to think my DH should have agreed with me?

(70 Posts)
AddictedtoGreys Wed 18-Dec-13 15:12:07

we have just had a request for someone to view our house tomorrow, bit short notice but OK, we want to get it sold so not going to turn anyone down.

its a man on his own, I said to my DH that I am a bit uncomfortable being here with the man on my own and our baby, as I wouldn't let a random bloke in off the street if he knocked on my door, but that's technically what I will be doing,

he said, "you can't go through life like that"

what the actual fuck.

I would have thought as my husband he would be in to total agreement! I swear he lives with his head in the sand and pays no attention to the horrible things that go on in the real world angry

I just wanted him to come home for an hour, but he can do one now. I will just ask one of my friends.

so am I being unreasonable feeling like I would rather not be Alone with this stranger? shock

SantasComingEarlyHisSackIsFull Wed 18-Dec-13 21:08:56

What NannyOg said. I pride myself on being a scary woman, rather than a scared woman, so it wouldnt bither me, but if you don't like the situation, cancel until your DP in there. DP might object, potential buyer mightn't like it, but tough tits. In the nicest possible way OP, grow a clit and say no if it doesn't suit.

blackandwhiteandredallover Wed 18-Dec-13 21:10:48

YANBU- I would be uncomfortable with this too. I don't really like being alone with workmen in the house either. She is not saying everyone is a potential rapist she is saying she doesn't want to be alone in her own home with a man she doesn't know!

We were once robbed blind by some window fitters- things went missing from the house. It couldn't be proved it was them, but ever since I have felt very uncomfortable about people I don't know in the house.

blackandwhiteandredallover Wed 18-Dec-13 21:15:19

Oh and look at the thread in chat about giving a stranger a lift- the overwhelmimg majority said of course not! This isn't really any different.

WooWooOwl Wed 18-Dec-13 21:15:46

I think you're being silly to not want to show someone round the house you are trying to sell just because he's a man, so there is absolutely no reason why your DH should have agreed with you.

I'm really surprised that it didn't occur to you to use a proper estate agent if you that you would be unwilling to show half of your potential buyers around alone.

IamChristmas Wed 18-Dec-13 21:17:41

I did some lone worker training with the Susie lamplough trust and one of the things they said was listen to your gut. If it feels wrong, don't go there, no matter how much people may scorn you for it. We have instincts for a reason.

AddictedtoGreys Wed 18-Dec-13 21:19:43

thank you for all replies, seems a lot of people agree with me and a lot don't smile

EverybodysStressyEyed Wed 18-Dec-13 21:22:25

Agree with woowoo that you should have used a 'real' estate agent if this would bother you. If you're not desperate to sell you can restrict viewings to when your dh is around but if not you should go with a regular ea

I assume the online ea registers the people viewing the property so he isn't a complete unknown in that the ea will have his details

AddictedtoGreys Wed 18-Dec-13 21:24:49

bohemian girl I don't feel I am doing a disservice to anyone. being concerned about the safety of me and my son has nothing to do with women's rights. am I being a bit paranoid and OTT? probably. and just because I feel uncomfortable on my own in an enclosed space with a man does not mean that man is a bad man or is coming here to do anything other than view my house, its just how I feel.

like I said before, I am in no way judging men as a whole.

and I also have no choice but to do this viewing if I want to get our house sold! wink

SantasComingEarlyHisSackIsFull Wed 18-Dec-13 21:28:26

In a way OP, it doesn't matter whether we agree with you or not. You are not being utterly outrageous in not being comfortable in this situation, even though I would be, so just say no and do it in circumstances that you are comfortable.
"No" is a complete sentence.

ceeveebee Wed 18-Dec-13 21:31:10

Hmm. Kind of agree with you, I wouldn't feel comfortable.
When I sold a pram recently on Gumtree, I arranged for my friend to be there when the guy came to collect it - dont know why but I just suddenly thought that it wouldn't be that sensible to give a stranger my address, mobile phone and then have him hand over a couple of hundred pounds in cash.

Is there a friend or neighbour could pop in instead, to "look after" your DC? Or do the viewing in the evening when DH is home?

"don't know what's wrong with me these days I never used to be like this! "

What other mammals lets unknown males around her post Birth?

None. How old is your baby? It is perfectly normal to feel different whilst you have a young child. I developed a fear of heights after having my eldest DD, it went for a while and reappeared after the birth of my third.

If this is a new thing, then it is post birth instinct. I am surprised that others on this thread didn't pick up on that. Your DH should be understanding of this.

Letting in workmen etc (as said) is different.

I wouldn't worry about being attacked, but depending on what sort of house you live in, your income level etc, it isn't uncommon for house robbers to check out a property via a viewing. They get the bonus of getting info on the neighbours as well.

Besides from that, if you don't come across as confident the viewer may take it that you are covering something up and may ask for a drop on the asking price to cover a full extended structural survey.

BillyBanter Wed 18-Dec-13 23:49:38

I agree with your husband. And I don't think he should agree with you if he doesn't.

BackforGood Thu 19-Dec-13 00:01:48

If you are uncomfortable having a stranger in your house, then it would have seemed more sensible to have gone with a traditional EA, who would have done the viewings for you.
Being self employed, and therefore being able to be flexible with your hours though, doesn't mean that you can be taking time off on a regular basis - I'm lucky enough to have fairly flexible hours, and you'd be amazed how many people forget that I have to make up any time I decide to use for things that are not work related. I do agree with your dh that it would be daft for him to come home for this. If you are nervous though, as you say, you can ask a friend round (would actually be quite helpful in case your baby is unsettled and they can look after him/her and you can still show the person around.)

BackforGood Thu 19-Dec-13 00:02:53

Oh yes, I agree with BillyBanter, I don't think your dh should pretend to agree with you if that's not what he thinks, no. If you can't be honest with your own spouse then it's not a great place to be.

foreverondiet Thu 19-Dec-13 00:17:26

If you aren't using an agent then I think you need to show people round on your own. If you need someone there then get an agent to help you sell.

Joysmum Thu 19-Dec-13 00:48:23

If my husband thought I wasn't happy with something, whether he agreed or not, he'd not dismiss or belittle my feelings but respect them. Visa versa.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 19-Dec-13 01:24:40

Your DH should have listened and tried to understand, not dismissed your concern and told you to be more like him.

I've used the same sort of agent for an empty house I'm trying to sell. I go over there for viewings, many with lone men. Because it's empty, no-one would ever arrive home to find me and I make the arrangement direct, so no-one else knows I have a viewing, unless I tell them.

Mostly I am totally fine with this, have often taken baby dd with me and do tell DP, though he's out all day. But, I do have moments of imagining 'what if', especially when walking up the narrow stairs to the attic bedroom, from which there is no other exit.

I think:
The viewer had no idea who would be showing them around when they requested a viewing.

There are no 'staff pictures' or anything showing what I look like, they'd have no idea about age or anything.

They do see my name or speak to me to arrange, so yes, they could just keep requesting viewings until they get a woman.

They would probably assume I've told someone where I was going, when, meeting who. Of course they could use a false name.

I spend time downstairs first. Easy to get out from. Establish a feeling about them there. Let them walk in front going upstairs. If not comfortable, don't go up to the attic with them - that's never actually happened. I don't go into the cellar with anyone - narrow stairs, no other exit, not much to see.

I did once ask DP to call me during a viewing because I thought a man sounded creepy on the phone. He wasn't, was very nice.

But what I really think is that, if anyone was determined to attack a woman, they could easily attack me at any point in the viewing. No-one would hear or react. Also I don't have magic danger sensors. I can tell an oddball but not an apparently normal psychopath.

So yes, there's a risk. It's more than a walking down the street risk, or having a known tradesman in a family home that others might return to. Someone predatory could exploit the woman showing an empty house scenario quite easily. I just take the risk that there are a very tiny number of such people.

Tapiocapearl Thu 19-Dec-13 07:02:44

I think it's just common spence not to put yourself in a vulnerable predicament with a man. I know it's unlikely that the chap is a violent person/rapist/murderer/child abducter but why would anyone take a chance? You know absolulty nothing about this bloke and can you be sure that any of the details you have about him are true? I'm not wanting to panic you, just make you reflect on how to keep yourself safe.

Tapiocapearl Thu 19-Dec-13 07:04:53

I think you should request that all viewings are at weekends.

EverybodysStressyEyed Thu 19-Dec-13 12:36:29

It's fine restricting viewings but you are restricting your market

If you are desperate to sell you should register with a regular ea

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to do viewings on your own but that doesn't help with selling!

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