Requests for gifts with the fucking wedding invite.

(320 Posts)
intothenever Mon 16-Dec-13 06:10:30

HOW is this socially acceptable? How? Family and friends, Please join us as we celebrate our love and commit to spend our lives together. Enclosed is a list of things we would like you to buy us. 1000 times worse when the demand for gifts is in rhyming couplets.

tumbletumble Mon 16-Dec-13 07:13:55

My parents went through their attic recently and chucked out a set of garden furniture that was no use to anyone after disintegrating in an attic for over 40 years. They've never lived anywhere with a garden big enough to sit in.

This is why people have wedding lists!

HombreLobo Mon 16-Dec-13 07:14:52

I've never taken a gift to a wedding.

brettgirl2 Mon 16-Dec-13 07:15:04

I think it depends. It annoys me when a list is included with an evening invite. So.... you don't like me enough to invite me to the wedding/ buy me a meal but you still expect a present? hmm.

With a proper invite yabu.

AuntieStella Mon 16-Dec-13 07:15:23

There's no problem with having a list - just with sending it out pre-emptively. The first is practical, the second is rude.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Mon 16-Dec-13 07:19:43

I've never taken a gift to a wedding.

Seriously? That is incredibly rude.

GingerPCatt Mon 16-Dec-13 07:21:37

Having a list is fine. It's the mentioning in the invitees what makes me clutch my pearls and I know makes my very proper grandmother spin in her grave. If guest want to know about the list they should ask bride/groom or their families.

Crowler Mon 16-Dec-13 07:22:24

Yes, I'm pretty sure it's rude to go to a wedding without a gift.

Why don't you bring a gift?

AnnBryce Mon 16-Dec-13 07:22:37

Gift lists with invites are normal. Not taking a pressie isn't.

NoComet Mon 16-Dec-13 07:23:12

Please ask for money
It's what you'll get off me anyway, that or two champagne flutes and a cheque to fill them.

I can't be doing with plates and people only need so many towels.

fluffyraggies Mon 16-Dec-13 07:24:28

I think asking for cash is the thing that gets more of a split between YABU and YANBU here.

The thing with a gift list is that (properly done) the list should include items as cheap as a tenner or even less along with more pricey bits.

No one would feel comfortable giving a fiver as a wedding gift, but if you're skint, you're skint. If a couple have asked for cash as a present then you're put in a horrid position. At least with a list you can choose from the cheaper end.

DialMforMummy Mon 16-Dec-13 07:25:03

Most people will want to give you a gift, it's a given. If some people are grumpy about it, let them be, they are miserable bastards.
Personally, I would want to make a gift that would make the bride and groom happy, if it's pans, a serving spoon or a contribution to something they are looking forward to that's great. I don't get the whole "Oh no, that's rude".

Lovecat Mon 16-Dec-13 07:26:05

YANBU, it's a rude and grabby presumption.

Our invites were sent out by my mum <traditional> and she had the list, but only to give to people who asked for it.

What we did include with the invite was a list of reasonably-priced nice hotels and B&Bs in the area, as a lot of our friends were travelling to the area.

Don't get me started on poems and money...

AuntieStella Mon 16-Dec-13 07:27:01

I've never taken a gift to a wedding - I send in advance.

And of course no one would tell you in RL that something is rude, for that in itself would be appallingly rude. Silence does not indicate approval. And just because something is common does not make it right.

SatinSandals Mon 16-Dec-13 07:28:09

I would think it incredibly rude to go without a gift. I have never known someone go without anything.
If you then ask the bride/groom or family they then have to go to all the trouble of having to post it. Most people are going to ask for a list so it is common sense to supply it. If you post 30 invitations that costs £15 and it will then cost another £15 to send a list.
As long as you don't put in twee poems, or ask for money, I think it fine.

SatinSandals Mon 16-Dec-13 07:29:39

I think that you are splitting hairs, AuntieStella, when you say 'take a gift' it doesn't mean you literally hand it at the wedding reception!

scarlettsmummy2 Mon 16-Dec-13 07:36:34

We didn't have a list or request money. We already owned our own home so had everything we needed, so it seemed tasteless. Quite different situation to when a list may have been helpful for young couples were moving in together for the first time.

ChocolateZombieSlayer Mon 16-Dec-13 07:37:04

Perfectly acceptable imo to include a gift list at a weddIng. If you don't you run the risk of multiple repeated gifts. Wedding lists are rather sensible and I've always appreciated seeing one, certainly nothing to swear about. I just don't get all the shock horror on mumsnet 're these lists as thumb said up thread it's only here that appears to have an issue.

JumpingJackSprat Mon 16-Dec-13 07:37:47

Id rather give money than a gift and couldn't give a flying fuck if the request came in the form of a poem. Must assume op that you're not a friend of the person who invited you otherwise upon opening the invite you would have thought "oh how lovely, x and y are getting married". Not how dare they fucking expect s wedding gift at their wedding the greedy grabbing bastards. Some friend you are!!

ClaudiusMaximus Mon 16-Dec-13 07:39:45

I still can't get over people who turned up to our wedding without even bringing a card. Who does that?!

Twiddlebum Mon 16-Dec-13 07:44:25

The last 8 weddings I've been to ( including ours... 6 asked for contributions to honeymoon ( the normal request now) 1 asked for contributions to a new kitchen (they spent it on a car!) and my DB/DSIL didn't have a list and ended up with 34!!! Naff Silver wedding photo frames. She hates silver, totally not to their taste, they live in a small cottage with no free surfaces to put picture frames. The sad thing is you can tell that many of these frames cost a fortune! What a waste of money.

WooWooOwl Mon 16-Dec-13 07:47:17

I don't mind gift lists, they are useful as long as there is a range of gifts and price ranges to choose from.

But cash requests are rude, especially if the request is made with a shit poem.

Snowbility Mon 16-Dec-13 07:49:00

We asked for no gifts or money...just come to our wedding and celebrate with us. Guests spend enough on outfits and hotel bills. Seriously think the whole wedding gift thing is grabby and outdated. Most couple need nothing for their homes.

SatinSandals Mon 16-Dec-13 07:56:30

Some do, not all are older and have been living together for years.

stargirl1701 Mon 16-Dec-13 07:57:41

YABU. It makes life as the guest so much easier. I hate it when the couple don't have a list. I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of putting it in the invitation.

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without buying a gift. Maybe you're different, OP.

SatinSandals Mon 16-Dec-13 07:57:57

When I got married the second time I didn't need anything, but the first time I didn't have anything,other than my mother's cast offs!

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