DD is very angry at exh help please

(32 Posts)
advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 12:21:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Tue 17-Dec-13 12:23:07

How old is your DD?

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 12:25:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzywuzzy Tue 17-Dec-13 12:29:47

I'd speak to your GP and look into getting family therapy or getting a CAHMS referral for her.

Poor thing.

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch Tue 17-Dec-13 12:33:12

What age can children choose not to see an estranged parent?

What a difficult situation to be in. Any chance you can talk to your Ex and tell him how DD feels?

ShedWood Tue 17-Dec-13 12:33:24

If I were you I would purchase a cheap mobile phone for my DD, text your ExH from it and say the following;

This is xxx (DD) my mobile number is X, my address is Y and my bank account details are Z. I will turn this phone on between 5pm & 6pm each day, if you wish to contact me please text or phone me on this number at that time. If you wish to send me gifts either physical or monetary you have my details.

Then hand the phone to your DD and leave the ball in his court. He is an adult and should be facilitating his own relationship with his daughter. She is old enough to say to you "dad has text to say he wants to meet up on sat, is that ok mum?" before arranging a place to meet.

And if he (as I highly suspect) does nothing with this information then the fault lies squarely at his door and is nothing to do with you.

YouTheCat Tue 17-Dec-13 12:36:07

Is the access court ordered? If it's not then you can allow her not to go if it is upsetting her so much.

Tbh, I agree with your dd.

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 12:43:38

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fuzzywuzzy Tue 17-Dec-13 12:46:08

If she does not want contact right now let her make her own decision, to be honest I don't blame her one bit the present thing sounds really horrible.

Age ten is when the courts take a child's wishes and feelings into account regarding contact IME.

YouTheCat Tue 17-Dec-13 12:50:00

Don't facilitate him any more. If he won't bother himself with her then let him go on his guilt trip on his own with a one way ticket.

Yes, she does not want to know him and I don't blame her - he sounds like an utterly selfish arse.

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 12:52:17

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mummytime Tue 17-Dec-13 13:05:52

If he has an issue with alcoholism she could try alteen. If she is at secondary school you could see if they have access to a counsellor, both so she can let out her feelings and so that someone independent has a record.

CustardoPaidforIDSsYFronts Tue 17-Dec-13 13:08:50

he's made his bed AFAIC

yes yes counselling for her

but if he's a shit, she shouldn't have to put up with it - good for her

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 13:11:31

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advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 13:13:03

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redexpat Tue 17-Dec-13 13:14:14

GP is a good place to start, but I'd also see if I could find organisations/charities/groups in the local area. Just in case there's a massive waiting list.

YouTheCat Tue 17-Dec-13 13:30:50

Might be worth asking in school as well. We used to have a really lovely lady who came in for a weekly chat with a few kids who were having problems.

fuzzywuzzy Tue 17-Dec-13 13:31:44

School can also make a CAHMS referral, my children's did.

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 13:39:39

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MrsSquirrel Tue 17-Dec-13 13:41:27

Is contact court ordered? If it is not, you do not have to make her available. She has valid reasons for not wanting to see him.

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 13:43:06

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YouTheCat Tue 17-Dec-13 13:44:58

You don't have to give him your address. It sounds like you have given him many ways of making contact but he can't be bothered.

MrsSquirrel Tue 17-Dec-13 13:49:37

If there is no court order, you are not obliged to do anything. You certainly do not have to give him your address.

If I were you, I would just stop communicating with him. If he really wants to see her, he can take it to court.

advicemuchneeded Tue 17-Dec-13 14:32:52

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Mishmashofstyles Tue 17-Dec-13 14:47:58

She doesn't want to see him. He sounds unstable and useless.
I would not help him to visit with her at all.

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