Tell me if IABU? Puppy v Baby

(143 Posts)
PMDD Thu 26-Dec-13 10:38:55

I genuinely don't know if IABU. I have a 13 week old Labrador puppy. My db has a 5 week old son, my nephew. I totally believe my new dn is far more important than my puppy. A dog is a dog, a human is a human. However, a dog is still a living creature and I wouldn't want to hurt or damage a dog.

Yesterday (Christmas Day), db came round at 4. As I answered the door he instantly said you need to lock the dog and cats away as dn is here. Dn has never been round my house before so I have never faced this.

I have always locked the cats out for my db as my dsil is very anti cats. She sees them as vermin. They can stay outside as I lock the cat flap.

I locked the puppy in her cage. They only stayed an hour and a half so that was no problem.

Today (Boxing Day), the whole family are coming round for the day. Father, Mother, brother, sister, lots of nieces and nephews and my 3 children are here - there will be 15 of us.

I can't lock my puppy in her cage all day, I don't think it is fair. However, with so many people the doors will be opening and closing constantly so it will be impractical to lock the puppy in 1 room. Also, my house is quite open plan so there isn't an obvious room to lock her in.

I know my db expects my puppy to be locked in her cage. I don't know what to do.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 26-Dec-13 11:10:13

Not sure what your options are, space wise, but I wouldn't contemplate having a dog, esp a puppy in the same room as 5 wo baby.
The baby is utterly defenceless. Puppies bound around and have teeth and non retractable claws.
If it were my baby and you'd rather not shut the dog away I'd rather you just let me know so I could stay at home, no hard feelings.

NaturalBaby Thu 26-Dec-13 11:11:47

Your puppy will grow up and be a constant feature in your home. Your nephew will also grow up and (hopefully) be a regular visitor in your home.

I would have a discussion with your DB at some point about how he expects things to work long term. Your home is now a home with a dog - the dog will always be there, your DB can't expect the puppy/dog to be locked up/out whenever he comes round.

Figure out why your DB has such an issue with the puppy.
What's he going to do when his baby is crawling/walking/running and wants to spend time with your puppy/dog? Your DB can't keep his baby away from the dog forever.

Nanny0gg Thu 26-Dec-13 11:15:29

It's a five week old baby! The puppy won't be near it!

And I bet the cats won't like the crowd so will stay out of the way voluntarily (mine do).

Your house, just be sensible - no doubt the puppy will want a couple of breaks in its crate during the day for peace, but you do what you want.

Your DB and SiL are quite rude!

TheCraicDealer Thu 26-Dec-13 11:15:48

YANBU. Presumably the baby will be constantly passed around the family or in his parents' arms or in a pram or car seat. He's hardly going to be lolling about on the floor looking like a tasty treat for the puppy. If the dog is kept away from the baby (although in the same room) and they're not left unattended then I can't see your DB's issue. And I'm not a "dog person".

Sounds like your SIL has issues around animals generally. This is the start of it!

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 11:15:49

Puppy and baby will quickly learn to deal with each other if puppy is allowed to have a little sniff, and is rewarded for being gentle, not jumping etc.

hmm
I certainly wouldn't allow a 5 week old baby, and definitely not my baby, to be sniffed by a dog, let alone a puppy.

PMDD Thu 26-Dec-13 11:21:06

My puppy is very (extremely) well socialised, but as a puppy she does jump up and "mouth", which we are working on. However, it can hurt when she "mouths".

DN I am sure will be held by family members or put in a carry cot, which can be left out of my puppy's reach.

DSil is Spanish and pretty much sees animals with one purpose, to work or to eat. She does not understand at all the need to have a cat as a pet. It is totally alien to her.

I don't mind locking the cats out if it is dry. If it is hammering down I lock them in one of our bedrooms. They are fine with it.

However, a dog is different. You can't lock it in a cage for hours and hours on end. I could for up to 3 hours but after about an hour and a half she will be crying and wining to come out. Actually, barking like crazy.

My db won't see it that way. He hadn't even crossed the threshold yesterday when he said to put all the animals away. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a minagery, I am very clean and tidy. But they are anally retentive about the baby.

We are not allowed the TV on loud or music on loud in case it hurts my dn ears! Or wake him up.

As I have 3 children I am an old hand at the baby thing and it drives me crazy. However, I can't say anything as they have to learn themselves.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 26-Dec-13 11:22:12

A puppy sniffing a tiny baby???!!

Ohi'm sure it's fine.
Like they all are until we hear about them on the news. confused

eurochick Thu 26-Dec-13 11:24:15

What harm do you think a dog sniffing a baby is going to do?!

I agree with the majority. The puppy shouldn't be locked away, nor should the cats (but they will probably take themselves off somewhere quiet anyway). The baby will presumably be held for most of the day as it is so small.

The dog will probably get over-excited with so many new people anyway and need to stay with you or have a little rest in its cage.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 11:25:05

As I suggested earlier, could you keep the dog restricted by a leash somewhere in the house, at least part of the time. so that he can still be active and socialise, but won't go near the baby by accident?

On the other hand, if the dog was travelling, for example, it would have to be contained for hours. I'm sure it won't harm it just for a day.

PMDD Thu 26-Dec-13 11:25:15

I will def lock puppy away when people arrive - that is a great idea. Also when we eat. I do that anyway.

It is just throughout the day. Puppy will want to be with everyone. She will just sit there or go from person to person and expect to be petted and loved. She will then sit back down, or even take herself off to her cage anyway.

Lweji Thu 26-Dec-13 11:26:03

What harm do you think a dog sniffing a baby is going to do?!

It's not the actual sniffing I'd worry about. Do you really have to ask?

PacificDingbat Thu 26-Dec-13 11:27:11

You are right, OP, they will have to learn their own way.

In the meantime, do what you are comfortable doing - compromise re the animals will be requires if you want DB and SiL visiting by the sounds of it.

Anybody who is so worries about introducing a dog to a new family member: do you have any experience of how this is done? This kind of early socialisation is one of the things that helps prevents tragedies.

But anyway, every family will have their own take on this. I understand how your SiL's take on animals will be v different although pets are not unknown in Spain wink.

Vivacia Thu 26-Dec-13 11:27:54

I think you were wrong to lock the puppy in the cage for anything more than 20 minutes to be honest (we don't use them at all). Two years time do you plan to have a fully grown labrador barking in a cage for 2 hours every time somebody visits?

Are you able to designate a pet-free room whilst so many people are in the room? Apart from that it's my opinion that your dog needs to learn to be calm and not stressed when people visit. She similarly needs somewhere to retreat to when it all gets too much and she's ready for a nap. Make sure visitors know not to bother her when she goes to her bed.

PMDD Thu 26-Dec-13 11:28:19

On the leash - another good idea. Yes I could do that in the lounge. That will be a good compromise with my brother.

By the way, as my puppy is jumpy and mouthy I wouldn't let her sniff any baby. I hold her back with any small child even on the street. She isn't at all aggressive but she is full of puppy exuberance.

I sometimes lock her away in her cage for 10 mins or so when she gets riled up with my own children.

I am trying to be reasonable, but I have a responsibility to both my puppy and nephew - but then again, it is only 1 day and we are home for 2 weeks with her. She will be getting a lot of attention.

Nanny0gg Thu 26-Dec-13 11:30:11

We are not allowed the TV on loud or music on loud in case it hurts my dn ears! Or wake him up.

It's your house! You have children so I am sure you know how to treat babies!

If they want quiet then I suggest the baby is put upstairs in a bedroom to sleep - suggest they bring the monitor.

Job done.

They need to get over themselves in other peoples' houses.

PMDD Thu 26-Dec-13 11:30:31

I can't really lock her in a room as we have an open plan house. Even the loo is about the same size as the cage, at least the cage is in the kitchen/dining/family room so she can see what is going on - but also bark to be let out!!

TarkaTheOtter Thu 26-Dec-13 11:35:01

I don't like dogs, but seriously the cage is unnecessary. Just don't let puppy near baby. How hard can it be? From the sounds of it your db is unlikely to put his pfb down unattended anyway.
I think once the baby is crawling and toddling about it'll be trickier but at 5 weeks, this is a non issue.

SconeForAStroll Thu 26-Dec-13 11:35:18

PMDD please be careful walking the puppy for a long time - labs are really prone to joint issues (sorry, sure you know this) and shouldn't really be walked for more than 20mins/half an hour until they are over 12 months old.

Your brother and dsil are batshit, even a mouthy puppy won't be able to get near a 5wk old baby, and if it does it is their fault.

My labs were 9months old when my dd was born and there were never any problems.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 26-Dec-13 11:40:58

Well if you don't want/ can't shut the puppy away i would make sure the baby is always being held, or in another room when it's sleeping (with a monitor) if the dog is unleashed in the room. If the baby is on the floor the dog could easily tread on it. I have seen awful facial injuries on a baby from a dog jumping up in a friendly manner. Scarred for life.
The dog shouldn't be allowed to sniff the baby because of licking (dog's bum- baby's mouth!!) but mainly becuase of the mouthing you describe. Which could seriously injure a baby's skin. Obviously!

LucyLasticKnickers Thu 26-Dec-13 11:43:00

a dog will give a little sniff, they always sniff.

Kundry Thu 26-Dec-13 12:06:26

Frankly I wouldn't lock the cats away either. The only person I lock them away for is allergic to them. Otherwise it's my house, my rules - I come with cats.

My ILs are a non-animal family and probably think they are dirty. Well tough, it does them good to see that other people and families are different.

TheRealAmandaClarke Thu 26-Dec-13 12:09:18

I just think ppl underestimate the degree of distance/ supervision required to prevent a serious injury or worse with dogs and babies.
So, encouraging the dog to go up to the baby and sniff it it I'll advised.

Babymamaroon Thu 26-Dec-13 12:12:33

Number 1: it's your house so your rules. Number 2: it really wouldn't be kind to lock the puppy in the cage for prolonged periods of time. I think your idea of a really long walk is great and a sleep in the cage will be fine. Your db sounds a little precious but I wouldn't pander to it personally. A nice compromise is what you're suggesting, a couple of hours sleeping then play time with the family. As long a the puppy isn't bouncing on the sofas I can't see what the problem is. Enjoy your day today too smile

CiderBomb Thu 26-Dec-13 12:16:23

Anyone who turned up at my house and told me to shut my dog away would be told to fuck off. My dog is a much loved member of my family and it's his home as well, he's not a nasty dog and I'd never leave him (or any dog) unsupervised around children.

Vivacia Thu 26-Dec-13 12:23:20

a really long walk is great

No, it's not. A couple of short walks during a long visit is wiser.

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