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AIBU?

to ask if it's normal to just cut off/ignore people that don't treat you properly and focus on those that do?

48 replies

frasierfanatic · 17/12/2013 23:57

Because I've always done this, right from when I was at secondary school and it just seems normal to me. However I've read various MN threads recently where people have said they find people who cut others off weird.

I very rarely fall out with anyone, I just sort of disengage if I realise that they're not a nice person or if they do something unkind towards me. I might say a brief 'hello' if I see them, but a couple of people have pissed me off so much that I now just walk past them and totally blank them. One of these is a mum at my DCs school; her daughter was regularly unpleasant to my DD a couple of years ago, and the mum tried to turn the tables and blame my DD, and sent me several nasty texts. I decided not to even bother speaking to her anymore, and now just walk past her.

To add, I have lots of lovely friends, and am always making new acquaintances, and generally do 'get on' with people. I think I just don't/won't tolerate people acting in a shitty manner towards me.

OP posts:

Report

MissMarplesBloomers · 18/12/2013 00:00

Good for you, far less angst that way!

Normal is overated anyway

Merry Christmas!

hiddenhome · 18/12/2013 00:01

Yes, I've done this all my adult life and it's great. It means I never have horrible or difficult people around me and I feel relaxed and have no silly dramas to cope with

stgeorgiaandthedragon · 18/12/2013 00:03

I don't, largely because people I know I don't really like are people who are in a particular circle of friends so cutting one off without the others would be impossible. I don't contact them outside social events but have them as Facebook friends and I don't think they know I don't like them sounds like hundreds of people - it is only two!

I have stopped contacting a woman because she was boring me to tears though which sounds awful but her main topics of conversation were 'hilarious' things I said/did when I was 18 (few of which I can actually remember!) and her ex. I was patient for ages thinking she'd move on, but she came on my birthday meal last year and the constant 'HA HA remember when you ...' ruined the night! That was last December and I think she finally got the message back in July sometime when I didn't reply to any of her texts.

LunaticFringe · 18/12/2013 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McFox · 18/12/2013 00:09

I do it too, makes life much easier.

I recently cut out one of my close mates after she caused a major drama on my hen do because she wasn't the centre of attention, then did the same at our wedding - which she didn't even get us a congratulations card for, never mind a token gift. 2 months later, when I heard that she had been bitching about us not giving a shit about anyone else now that we're married, I called her and then pointed out that she hadn't even apologised. She didn't see why she should, do I told her to F off, and that we were done. Now I don't have to put up with her self-centred whining, ludicrous men stories, and her need for constant male attention. Happy days!

McPheelingUpSanta · 18/12/2013 00:09

Yes

Am in the process of disengagement as we speak. The top reason is her language around my daughter, and I won't stand for it.

defineme · 18/12/2013 00:13

I do on the whole, but I have one friend who can be very very rude. However, I'm her only friend (lots of people befriend then drop her) and I suspect strongly she has asd (she passed the asd test). I wish she wasn't so rude/blunt/dogmatic,judgemental, and her comments make me feel a bit shitty when I spend any time with her and I don't want to patronize her with my friendship -I just honestly think she needs me more than I need her and I can't just drop her. Her kids are very close to mine as well, go to same school and we live on the same street.
Would people really drop her?

frasierfanatic · 18/12/2013 00:17

I only tend to drop people that I feel have behaved in a malicious way towards me, or who just don't seem to be very nice or decent. I give one mum at the school gates a very wide berth as she never has a nice word to say about anyone, and I just don't want to risk getting involved with her, so I have as little to do with her as possible.

If I become good friends with someone, it's rare that I would want to cut them off, as I tend to cut someone off before I would let them become a good friend, if that makes sense

OP posts:

TheWanderingUterus · 18/12/2013 00:18

I don't know if its normal but I do it too.

My mental health can sometimes be precarious and I need to protect myself.

Unpleasant people have no long term place in my life and I offer no apologies for this.

I'm never rude though, I just politely withdraw.

frasierfanatic · 18/12/2013 00:21

Same here, WanderingUterus.

Some people do get the hump and create a fuss when they realise they're being phased out, but then it proves the point that I don't want to be friends with them in the first place.

OP posts:

thebody · 18/12/2013 00:24

I only like and befriend nice people. Works for me.

I deserve no less.

Hate bores/users and people as shallow as car park puddles.

drbonnieblossman · 18/12/2013 00:37

I have become able as I've become older, to back away from people who upset me/ the friendship is unhealthy. or where the friendship hangs by thread - and it's very liberating. I've come across people who lead me to doubt myself, as in their way is THE way. and friendships which chip away at me. Calling time on these sorts of friendships is a good thing. far better to count the people who matter on one hand than to have 968 facebook "friends", the majority of .whom make your teeth itch.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 18/12/2013 00:50

I do this too. Some people I can disengage from without a thought. Others, I will give more chances, and I will try to make it work, but sometimes its just too much.

I have cut out half of my family after years of being reduced to tears by their cruel words and backstabbing behaviour. It wasn't a decision that I took lightly but in the end I deserve better.

I don't know if its normal, but I see people accept shitty behaviour from those who are meant to care about them all the time and it makes me want to scream. More people should be this way.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 18/12/2013 01:34

I do it, I find that I can be quite unforgiving. Not a trait I consider kind hearted which funnily enough I consider myself to be.

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 18/12/2013 01:39

I think actually though, I find I do not tolerate behaviour that I consider bad or upsetting and impacts that way upon either me or my family.

MonsterMunchMe · 18/12/2013 01:45

If people are malicious I drop them like a stone, I'm still polite hello/goodbye etc but dead behind the eyes with it iykwim. Life's too short. Drives people mad, they think I'm cold as ice, but I find people don't give me shit as they know I wouldn't put up with it iykwim?

I happy in my own company and have a group of really good close friends and a big family, I think this helps.

DustyBaubles · 18/12/2013 03:29

I've always done this too.

I'm not a fan of high drama, or attention seeking, or game playing.

I've always found it easier just to not engage with idiots. They seem perfectly able to find an audience/stooge/patsy elsewhere, so it's win-win as far as I can see.

My teeth are in much better condition now that they are no longer being ground to stumps in the presence of my sister in law, for example.

BohemianGirl · 18/12/2013 03:45

I very rarely fall out with anyone, I just sort of disengage if I realise that they're not a nice person or if they do something unkind towards me

I understand exactly what you feel. Surely most people do this? Without the drama and hysteria that would occur if you were 12?

MammaTJ · 18/12/2013 04:20

I do it without a second thought!

I even cut off my useless dad! That took a little ore thought though!

WeeBitWobbly · 18/12/2013 05:16

Yes with some family members who are just too toxic for me.
Life is too short for all that drama.

vtechjazz · 18/12/2013 05:43

Oh god sgt, I HATE people who live in the past. My past being particularly shady, when mates start reminiscing I could strangle them!

But, sometimes I wonder if its envy on their behalf because they wasted their yoof being well behaved!!!

charleylarlie · 18/12/2013 07:53

Someone cut me off a long time ago and it affected my self esteem for years, no matter how much I told myself they weren't worth it and that the problem was theirs. I vowed at the time that I'd never do it to anybody. Funnily enough, it's never been a problem. I guess I'm just not that kind of person.

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charleylarlie · 18/12/2013 07:55

Obviously, if you have toxic family members it might be different of course. I just can't understand why somebody would do it at the drop of a hat.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/12/2013 07:57

I did it to one woman. I had hoped we would be friends but then I realised she only ever talked to me if she wanted me to buy Pampered chef stuff or for DH to lift something for her to give us a lift. She literally never wanted to just meet as friends. So I backed off.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/12/2013 07:58

Lift something for her or give HER a lift I meant..I just woke up

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