WIBU to have bought a present for my children that is just from me?

[Freddiefrog]

and not jointly with DH, only this has caused massive ructions this morning.

When my girls were little they used to love that Little Nutbrown Hare book so I used to read it with them a lot and over the years the "I love you to the moon and back again" line became a bit of a "thing" we'd say to each other when I tucked them in at night, first day at school, whatever.

So, last night unable to sleep, I was mooching around on Facebook and came across the page of a local wood/crafty business and saw they were selling little moons made from wood reclaimed from a local pier with the "I love you....." phrase on them, thought "awww" and sent a message ordering 1 each for my girls. They were only a couple of quid each and thought they would just be a sweet reminder that they could hang up above their beds

It was 3am so never actually expected a reply or anything straight away and certainly never expected to receive them before Christmas, but obviously the same storm that was keeping me awake was having the same effect on them as they messaged straight back and very kindly delivered them 1st thing this morning so I thought I could give the moons to the girls tonight when I tuck them into bed

DH is having a bit of a shit fit as I've excluded him from a gift and I'm out of order for buying a present from just me

DH has never read the book, didn't know where the line was from or anything about it, it's always been a "thing" between me and the girls.

So, have a committed a cardinal sin? I just saw them and thought they were just something my girls would appreciate

[Onesleeptillwembley]

Yes, that seems a very odd (could be seen as spiteful to exclude though I don't think that was intended) thing to do.

[melonribena]

I don't think it's odd at all. It sounds like a lovely thing between you and your girls.

[ChatNicknameUnavailable]

Just to buy them without consulting your DH...no yanbu. I've bought lots in my own, as has DH because we've seen something and made a spur of the moment purchase.

I would never dream of giving them a gift as just from me though, so in that yabu.

Why can't you give it to them jointly?

[goshhhhhh]

Buying the gift no yanbu but giving it alone - it's like saying I love you more than daddy, don't you agree?

[Enb76]

I don't think it's weird but then my parents never did joint presents (even though they were together). I think it's lovely to have something just from you.

[Freddiefrog]

Well, it's not just from me, I don't really care who they come from, I wasn't going to put a gift tag on from me or anything. They're wrapped in tissue paper so I was just going to leave them on their pillows or something

He thinks I'm excluding him as the "I love you......" thing has always been a "thing" between me and the girls. He's never read the book or anything, doesn't know anything about it.

[llamallama]

I don't think it's odd, it's a special thing between you and your girls. My DH wouldn't bat an eyelid at this.

Incidentally what was the company called? These sound lovely!

[Freddiefrog]

Sorry, posted early by mistake

He thinks I'm excluding him as the "I love you......" thing has always been a "thing" between me and the girls. He's never read the book or anything, doesn't know anything about it and therefore it's clearly just from me

[ChatNicknameUnavailable]

In that case yanbu, he is bu.

I've bought ds1 a game that we always play together and DH doesn't. It will be from both of us though.

I thought you were going to put a gift tag on 'from mummy'. If not then I really don't see an issue.

[fuzzywuzzy]

I'm in the minority here, but I think it's really lovely and clearly has a significance for you and your girls, it would be meaningless from your husband if he's never been a part of the book reading and saying it to your girls.

It's not a significant Christmas or birthday gift which you've excluded him from it's something you've come across and it's reminded you of your thing so you bought it and gifted it. I do that with friends and family on occasion there's no big deal in giving small gifts occasionally doesn't have to be gifted with great big fanfare and everyone names listed alphabetically on the tag!

Providing you would not expect him to include you on something your girls and husband do together if it was a small but meaningful gesture, I think he's being strange.

[TheRobberBride]

YANBU.

You saw something you thought your girls would like a bought it for them. You are not writing 'from Mummy' on the card or anything and he is not being excluded.

I really don't understand why he has a problem with this.

[MrsDavidBowie]

I thInk your dh is behaving like a knob, frankly.
I often do this...see little things which have particular relevance to something in the childrens' lives, and give it to them saying "I saw this and thought of you".
I do it to friends as well.

Perhaps he should give them the gift himself and explain in great detail what it means.....which of course he couldn't.

[Freddiefrog]

clearly has a significance for you and your girls, it would be meaningless from your husband if he's never been a part of the book reading and saying it to your girls

This is where I'm coming from. I saw something that made me smile and is significant. It would be meaningless coming from DH but can I really never buy anything that has significance for me and the girls in case DH feel excluded?

He's never read the book through his own choice, I never stopped him reading it to them - he did the Gruffalo, complete with special voices, if he wanted to do something with that, then go for your life, it's something I wasn't involved with and is significant to them

[AnythingNotEverything]

I think he is jealous that you and the girls have a "thing" that he isn't part of.

If you we're going to put "from mummy" on the label I would've said YWBU but in this car I think he is.

[TeaOneSugar]

He's being a bit dramatic.

Guilt ???

[MelanieRavenswood]

I agree with MrsDB - it's clearly a "saw this and thought of you" type thing - if he had some kind of in-joke going with the girls and got them something associated with it then that would be the same! Now if all the gifts were something that was just about you and them then I could see his point but this was just a sweet gesture from you. Hopefully he'll get over it in time.

[Caitlin17]

Good grief. OH and I never did and still don't do joint presents for our son.

[lokidoki]

Yanbu. My DH always gets 1 present each for both DCs that is just from him. It is usually something small but meaningful.

We each have our own relationships with our DCs as well as our joint parenting relationship.

It would never occur to me to be pissed off about DHs gifts.

[Caitlin17]

And we tag them from Maw or from Paw. Your husband is making a fuss about nothing.

[Freddiefrog]

Thanks

I don't know if it's guilt, he has nothing to feel guilty about. He certainly did his share of the tucking in and story reading. He just did his own thing with them that I had no part of

I don't know about jealousy either really, again, he did his own stuff with them and it was a complete fluke that I found the moons and I never expected to receive them today.

Maybe I should hang into them until it's a less significant date

[Golddigger]

Are you a family that boys go with dad for things and girls with mum?

[Golddigger]

There is no way that we do this sort of thing. We parent together, jointly, always.
I know a family like I just described and it is quietly tearing them apart, piece by piece.

[Freddiefrog]

No, we have girls.

I do stuff with them on my own, he does stuff with them on his own and we do stuff all together.

[Topaz25]

YANBU. He is. Why would he want to deny your children something that will have special meaning to them simply because he doesn't share that meaning? It's not their fault he never bothered to read their favorite book! You're not going to make a big deal about the present only being from you. He's welcome to create a special tradition with them too. At the end of the day, this is about the children, not him.

[Caitlin17]

golddiggerbeing a family with children doesn't mean you are 1 body with 2 or more heads. Having to do everything jointly sounds more like insecurity to me.Giving separate presents has worked for us for over 20 years and we haven't imploded.
Son and I also went on a separate holiday on our own in the October break from when he was 7, which we still do, although he's all grown up now.