Dsis charging for Christmas dinner.

(363 Posts)
MercuryRising Tue 24-Dec-13 02:11:17

Hi.
We are going to my dsis for Christmas dinner this year. This is the first year she has hosted.
In previous years my dmum or I have hosted and on these years have footed the bill except if somebody has offered to bring alcohol or puddings with them. I have just had a text from my dsis telling me that she has worked out the bill and it is £16 per head so I need to pay £64 for me, dp and 2dc (5 and 7). Now I do not consider myself to be tight but feel angered about the way this has been done because it really does feel that she is charging her own dniece and dnephew to eat. Aibu to feel rattled by this?

MercuryRising Tue 24-Dec-13 02:43:38

Im not sure they will Zigzag. My stepdad mentioned this to me prior to the text tonight and said that he felt that it is only right everybody contributes. Which I agree is fair but surely like somebody said upthread you either ask people to bring some food or contribute alcohol or an unspecified financial contribution. My ddad is coming and is on dla it just makes me cross that she will be charging him as well - surely if you want paying you don't offer to host? The plan is definitely to come away as soon as possible I think - I'm rubbish at not expressing what I am thinking but will not let this ruin our family day sad

Shit, was waiting to be flamed.

One BIL refused to pay anyway and we only found out MIL led this contribution as she was embarrassed at jus refusal. We didn't ask ILs for contribution as they did Christmas dinner in past when there were less of us.

Lavenderhoney Tue 24-Dec-13 02:49:10

Its outrageous. Also, not very Christmassy to spring it on you.

Didn't you mention when you spoke to her all the time she had eaten at yours and not been charged? And to charge for the children! If she couldn't afford it - and it must be really extravagant to charge this much- she should have said ages ago or just not spent so much/ talked to someone. Ask her if this is the case as she may have had good intentions but not liked the expense- but pushing the cost onto family where you have enjoyed hospitality in the past!

I'm afraid there is a big difference between your dsis house where you will be expected to help before and after, be pleasant, say how amazing the food is and a restaurant you have chosen to go to, cooked by professionals and a menu chosen by you, no cleaning, and you can complain and get your money back if the food is dreadful, ie burnt and ruined.

I would probably want an itemised bill, as £16 a head for at least 6 people is a lot of money for Christmas dinner.
And what about next year?

TheRobberBride Tue 24-Dec-13 02:50:12

YANBU

It's outrageous for her to do this. £16 for a two year old. Really??

If she couldn't afford to host Christmas dinner then she could have tastefully asked for contributions in the form of pudding, crackers etc.

My parents are hosting Christmas for the extended family this year. We all appreciate that it can get expensive. So my DB is buying the turkey, I've bought the beef for Boxing Day and my SIL is making pudding. Everybody was happy to help out.

The way your Sis has gone about it is rude and totally against the spirit of the season IMO.

ravenAK Tue 24-Dec-13 02:50:57

I think it's fine if it's upfront - one person is good at cooking & has space to host, Xmas dinner is expensive - everyone else chips in.

& has time to agree to partake or decline.

Not OK to spring it on invited guests at short notice.

I'd be almost tempted to nip to Sainsburys tomorrovv for the makings of Xmas dinner, vvhich vvill be on half price by then, & text dsis to let her knovv change of plan - tell her she's vvelcome at your NYE bash, you're just finalising menus & vvill let her knovv hovv much...

MercuryRising Tue 24-Dec-13 02:51:33

Madame I would have quite happily given her £20 per adult head in advance. It is the offer to host and then deciding she is 'charging' which has vexed me. My dmum is hosting a dinner at hers on 27th but she would never ask for money - everybody will just turn up with plenty of wine. Dmum will just want an easy life because it is Christmas which I understand. At least I know where we won't be spending Christmas next yearwink

Hawkmoth Tue 24-Dec-13 02:54:11

Imagining her sitting in her kitchen with receipts, calculator and energy costs at 2am Xmas Eve. It's actually quite an odd thing to be doing sad

Whatever happened to "I'll bring a trifle"?

Trapper Tue 24-Dec-13 02:57:34

Have you checked to make sure service is included?
Tell her you have a Taste Card too...

AgentZigzag Tue 24-Dec-13 02:58:27

sad she's charging your dad too.

That's pretty harsh/unfeeling isn't it?

Especially given the spirit of the season.

I would call her on asking money for your dad and your children. Say you'll pay for you/your DH but you're ashamed for her because she's charged your children (full adult price) and will be taking money from someone who is managing on very little but would go without rather than not pay.

Maybe she thinks she's being fair asking for equal shares, but she really should know how badly she's handled it.

Are you not tempted to say 'that's fine, the kids will share a portion like they do when we go out as they don't eat much, here's 48 quid'

Agree there is a massive difference between being upfront about this so guests can choose and having it sprung on you. I've been and had parties where the financial costs are shared and where you bring contributions of food and wine. The difference being this info was there from the beginning so guests are free to choose to accept it and come or decline.

Snort at tastecard grin

AgentZigzag Tue 24-Dec-13 03:05:12

And why £16?

The majority would round it down to £15, sounds like you're right about the amount of detail in it Hawk.

It must be very important to her whatever her reason.

MercuryRising Tue 24-Dec-13 03:06:04

Thank you zigzag. I'm not going to pull her on the dc as I don't want to give her the satisfaction - she loves to think she is better than us and will assume we can't afford it. But I will have a word about my ddad. If I had known how she was going to behave I would have had dinner at home with ddad but it is too late to change plans now - you live and learn.

MercuryRising Tue 24-Dec-13 03:08:48

YellowDinosaur I would have had no problem with this if it had been upfront because I could have had a say on what we ate - I don't even know what is on the 'menu' or if the dcs will like it!

AgentZigzag Tue 24-Dec-13 03:11:09

Aye, you live and learn.

We learnt early on after DD1 was born and are looking forward to a face-to-face free day, the DD's are happy webcaming/phoning people and we're happy without the stress.

MercuryRising Tue 24-Dec-13 03:15:15

Next year will definitely be spent in our own home! Thank you for 'talking' this through with me I feel a lot better now. Best get some sleep now my rage has subsided. Merry Christmasgrin

deepfriedsage Tue 24-Dec-13 03:19:52

I wound get your purse out, tell the dc the money and say Aunty wants thecash for dinner. I would downgrade her gift too, have you a flannel you could wrap up? Bring her gift back for a refund.

Pitmountainpony Tue 24-Dec-13 03:31:05

The one Xmas we went to sil she asked us to bring lots of food items with us. Then the husband asked for our share to the specially picked bird as he only does quality cuts....meat snob.....well our share was 40 quid.
The meal was dry, bland and not cooked with joy as the bil was in a bad mood.
Then they buggered off after the meal leaving us to entertain the mil.
Suddenly my own family Xmases seemed joyful in comparison. It actually made me feel really sad.
Suffice to say we bob ever ever went to them for Xmas again...it was expensive and it was shite too.
I feel your pain.

minesapackofminstrels Tue 24-Dec-13 03:40:46

YANBU. She should have gone about this a very different way if she can't afford it.
Please come back after Xmas and tell us all how it went though. fgrin

Defnotsupergirl Tue 24-Dec-13 03:42:43

I'd be going to the supermarket tomorrow and buying enough for DDad and my DH and kids and telling her to stuff it and have ours at home. Even if it was a lesser lunch- the idea of going to hers would now be terrible. Offering to host then springing a charge. It's nothing to do with whether you can pay, everything to do with how rude she is being.

CeQueLEnfer Tue 24-Dec-13 03:46:33

She is far from short of money... she earns about double our household income.

I cannot abide meanness. I wouldn't go, sorry. I am not suggesting you do this AT ALL, but I would tell her to do one. I would say "sorry, we can't really afford to come - we've decided to stay home."

sykadelic15 Tue 24-Dec-13 03:56:41

I'd love to respond - "In that case, I'd like to place my order now. I'd like X, Y and Z. After all, if I'm paying for a meal I should dictate the food. Also, I have taken the time to deduct the amount you still owe for previous functions and look forward to you settling your account with us of $113 at that time. See you at Christmas!"

The utter nerve!

MistressDeeCee Tue 24-Dec-13 04:09:44

Why oh why does christmas make some people go off their heads? Whats wrong with your DSis? Charging you for xmas dinner?! Id decline..the cheek of it, when she's partaken of your hospitality freely in the past. This has to be one of the craziest christmas situations Ive heard of...& she felt the need to point out its cheaper than a meal out?!! No..I wouldnt go it'd be thanks but no thanks we'll stay at home. I cant bear mean, tightfisted people I wouldnt want a thing from her.

BitOfFunWithSanta Tue 24-Dec-13 04:10:09

She is your SISTER. Just tell her like it is and say "You're having a bloody laugh, aren't you? Me and mum have hosted for years, and never asked for money. Fine, ask us to bring a bottle or a pudding, but Jesus, what are you on?"

FourArms Tue 24-Dec-13 04:16:40

As a family we've always split the bill, but that's because I've hosted every year (biggest house / only one with DC). It's still a good deal for all as I just split the Tesco Christmas shop bill, not all the other bits you buy from Sept onwards. I can imagine Xmas day lunch is easily £16pp without drink - turkey crowns in Sainsburys were £65 this evening.

However YANBU because we always split the bill. If I'd paid for everything for 10 years and then someone gave me a bill the year they'd hosted I'd be a bit cross.

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