To want to see my partner on Christmas day ??

(70 Posts)
nosnowagain Tue 24-Dec-13 10:00:55

Me & 'D'P don't live together , I have one Ds .

I have been asking him to come round for a few hours Christmas morning which is not unreasonable as he has been working all week so not seen him .
He kept saying it depends what his mum is doing, he is 30 and does not live at home .

I just had a text from him saying that his Grandad has been given 24 hours to live , he was fine yesterday so I'm struggling to believe him as it just seems like he has his excuse not to come round as his mum wants him to herself because they are having a family Christmas etc fhmm

We have been together 2 years .

Its not like his mum lives miles away from me as its only a 20 minute walk .
Apparently im a bitch , tbh i havent a clue

nosnowagain Tue 24-Dec-13 10:43:27

For not believing him .

Wish it was easy to just walk away

Monetbyhimself Tue 24-Dec-13 10:45:37

Did he CALL you a bitch ?

milk Tue 24-Dec-13 10:51:28

Either:

- He goes to see you on Xmas
- He invites you and your DS round to see him and his mum on Xmas
- You dump him!

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Tue 24-Dec-13 10:52:59

Are you in contact with anyone else in his family? A sister on facebook?

If he is lying about this, then that's serious. However, would probably give benefit of doubt - so which hospital, treatment, how are your parents etc

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat Tue 24-Dec-13 10:55:26

Why would you want to be with him if he doesn't want to see you at all on Christmas Day?

livinginawinterwonderland Tue 24-Dec-13 11:01:04

Why are you with him? You think he's lying when he says his granddad has 24 hours to live. It can happen. It happened to DP a few months ago. Granddad was fine (old, but but other than that, fine). Then, we got a phone call to say he was in hospital, and he died about 14 hours later. If it's true, he deserves your support, especially so close to Christmas. That must be horrible.

But, that aside, he obviously doesn't want to spend Christmas Day with you, and although he may have been invited to his mums, he didn't invite you or DS or offer to spend at least Christmas Eve/Morning/Boxing Day with you. Why would you be with someone who doesn't want to see you at all over Christmas? Surely that's the ideal time for family and spending time with the people you love.

5Foot5 Tue 24-Dec-13 11:31:19

I think I agree with doasyouwouldbedoneby. It sounds like you are seeing this relationship in a different light to him. I am not sure on what basis you start calling someone a "partner" but if you don't yet live together and don't yet have children together then I would be hesitant to describe him as your "partner"

Maybe the relationship isn't that serious to him yet as it is to you?

As to the truth of the grandfather situation - well who can say but I don't think you can safely question it. If you really were "partners" you would surely be familiar with his family and their state of health and any crises that had occurred.

DontmindifIdo Tue 24-Dec-13 13:37:22

If you are in contact with any of hte rest of his family, I'd send a message saying "hi XXX, [DP] has told me your grandfather isn't very well. If there's anything I can do, do let me know. Thinking of you all. X"

If he's lying, you'll find out shortly, even if he's just lying about the seriousness of his grandfather's illness.

If you don't trustyour partner over something like this, then don't move in with him or tie yourself to a liar, they rarely become easier to deal with.

Gruntfuttock Tue 24-Dec-13 13:41:51

If you're close enough to be planning to move in together, why aren't you close enough to be invited to his mum's on Christmas Day?

WooWooOwl Tue 24-Dec-13 13:42:01

You and he want different things out of this relationship. If he wanted to spend time with you on Christmas Day, he would. Whether his grandad is dying or not.

TheEndTisHere Tue 24-Dec-13 13:48:07

If you're not invited then he is spending Christmas with his wife.

HyvaPaiva Tue 24-Dec-13 14:01:41

How is he your partner? You have no ties to each other whatsoever. He's just some guy you don't trust.

QuacksForDoughnuts Tue 24-Dec-13 14:16:38

People do lie about things like that. My ex played around with my heartstrings a whole lot with stories about the death of his younger child, who later turned out never to have existed. On the other hand, people who lie about anything that serious make shite partners, so if you really think it's a likely story you need out of there sharpish.

HairyGrotter Tue 24-Dec-13 15:29:38

You've been together 2 years and haven't had a Christmas together? Has he ever said why he doesn't invite you to his mums?

I'd end it, go find someone who wants a family

flatpans Tue 24-Dec-13 15:50:42

I don't think it's that strange to not spend Christmas with a partner/boyfriend after two years, especially if you're not living together. The first Christmas I spent with DH was the year we got married, after we'd been a couple for five years - before that he'd always gone to his parents (in a different city) and I went to mine. Generally in our extended family, couples only get invited to the Christmas family meal once they're engaged/co-habiting. I wouldn't have wanted to bring home all the various men I'd dated for family dinners, there's no need for that until the relationship is serious and I wouldn't consider it to be serious until you've actually moved in/got married.

I think the fact that you don't believe him is the real issue here. I have dated someone who'd make up similar things and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time on him. There's no point taking the relationship much further once that level of trust has gone.

NurseRoscoe Tue 24-Dec-13 15:58:35

I didn't spend Christmas with my partner the first year we were together as Christmas is meant for family in our eyes. Granted my parents live 200 miles away and his family are 5 mins away so it made sense but the point does still stand, if you aren't living together then spend Xmas with your families and see each other another day over the festive period. Don't make it the end if the world, make it all about your son. Doesn't mean you have to dump him, the meaning Of Christmas is different to every person and family

Athrodiaeth Tue 24-Dec-13 16:08:37

Sounds like he's spending it with his wife.

Or, there's a very odd reason a man of 30 cannot split the day between his family and his own relationship. Or, hey, invite you and your son to dinner at his mum's. Or...

Well, anything, really.

diddl Tue 24-Dec-13 16:13:14

"Wish it was easy to just walk away"

Why isn't it?

Jeez, he can't bear to be parted from his mum at all on Christmas Day?

What do you see in him?

foreverondiet Tue 24-Dec-13 16:22:53

Well if his granddad really is dying then you are a bitch.

But if he is lying then the relationship is on the rocks and it might be time to LTB.

I guess time will tell.

TheSmallClanger Tue 24-Dec-13 16:45:58

To be fair to the OP, the "dying relative" is a very, very common lie used by both experienced and casual liars.

OP, have you met his family at any other time? Does he often disappear, or have personal crises at inopportune times?

ImperialBlether Tue 24-Dec-13 16:52:14

I'd ring up and speak to his mum and without saying about his granddad dying, ask lots of questions.

"Can I help at all over Christmas?"
"You will let me know if you need a lift in the middle of the night, won't you? You won't be fit to drive."
"I was horrified to hear the news. When did you find out?"

Etc etc. Bet you my house she won't know what the hell you're on about.

Oh and listen to what he's saying. He doesn't see you as family. He doesn't want to spend Christmas with you. I think you'd be making a big mistake moving in with him.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 24-Dec-13 18:28:27

If you have been together for so long why aren't you and your son also invited to his moms for the Christmas celebration? Surely you must have a relationship with her and if you are at the point of moving in with her son then surely she sees you all as a joint package?? I don't understand why you aren't part of it....

EllaFitzgerald Tue 24-Dec-13 18:31:33

Do his family know about your plans to move in together? If not, then that speaks volumes. If so, then it's a little strange that you haven't been invited. Do you get on with his family?

nosnowagain Wed 25-Dec-13 00:53:12

Sorry I got caught up with everything

Yes his family know of our plans etc .
I had a little look on his Dsis' fb and she was just saying how excited she is for Christmas etc so the Grandad thing can't be true knob

He hasn't moved in with me as I refused to let him move in until he had a job , he only got a job last week hence why we finally made plans to move in together .

Guess I'm a fool once again fsad.

pictish Wed 25-Dec-13 00:55:41

I think he's got another girlfriend.
Sorry. x

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