To think DH shouldn't pay his ex?

(51 Posts)
BruthasTortoise Tue 17-Dec-13 20:41:30

DSSs live with us, DSS1 stays with his mum 2 nights a week and goes to school from her house. Today DSSs mum sent a huge ranting text about how she was sick of DH not providing for DSS and how she would no longer be giving him dinner money on the days she has him. This came as news to us as DSS gets his 5 days dinner money at the start of the week. Turns out he had been telling his Mum he had no money then pocketing the £10 she was giving him and using it to buy sweets and crap after school. Their mum is now demanding that DH refund her £100 or so she has paid out this year.
Now DH is going to have a stern word with DSS, come up with a suitable punishment and has told their mum to sell some of his belongings at her house to pay back the money but doesn't think he (DH that is) should have to pay the money. Their mum is now saying she won't have money to get them anything for Christmas if DH doesn't pay. AIBU to think its not DH's responsibility to pay this money back?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Tue 17-Dec-13 20:43:31

Does she pay any maintenance.

NotYoMomma Tue 17-Dec-13 20:44:00

she can jog on

BruthasTortoise Tue 17-Dec-13 20:45:27

She pays less than half the amount she supposed to - but as half the amount is to pay back arrears the CSA aren't really interested.

wispa31 Tue 17-Dec-13 20:46:44

No. The son should be made to pay it back, wether thats by no pocket money/ sell stuff/ chores whatever. Mum and dad need to sort it between them how he should make amends. Children need to know there are consequences.

YANBU. It's not your DH fault that dss spent the money.

NatashaBee Tue 17-Dec-13 20:48:48

How old is DSS? He should be the one paying back his mother since he was the one who deceived her into giving him extra money. It's really up to his mother how she chooses to punish him for that and whether she makes him pay her back. It's not your DH's responsibility. She is being unreasonable to say she can't afford presents unless he pays her though - does that mean if it weren't for this coming to light, your DSS wouldn't have got any presents?

needaholidaynow Tue 17-Dec-13 20:48:55

Ah I always used to do this when I was at school! How would she be buying him Christmas presents if she hadn't have found out about this? Sounds to me like she's trying to get a bit of "free money"

All kids do it! Not saying its right though and your DH and his ex need to have a word with him.

CoffeeQueen187 Tue 17-Dec-13 20:49:55

Cheeky cow! She should pay for his dinner money whilst he's at hers anyway. You shouldn't have to pay for him whilst he's in her care.

I wouldn't send my children to their dad with food for dinner and spending money etc, he can pay
For it.

Tell her to get fucked! grin

CoffeeQueen187 Tue 17-Dec-13 20:52:09

DSS is also a bit cheeky for getting dinner money off her when he's already had it though. He should pay it back really, either through pocket money or chores etc or whatever his parents see fit.

But, I still stick to the fact that she should be paying for his dinner money whilst he's there and not you

BruthasTortoise Tue 17-Dec-13 20:55:01

He's 14 and in a bit of "phase" at the minute. Tbh communication between DH and his ex is not good, they genuinely dislike each other which, as an "outside" observer I can see creates gaps for this kind of playing both sides off against each other to happen. But at this stage I can't see their parenting relationship getting any better so this is what we have to work with.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Tue 17-Dec-13 20:57:09

Tell her to do one, not your DH's fault DSS1 was pulling a fast one, and since he lives with you 5 nights a week, then she can fuck off.

Why was she giving a tenner for one school meal anyway.

LineRunner Tue 17-Dec-13 20:58:24

I think you should all draw a line under this and move on. Lesson learned.

No selling of stuff, no demanding repayments. It honestly isn't worth the grief over a hundred quid from a term that has gone.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts Tue 17-Dec-13 21:14:49

It's the boy who should play it back, not the father. I agree she's just wanting some cash this time of year, and there's no reason he should give it to her (unless shes horribly poor and he's stinking rich and then although there's no reason to, I'd be more sympathetic about it)

BruthasTortoise Tue 17-Dec-13 21:25:26

Unfortunately not filthy rich smile. Probably could scrape together the £100 but it would leave us right for Christmas.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Tue 17-Dec-13 21:28:43

Has DSS admitted to this

SugarCaneShortCake Tue 17-Dec-13 21:38:34

Don't give her any money. I would say that if, DSS has had the money then it is up to his mum to sort out repayment. I do think that it's a bit of a coincidence that she is asking for money this close to Christmas.

Breadkneadslove Tue 17-Dec-13 21:40:38

It's definitely not your and your DH responsibility to pay the ex the money. I imagine she is just trying her luck! DS should be encouraged to work off his debt. Canny laddy!

If you honestly believe that the ex won't be able to put a present under the tree for the kids and you have some spare cash, then I would do the charitable thing and buy them a gift for her to give them so that they do receive a present from each parent.

But it's a no to giving out cash and I'm surprised that your DH would be paying for school meals on the ex days!

SugarCaneShortCake Tue 17-Dec-13 21:41:32

Just a thought - how was she going to pay for the presents before this came up?

ImperialBlether Tue 17-Dec-13 21:41:42

But if she's given him the money for ten weeks, why has that affected her Christmas? If she believed she shouldn't have to give it to him, why didn't she ask your DH after the first time?

I can't see why it's your DH's job to pay, anyway. He was paying his son for lunches.

He shouldn't give her any money. I do feel a bit sorry for you DSS though, maybe the kid's just hungry after school.

RandomMess Tue 17-Dec-13 21:52:17

ROFL, yep DSS has to sort out repaying the money some how, Hopefully both of the parents will learn from this escapade...

MikeChristmasTreeIsLit Tue 17-Dec-13 21:53:44

Shes got a cheek.

Tell her it will be taken of the arrears she owes.

She is obviously lying about the Christmas money. If your dh gives into her with this she will be forever making up bullshit reasons to get money off him.

hoobypickypicky Tue 17-Dec-13 22:59:06

This is time for your DH to give his ex the infamous "No is a complete sentence".

WooWooOwl Tue 17-Dec-13 23:13:16

Your DHs ex is a loon who needs to grow the fuck up and start acting like a parent.

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