Dp sort of proposed last night. He said by this time next year he wants us to be living together, engaged and to have set a date for our wedding. These are things I've wanted for years but now I'm not so sure.
Backstory: We've been together for 4.5 years. He dragged his feet with sorting out divorce, debts and child contact but I've stood by him - even helping to support him financially so he could sort out his debts, caring for his children etc. I work part time and am studying full time for a degree which I've almost completed and am predicted a first. I then planned to do my PGCE as I've always wanted to teach. I have a 5 year old and we have a one year old together. We were living together when I fell pregnant but his debts meant it was only for a few months and the children and I got our own place while he moved in with his mum.
I have done everything for our one year old alone as well as working and studying. The children and I are happy and settled. They love dp when he visits too. He has a job which involves long hours/odd shifts and so cannot be relied upon to help with the children and childcare. Therefore he has suggested that I become a SAHM when I move in as my teachers salary wouldn't be much after paying for childcare as his salary is too high for tax credits. He thinks I can do my PGCE in 5/6 years when our child is settled at school but by then I'll be 38 which I think is late to start. Plus I've studied hard recently and don't want to waste it.
Another point that makes me reticent is that he said he wouldn't tell his ex we were living together and engaged, nor inform her of the wedding - he'd let their children tell her after the event. He has a history of pandering to her and I don't want to feel like a dirty secret.
I spoke to him about my reservations about moving in and my career and suggested we live separately for another 4/5 year's so I can get established enough to then have the option to work part time. He said he wants to move in asap even though we could easily save enough for a house deposit and wedding in that time. Moving in asap means me being a SAHM without us having any spare money and me having no career.
AIBU to say no now what I want(ed) is on offer? He's incredulous that I'm not jumping at the offer.
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Please
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AIBU?
to turn down dps proposal?
67 replies
jinglemel · 25/12/2013 15:36
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NatashaBee ·
25/12/2013 16:02
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