to wonder why men are almost always the non-resident parent

(508 Posts)

Yes, I know I could win an award for most clueless person, but please humour me.

Why is it that when parents separate, it's almost always the mother that the children live with and who has to do the bulk of the mundane parts of the childcare? While daddy gets to pay a cash sum each week, pursue his own interests most of the time and then be Disney the rest of the time.

Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 19-Dec-13 00:19:10

I can remember a DV conference I went to awhile back touched on nrp's who will pay one mother but not another due to perceived bad behaviour (usually involving support)

Wish I could remember who the speaker was

Monetbyhimself Thu 19-Dec-13 08:05:46

Flippinada I have similar experiences. OW sat in the corridor whilst my Ex received a police caution for assaulting our child. She attended meetings with socail workers and was made fully aware of the extent of his abuse towards both the children and I. She fully supports his refusal to pay maintenance and she and her family (her formerly estranged father in particular ) have gone to incredible lengths to help him to hide our joint assets. She has also had a child with him. For as long as there are women willing to cheerlead and encourage men who want to continue to control and abuse, then children will suffer.

SamU2 Thu 19-Dec-13 08:58:18

There was never any talk about who could be the resident parent when I left my ex.

He worked, I didn't. It wasn't even a discussion on who would be the resident parent. He did have them every weekend though which sometimes sucked as I got most of the hard work. It never went through the courts, we worked it out together and the kids wanted to spend the weekends with them, although sometimes they skipped the odd day if we had something special planned.

We both used to see them Xmas day and on birthdays. While I often felt like I got the bulk of the hard work I was pretty happy with the set up.

During the week he certainly lived like a 'free' man, he and his wife never had to make sure the kids had a proper bedtime because of school in the morning or iron uniform, or any of the day to day stuff that can get on top of you when you have five kids. But, I was happy with the situation for our children's sake. We were all really close and it made them happy.

He died a few days ago so now they don't get to see him at all, but their step mum will continue to see them one day a week. This is the first time I have used past tense to talk about him.

SamU2 Thu 19-Dec-13 08:59:03

sorry for the bad grammar and mix up of words. Tired/

SamU2 Thu 19-Dec-13 09:01:05

Serial posting/

I should have said that their step mum will have them sleep one day a week but she has seen them every day this week round here and she knows she can see them whenever she want forever.

flippinada Thu 19-Dec-13 09:07:05

Monet it almost defies belief doesn't it. Some people believe what they want to. So sorry you had to go through that.

AmberLeaf Thu 19-Dec-13 09:44:54

That's really sad SamU2. Sorry for your loss.

Sounds like you all had/have a good relationship.

flippinada Thu 19-Dec-13 09:54:21

Oh SamU what a sad thing to happen. It sounds like you have dealt wih the situation with grace and kindness.

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