrsDeVere Thu 26-Dec-13 17:29:01

I remember my SIL deigning to visit when DS was about a week old.
After a couple of hours I said that I was going up to bed for a rest.

She looked horrified when I picked DS up and said 'are you taking him with you?!'

As this was DC5 and I had two decades of experience of dealing with such comments I was able to say 'Yes. Bye' and go off to bed with my precious newborn.

NoComet Thu 26-Dec-13 17:29:05

I think you will have to come to an amicable arrangement where you do most feeds and MIL does one or two.

At some point in the future you will be delighted MIL wants to mind her GC, falling out is always a bad idea.

However, having house guests for 5 hours with a baby is a bad idea, 5 weeks is certifiable.

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