To be furious!!!

(106 Posts)
MamaPingu Tue 10-Dec-13 19:11:52

I was in the bath with DS who is 13 weeks old. Me and DP bath with him sometimes then the other lifts him out dries him and gets him warm.

So tonight I get in the bath with DS and DP goes and watches tv for 5 minutes after refusing to do the pots, brilliant start.

Me and DS are having a lovely time he's kicking like mad and smiling. After a good 10 minutes I started shouting DP thinking he'd forgot. So I kept shouting over and over and banging on the glass wondering where he was.
So I filled the bath with more warm water as he was getting cold. Another 10 minutes passed and DS was getting cold again and was fed up. So I shouted and shouted and no reply. I had to get on my knees in the bath and get out with him as careful as I could which is dangerous in my opinion it's easy to slip in a bath.

I wrapped him up as quick as I could and walked into the living room pissed off. He wasn't there, I went up the stairs and he was fast asleep on the bed!!!! angry

I am absolutely furious I shouted for him to get up and told him how we'd been waiting ages and could have slipped getting out of the bath.
He said "I told you I was tired sad" in a whingy tone

What a moron!!!! I am fuming angry

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 10-Dec-13 19:29:55

Go out, leave a bottle or two and go see your friend smile

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie Tue 10-Dec-13 19:29:55

It sounds like the routine works normally, this time it didn't; tempting to say if DP had done the pots he would have stayed awake.

I don't blame you for being cautious with your baby in the bath. Did you have DS by CS, you probably needed that extra help initially, it's probably a while before you feel fully confident again.

picnicbasketcase Tue 10-Dec-13 19:30:13

Forgot to say - the refusing to wash up would piss me off a lot more than falling asleep.

ConfusedDotty Tue 10-Dec-13 19:30:51

YABU. It was only bath time and not as though he had left the house. Having a newborn takes it's toll on both parents. Does your DP work?

youbethemummylion Tue 10-Dec-13 19:31:59

Unless he has form for being a selfish twat I dint think he did it on purpose. He said he was too tired to do the pots a fact that was then proven by the fact he promptly fell asleep.

ThistletoeAndWine Tue 10-Dec-13 19:32:00

Ok I need to study this thread hard to see what the problem is really

goodtimesinbontemps Tue 10-Dec-13 19:32:18

I think you are definitely over reacting about getting out of the bath, its not that difficult and really isn't a two man job smile. I can see however that you are tired and frustrated and thats very understandable. He needs to step up and help out a bit more, parenting is a two man job (unlike bathing ;) )

ConfusedDotty Tue 10-Dec-13 19:32:43

Oh and the not washing the pots thing would have pissed me off more than anything.

HedgehogsRevenge Tue 10-Dec-13 19:33:11

2 people to bath a baby? I managed to have baths with ds all the time when he was a baby and I raised him alone from day 1. Unless you have some sort of disability YAB completely ridiculous.

MamaPingu Tue 10-Dec-13 19:37:01

That's what annoyed me initially that he wouldn't help me do a few pots, there wasn't much at all and said he was off to watch tv instead. So I had a nice little swear under my breath and left it at that, then he somehow managed to get himself upstairs and fall asleep on the bed, no idea how that's possible! He wouldn't have gone up for anything

99% of the time one of us will bath DS just him in the bath, but when one of us gets in with him I think it's best to have the other lift him out cause I don't think it's hard to slip in the bath especially when you have one hand to get up!

He works but 30 hours and he has to stop at his mums overnight when he works cause he wouldn't bother learning to drive so he could take me to the hospital when in labour and so we could live together all the time. He just makes excuses to not have to make an effort for me and DS.
When he stops at his mums he gets to sleep in until 12 in the afternoon. He does work until 9 at night but it's an easy job and not loads of hours.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother with him!

MamaPingu Tue 10-Dec-13 19:38:26

That's what annoyed me initially that he wouldn't help me do a few pots, there wasn't much at all and said he was off to watch tv instead. So I had a nice little swear under my breath and left it at that, then he somehow managed to get himself upstairs and fall asleep on the bed, no idea how that's possible! He wouldn't have gone up for anything

99% of the time one of us will bath DS just him in the bath, but when one of us gets in with him I think it's best to have the other lift him out cause I don't think it's hard to slip in the bath especially when you have one hand to get up!

He works but 30 hours and he has to stop at his mums overnight when he works cause he wouldn't bother learning to drive so he could take me to the hospital when in labour and so we could live together all the time. He just makes excuses to not have to make an effort for me and DS.
When he stops at his mums he gets to sleep in until 12 in the afternoon then gets up for work. He does work until 9 at night but it's an easy job and not loads of hours.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother with him! shock

KingRollo Tue 10-Dec-13 19:38:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaPingu Tue 10-Dec-13 19:40:10

I realise I was being unreasonable about the bath everyone! grin
It is more than the bath like one poster pointed out, I just needed a good old rant cause I'm knackered and he's a moron

Meh84 Tue 10-Dec-13 19:41:22

YABU and OTT.

Being a new parent is tiring for both, regardless of who does what! Cut him some slack. I also agree with people who are saying baths are doable alone.

With your right hand, cup the babies head and keep your forearm tight along the babies back so your elbow is near the bum, use left hand to get out. That how I did it anyway! smile

Gileswithachainsaw Tue 10-Dec-13 19:44:08

Now we get to the real problem.

The learning to drive, I'm sorry but you don't get to dictate that.

But the rest? Well he sounds like a lazy pathetic mummy's boy. If he takes up this much energy in being fed up of him perhaps you'd be less tired on your own? X

MamaPingu Tue 10-Dec-13 19:47:22

He is a massive mummy's boy, she has smothered him and made him do whatever she says essentially.

I think I would rather be on my own a lot of the time but I don't think I'll ever do it, I don't know why but I can't!

I know I'd be fine raising him alone, I bring all the cards to the table in this family. But I don't feel like I could leave him, I want to, but when I plan to do it I never get round to it for whatever reason! confused

PollyIndia Tue 10-Dec-13 19:48:05

I am a single mum to a 14 month old and we have managed hundreds of baths. The pot washing would annoy me though - in that respect it is easier on your own. You have to do everything so can't feel resentful when someone isn't pulling their weight!

SomethingkindaOod Tue 10-Dec-13 19:50:07

As a one off I would have humphed and been less than gentle with my reminders next time. However this seems like a tiny part of a much bigger picture so you need to make it clear that he has to pull his weight.
Fwiw, I found that bathing the baby in the kitchen sink is easier when they're small. He'll have to do the bloody pots then!

SomethingkindaOod Tue 10-Dec-13 19:52:04

Sorry I didn't mean that the onus is on you to make him pull his weight I put that really badly (a bit of a habit tonight I think..). Just that he needs to be in no doubt that you're genuinely pissed with his childish behaviour and he has to change.

soverylucky Tue 10-Dec-13 19:57:51

Lean over the side of the bath and put baby on the floor while you get out if you are scared you will slip while holding him.

MrsDarylDixon Tue 10-Dec-13 20:01:51

I think this is about more than him just falling asleep tbh. Having a baby requires huge adjustments and I get the impression you don't feel he's hitting the mark atm.

But you're also going to have to learn to do tougher things than get out of a bath holding a baby. Buy a bath mat and get on with it!

HedgehogsRevenge Tue 10-Dec-13 20:02:57

So he basically spends some of his time with you not doing very much but still lives with his mum part time? You say you want to leave him so there's obviously lots of issues. Honestly it's easier being alone than with someone who is lazy and winds you up all the time.

MamaPingu Tue 10-Dec-13 20:03:40

I must admit I cope a hell of a lot better when DP isn't around, I enjoy being a mum a lot more and I'm happy to be busy from 7am right up to bedtime but the second he's here I resent him for not helping me

We have loads of fun together and I love him but a part of me doesn't want him a lot of the time sad

defineme Tue 10-Dec-13 20:04:51

Would your life be easier without him op? (I put baby on floor before I got out btw) If it would then perhaps you'd be better off apart? He could still be an involved dad and you'd be less stressed?
What is good about your relationship or has been in the past?

sykadelic15 Tue 10-Dec-13 20:05:23

I actually am going against the majority here and saying you are NOT BU, not totally anyway.

He had agreed to help you with the bath. Instead of helping though, he went to the effort of actually going upstairs and climbing into bed, completely forgetting he had planned to help you and that you and DS were waiting for him in the bath. No doubt you also had a moment of "what if something had happened? He couldn't even hear me screaming for him!!"

Totally different if he had said "If I get a chance..." or something like that. Or just told you he couldn't. You were waiting on him and he didn't come.

Add that let down to all the other instances where he's just not stepped up to the plate and you're bound to feel like this is yet another time where he's proven he's just not responsible enough, doesn't love you enough... etc etc.

I think it's about time you sat down with him and told him what you expect of him. I think part of you is hoping he'll just turn into super dad/super partner and he's not. One of the " I shouldn't HAVE to tell/ask, you should just know!" moments... but he's just not getting it so it's anvil time, or time to lower your expectations. If he misses out on bath time, that's not your fault, he hasn't proven he can be trusted to come when he said he would (etc etc).

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know you're tired, stress and emotional and this isn't helping. Best of luck smile

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