Was I wrong or right in this situation?

(47 Posts)
SkippydedoDaa Thu 26-Dec-13 15:44:33

Dd1 is 3.5yrs old. Both dds got a stack load of gifts for christmas yesterday. Dd1 also got £10 christmas money.

Took dd1 shopping today to spend her money. I specifically told her that she could pick one thing.

Dd1 had her heart set on a dolls outfit which was exactly £10. No problem.

She then decided she wanted something else. I said she could look but she would need to put the dolls clothes back if she wanted something else.

She had us walking round the shop for ages and eventually found something she liked. I told her she had to pick ...cue crying and tears.

My friend offered to buy both hmm

I stood my ground but she was really sad even after the tears stopped.

We left with the art set she picked.

Was I right in doing this or is she still too young to understand? confused

I think she's too young to understand so it was a mistake to do it.

Not a mistake to only buy one though.

Everyone makes mistakes, doesn't have to cost you a tenner

bengal38 Thu 26-Dec-13 15:48:14

I think you were wrong as she is very young yet to understand how money works. Even though you did explain it to her she is only 3 so is a baby really.

I think to be honest with you, you were heartless. Why could you not of just brought her the something else as well? It hardly would of broken the bank would it.

She isn't a teenager she is just a little "baby" who doesn't understand how money works.

YOU CRUEL MOTHER!!!!

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 26-Dec-13 15:49:35

No, you were right. She may not understand the value of £10 but she will understand 'you can choose one toy' at 3.5. YANBU.

OwlinaTree Thu 26-Dec-13 15:50:38

No I don't think it was a mistake, sounds like you explained it clearly.

Think you could have predicted she would want both things, you did well to stand your ground.

What was the alternative, if she cried enough she'd have the whole shop? Don't see what else you could do otherthan choose something for her.

BohemianGirl Thu 26-Dec-13 15:51:27

She may not understand 'value' but she does understand 'one' and more importantly she probably learned turning on the waterworks do not get you what you want.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Thu 26-Dec-13 15:51:59

Fair enough, she had 10 pounds to spend, no more.

Trills Thu 26-Dec-13 15:52:11

YANBU to say to a 3 year old "You can have this OR that".

You might have confused her a bit by letting her keep looking after she saw the first thing, but it's not the end of the world.

Your friend was BU to offer to buy both.

statisticsthicko Thu 26-Dec-13 15:54:45

No you were right IMO. Presumably she'd already received another shed load of stuff on christmas morning so there was absolutely no need for any 'extras' on top of what she got then (apart from what she bought with her money).

Lurkymclurker Thu 26-Dec-13 15:54:55

I think you were right!

I would have done the same with my dd (2.3) and do frequently with other things - eg at lunch I told her she could choose to eat all of her ice cream or leave some and have more sweet things later - she was stuffed and only eating because it was there!

She chose to leave the last half and then 20 minutes later had half a mince pie and said "no finish ice cream more treats later" so she totally got it.

I bet if you ask your dd about the dolls outfit and explain next time she has pennies she can buy it if she still wants it and how much she loves her art set then you might be surprised at how much she has understood from the episode smile

statisticsthicko Thu 26-Dec-13 15:55:51

Bengal are you serious?!

DaveBussell Thu 26-Dec-13 15:59:00

No, I don't think bengal is serious - made me laugh actually.

OP you did exactly the right thing and it's interesting that she chose the other thing in the end so hopefully will get more out of it. You could always buy the dolls outfit and put it away for a birthday present.

YANBU - I think the concept of one toy only was perfectly understandable.

Bengal - I hope that was tongue in cheek otherwise you need to ask Santa for a grip and some perspective for next year.

SkippydedoDaa Thu 26-Dec-13 16:03:06

I had to add money to the art set to allow her to huy it so it wasn't about only being £10. It was more tge fact that she wanted both things when she was told one.

If I gave in when she cried. What else would she cry for and expect?

bengal38 Thu 26-Dec-13 16:04:05

Yes I am being serious.
She should have taken her to the till to pay straight away not let her carry on looking. Fancy saying to a 3 year old "you can look but if you see something you want what you already have goes back". She set a rod up for herself.

I think the mum was heartless and cruel.

Lilacroses Thu 26-Dec-13 16:06:34

It can be hard to make that sort of choice.....even for a grown up! However, it's fine really isn't it? She's not going to suffer lasting damage from the experience and having to buy what you can afford is a good lesson to learn,not in a bad way, just in a straightforward. Doubtless she had lots of lovely pressies on Christmas day too? She will be fine, don't worry.

Lilacroses Thu 26-Dec-13 16:08:37

It's not cruel! How silly! Ok, maybe they ought to have gone straight to the till but probably OP said "ok, I know you like that but do you want to have a look around just to check there's nothing else you like more?" That's a good thing to say, good grief. A child is not going to be damaged by not being allowed to have everything they want. You just have to calmly, kindly explain it to them.

ashamedoverthinker Thu 26-Dec-13 16:16:14

Its ok folks bengal38 'brought' so much insight in their initial post.

SeptemberFlowers Thu 26-Dec-13 16:17:12

Don't be ridiculous Bengal.

At 3.5 she can understand about choosing one item. She had the item got to the till and the OP's child thought about another item, fair enough if you want to look again and decide between the two if she was told she can choose one item.

Yes she got upset but my 3.5 year old was upset earlier that their toy lego plane couldn't go to the moon hmm

You are NOT cruel OP and I would have done the same thing.

FunkyBoldRibena Thu 26-Dec-13 16:30:21

That's how you learn about money surely? Otherwise you end up with spoilt brats who get their own way if they cry.

SkippydedoDaa Thu 26-Dec-13 16:54:47

bengal seriously I'm cruel?

Get real. You can't judge me on one post. Perhaps you can give me a leaf out of your perfect parent book?

soverylucky Thu 26-Dec-13 16:57:21

Op you did the right thing. I believe you start as you mean to go on. 3.5 is old enough to learn that you can't get your own way by crying and making a fuss. I bet she is fine now you are home from the shops. She will soon forget about the other item.

SkippydedoDaa Thu 26-Dec-13 17:01:24

And bengal how do you know it wouldn't break the bank?

Do you have any idea how much clothes for the likes of baby born cost?

Not cruel at all. She was told she could have one thing, not two things. simple enough for a nursery age child to understand.

YouTheCat Thu 26-Dec-13 17:08:27

You explained it simply to her. She's just had a shed load of presents. I think you did the right thing.

Not getting everything you want is an excellent lesson for a child of 3 to learn.

Bengal, if you think the OP is cruel, I must be an absolute monster because when mine were that age any hint of that behaviour would have resulted in going home with nothing. Though tbh, dd would have understood and respected the original concept of one thing only and not made a fuss anyway.

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