To be so fairly furious with ds's school/teacher

(112 Posts)
DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:16:44

Ds1 is 5, in Year 1. Every Monday they take £1 'fruit money' in and then have a piece of fruit with milk in the afternoon. I put the £1 in ds's bookbag every Monday which he then takes out and hands in.
There are two kids in the class that won't eat fruit, so never have it. As far as I know, everyone else (20 + kids) do.

So tonight, I'm putting the dc to bed and ds asks in a really sad voice 'Mummy, can you give Mrs X a pound tomorrow?' I ask why and he says so that he can have fruit tomorrow and Friday. On further questioning, he says that he didn't have £1 on Monday so he hasn't been allowed any fruit. He did ask his teacher but she said he couldn't because he hadn't paid.

He then went on to tell me he's gone into the toilets every day this week at fruit time because 'I didn't want the other children to see me crying'.

So I've looked in his bookbag and found the missing £1 - it had gone right down into the bottom corner (took me a good 20 seconds to find it) so ds1 had thought it wasn't in there.

AIBU to be actually quite upset and angry at his teacher? Could a bit of common sense not have been employed? Ds1 is nearly 6 and started at the school the day after his 3rd Birthday. Without fail, EVERY single Monday, he has always had his fruit money.

Surely common sense would say it's some kind of mistake - why didn't the teacher just have a word with me? Ds always has his money in his bookbag...why didn't the teacher check for him when he couldn't find it?

It may seem really petty to some...but to a 5 year old this is such a big deal. He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.
Any insight from teachers who deal with the whole fruit money with young kids would be helpful too.

AIBU to want to have a serious word with the teacher?

Wabbitty Wed 18-Dec-13 20:19:00

Why didn't your son mention it to you earlier?

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:19:03

Oops at 'So fairly furious'...typo in my anger!

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:20:29

I did ask him but he just said he didn't think of it Wabbitty. To be fair, we have had a really busy week (two birthdays and a Christmas fair) so we've been out every night and not a lot of down time.

YouTheCat Wed 18-Dec-13 20:21:17

What a cow! They always have fruit left over anyway due to illness/kids not liking that particular fruit. She could have let him have some and then address the matter to you at home time. No skin off her nose and no one out of pocket.

noblegiraffe Wed 18-Dec-13 20:21:34

The teacher probably didn't have a word with you because she forgot. It's not going to be that high on her list of priorities at the end of term even if it is yours.

These things happen. Perhaps put the pound in an envelope or somewhere more easily found in the future?

Garcia10 Wed 18-Dec-13 20:21:36

At his age I would ask him every Monday evening whether he had given the money it. It isn't the teachers responsibility to check it is yours.

YABU.

Finola1step Wed 18-Dec-13 20:22:28

YABU about the money. It took you 20 seconds to find the £1 coin. Was the teacher supposed to spend time rooting around in the book bag?

But YANBU about the crying. I would be concerned that the teacher had not noticed that your dc had been crying in the toilets. If he really had been crying properly, it would be v difficult for such a young child to compose themselves properly before returning class. This is what you need to find out about.

CrohnicallySick Wed 18-Dec-13 20:22:29

Are you in the uk? If so, the fruit is provided free for all infant children! The teacher should not be withholding the fruit if someone hasn't paid. The money will be paying for the milk, and if someone hasn't paid they should be provided with water.

HarderToKidnap Wed 18-Dec-13 20:22:46

Miserable cow. I wonder why these people choose to work with littlies?

Bowlersarm Wed 18-Dec-13 20:24:32

Although I think it is a bit of a shame that your DS has missed his fruit this week, I think you are over reacting. Make it easier for him to get to his £1 next time, put it in an envelope, or buttoned pocket.

OrangePixie Wed 18-Dec-13 20:24:52

Given that you're good for the money usually, it would have been reasonable to assume you'd made a mistake and just given him the fruit and asked you for £2 next week. I would be cross in your shoes.

Finola1step Wed 18-Dec-13 20:25:34

Forgot to add ... I am a teacher and yes we are all a bit stressed and tired etc as its the end of term. But I would like to think if a child in my care was crying in the toilets, then I would know.

Wolfiefan Wed 18-Dec-13 20:26:14

I would be tempted to turn up after the holidays with an envelope containing a pound for each week they are at school. Hand it to the teacher. No longer your problem!
(In all seriousness why aren't they asking parents to prepay? They really expect children this age to take in the money and remember to pay it in?)

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:26:59

Chronicallysick...yes we are in the UK.

Are you sure? Because ds1 has had his milk...he's just not been allowed any fruit with it. I've always thought the milk was free but the fruit needed to be paid for.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 18-Dec-13 20:27:40

Yanbu for being upset on your ds behalf, but yab a little u at what you wanted the teacher to do. Good idea above about putting the money in an envelope and checking on a Monday.

gobbynorthernbird Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:16

Unfortunately, this is another case of the minority spoiling it for the majority. There are too many parents who don't bother for teachers to assume that debts will be caught up with.

Shroomboom Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:40

I'm a TA working with children who are 4 and 5, and I would've gone to have a look in your ds's bag. Seems a bit mean, especially seeing as the teacher should've noticed that your ds was getting upset about it. Poor boy sad YANBU.

MrsWedgeAntilles Wed 18-Dec-13 20:28:50

Oh poor wee soul, that's very sad.
I would have a word with the teacher. I wouldn't go through her, just let her know what happened and how upset wee DS was and hopefully that would be enough to stop things like this happening again.

Just on a tangent how does fruit time work? Is is at all worrying that a little boy was able to hide in the toilets 3 times without the teacher noticing?

Your poor DS, mine would have probably not told me until much later either. I've forgotten milk money before and DS's teacher has still given him milk and then reminded me about the money. Did your DS's teacher not wonder where he was while the others were eating/drinking?

I guess you'll know next time to check with him each Monday that he's given in his money because the teacher won't check. Is there any option to pay for a term/half term in advance?

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:05

WolfieFan...when ds1 started school I can remember asking if I could pay in advance every term but was told no, it had to be £1 every week. I don't think that 'rule' has changed as everyone I know in both dc's classes still pays weekly.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:09

I'm in the UK and we pay for milk and fruit at our school.from the term they turn 5.

My yr1 DD definitely gets free fruit at school. We supply one piece for morning snack and the afternoon one is supplied by the school.

On the other hand, we have to pay for milk once they are of compulsory school age, which for DD was January of YR, as she is a December baby.

YouTheCat Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:42

Fruit is free for infants, I'm pretty sure.

It'll be the milk you're paying for.

There will be loads of fruit left over on Friday anyway and it will all end up in the bin. It's a total waste.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 18-Dec-13 20:31:23

Perhaps a small over reaction in your choice of words but his teacher should have let him have fruit as you've always paid reliably.

But asking him to find a £1 coin in a book bag is a bit daft - I'm amazed this is the first time that he's not been able to find it. Why not just put it in a little envelope with his name on it?

I'm not sure if this would be allowed at your school, but I just send both of ours in on the first day of each term with a cheque £1xhowever many weeks there are in that term. There's no need to remember weekly then!

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