Aibu - she gave it to my sister

(92 Posts)
CaptainTripps Thu 26-Dec-13 16:39:17

I'm not sure I am prepared to be told I am being unreasonable. Anyway... today I gave my mum a lovely and expensive and designery jumper that has only been worn a few times. It isn't a xmas present. It is gorgeous and it was pricey but I just haven't been wearing it. I mean - I might wear it at some point but I thought I could make good use of it by giving it to mum.

So I gave it to my mum - specifying it was for her and her alone. If she didn't want it, I would have another use for it. Keep it for a special occasion maybe? I asked her if she wanted it and she said she would indeed love to have it. I laboured the point that it was for her etc.

She has given it to my sister.

I feel incredibly awkward about it. Not that I don't love my sis but it was for mum.

Aibu to specify who it goes to? I mean - once you give something to someone, does it become none of one's business? I wanted to gift it to my mum and my mum alone. Is that unreasonable? Fgs if she wan't that fussed she could have said. But she didn't. She accepted it. And I did labour the point.

TheSmallClanger Thu 26-Dec-13 16:40:39

It's not up to you what happens to a present after you've given it.

It's also really hard to say you don't want a present without offending someone.

ineedanexcuse Thu 26-Dec-13 16:43:17

It might be an awkward conversation but you need to ask her why she has given away the jumper you specifically said was just for her.

Maybe she has a very good reason to give it to your sister.

Is this a normal thing for her to do? Im guessing it is since you laboured the point NOT to give the jumper away if she didnt want it herself.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 26-Dec-13 16:43:24

It's your sister, I don't see what's the problem.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 16:43:28

It is a bit odd that she gave it away the same day, but if you do give something to someone it becomes none of your business what they do with it.

Did you start by asking her if she would like to have it for her, or did you tell her to have it?

Maybe your sister saw it and said she would love to have it, so your mother gave it away?

sweetmelissa Thu 26-Dec-13 16:44:35

I wonder why you felt you needed to labour the point it was just for HER(you mentioned several times in your post that you had)? Is it because she has done things like this before?

My mum very often gives presents away that I have given her - or worse, having forgotten, gives them back to me the following Christmas. But it makes me laugh, she means no harm by it, it's just one of the quirky things she does.

Sorry if this did make you upset though.

Minnieisthechristmasmouse Thu 26-Dec-13 16:45:44

Tbh I doubt your mum thought sister counted as a person. I mean she wouldn't offer to a mate, but if dsis loved it then she didn't count it as 'giving it away'.

AwfulMaureen Thu 26-Dec-13 16:46:28

I think you sound precious and odd. You gave it away...give things in a generous spirit if you want but don't "labour points" about them as you give them.

AwfulMaureen Thu 26-Dec-13 16:47:32

As someone else said, why are you bothered? It was your sister...not a random stranger.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Thu 26-Dec-13 16:51:31

I find it really odd that you specified it was for your mum oy and repeated this to her more than once! Why? Why, if you dont want it and she doesnt want it, then why cant your sister make use of it instead of lying in a drawer?

YANBU if you laboured the point.

I'd be pissed if my mum gave my sister a piece of clothing I'd meant for her. My sister is an entitled princess sometimes and my mum indulges her so I'd be annoyed. Is this the same with your dsis?

BrianTheMole Thu 26-Dec-13 16:55:39

If you told her that it was for her, and if she didn't want it then you would keep it, then of course she's bu.

BrianTheMole Thu 26-Dec-13 16:56:47

Ask her why she gave it away.

CaptainTripps Thu 26-Dec-13 17:03:06

Again, to those asking, I wanted to give something nice to my mum and this was just such an item. I didn't want to give it if she was only going to give it away - sis or no sis. As I said, I would have another use for it. It was for mum or I would hang on to it. I usually give things freely when I give things away but this jumper is special.

CaptainTripps Thu 26-Dec-13 17:03:38

Brian - she said my sister wanted it.

CaptainTripps Thu 26-Dec-13 17:05:18

Meant to add my sister is not entitled at all. A perfectly nice sister. She was in the room when I gave the jumper to my mum and heard the whole conversation. is that relevant?

OwlinaTree Thu 26-Dec-13 17:05:58

Will the sister wear it or put it on eBay?

Erm yes! You dmum & dsis are both BU then because you had made your intentions clear by giving it to your mum and NOT giving it to dsis. Think your mum needs to be a bit more assertive with your dsis and say 'No'.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 17:09:58

If she was in the room, then she should have asked you to have it instead, or maybe she pushed your mum later, or asked her if she really wanted it.

Why should it be only for your mum and not your sister, though?

JoyceDivision Thu 26-Dec-13 17:10:14

So its an unwanted item of clothing, its a hand me down you've passed on to your mum as you don't wear it, and while you don't have any issue with your sister, you're not happy she has the item of clothing you don't want anymore?

Maybe your mum liked the top but not as much as your sis, maybe she really liked it but daren't ask you for it since you were labouring the point in front of her that it was only for your mum!

Sorry, but i fond it v strange of you don't want something and give it away, then its gone and no longer yours, yet be unhappy as to what's happened to it since?

Very odd!

JoyceDivision Thu 26-Dec-13 17:11:42

My mum, sister and I all swap clothes,,, once they leave teh house you've no idea who yuo will see wearing them! Do find itrodd to getrid of stuff when you admit you don't want them anymore but wish to control things that you don't want?

MrsDeVere Thu 26-Dec-13 17:16:03

Captain my DM does this all the time.
I used to spend a lot of time finding things to give her only to find she had 'lent' them to other family members.
Either that or I would see them at her house with the packaging still on.

Its hurtful. Maybe I shouldn't care but I can't help it.

So now I don't put so much thought into present choosing. It saves the upset.

Ironically DM loves to go on about what a cow her MIL was about presents. How she didn't appreciate them and gave them away etc.

Its not something that comes with age is it? Any 60 + MNers out there who can advise?

wink

MellowAutumn Thu 26-Dec-13 17:17:07

Have you thought about getting out more, or starting a hobby?

CaptainTripps Thu 26-Dec-13 17:18:44

Sigh - are we all listening? It was something nice for my mum. I wanted my mum to have it. From my OP - I just haven't been wearing it. I mean - I might wear it at some point but I thought I could make good use of it by giving it to my mum.

Owlina - I don't think she will put it on eBay or anything like that.
gertrude - I think the assertiveness thing is a good point.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 17:18:47

This is a problem I'll never have. Sis and I can swap clothes, but not with our mum, or even SIL. <evil laughter>

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now